The Hardest Part
by Death In December
Summary: He was hurting too much to think anymore and yet after everything… she was still there. LP Completed.
1. The Hardest Part

_And the hardest part  
was letting go, not taking part  
was the hardest part  
and the strangest thing  
was waiting for that bell to ring  
It was the strangest start_

The Hardest Part-Coldplay

They sat in there in each other's arms for hours, neither one of them willing to let go and that for them was the hardest part, letting go was the hardest part. Not just letting go of each other, letting go of the past and letting go of their hardships.

He found her on that beach after his whole world had just practically come crashing down. His brother wasn't speaking to him, his mother had gone off to New Zealand, his best friend was gone, and most of all the girl that he had practically spilled his heart to turned him down. He didn't even know if she was coming back or not and right now he didn't even want to think about that. He was hurting too much to think anymore and yet after everything… she was still there.

She had been sitting there for a while; she stopped caring after the first hour. She was just so broken, everything was happening to her and she couldn't stop any of it. Elizabeth was claiming to be her mother, she didn't want to believe her, but she knew her middle name! Sure, middle names weren't important, but why would someone do that to her? She had been hurting over her mother's death for years, hell she was still hurting and for someone to come up and tell her that everything she knew was wrong was just crazy. Everything that was happening was telling her that she had been living a lie. She didn't want to believe it; she didn't want to believe any of it. For all she knew Elizabeth could be the one sending those crazy IMs and her father, her father wouldn't even get in contact with her. She had tried calling him, e-mailing, letters, anything… but he never responded. She had no one. Everyone was gone. Her mother was dead, her father was out at sea, Jake had left to go find Jenny, her best friend was off to California, she had heard Haley wasn't coming back, and Nathan… he was off to High Flyers for the summer. She had come here for peace of mind and obviously she wasn't getting any of that and yet after all that she had been through… he was still there.

_"Looks like it's just you and me this summer." He said after he had sat next to her. _

He watched as she forced a nod and suddenly fell into his arms. He felt her squeeze tightly as if she was holding on for dear life and naturally he did the same. He closed his eyes and hugged her just as tight, closing his eyes to savor the moment. They had been anything but close these past few months, but her being in his arms seemed to make everything seem like it'll get better. They hadn't spoke much, but lately they had tried to be in each other's life a little more, atleast that's what he wanted. He wanted to be in her life more, he needed it. He hated to see her so broken and even though he didn't know much about her life lately, he would have the whole summer to try to get her to open up. He needed this hug.

She had heard his soft words and did everything she could to keep herself from falling apart, so she did the only thing she could think of… she hugged him. She held on to him like her life depended on it and felt comforted when she felt him do the same. She gently leaned her head on his shoulder and clung to him, she didn't want to let go… she couldn't let go because she was afraid that if she did he would disappear and leave like everyone else did. As strange as it sounded he was becoming the one constant in her life, even when they weren't so close at all. They barely even spoke to each other these past few months, but he had always been there even when she didn't want to admit it. She pushed him away even though it was the last thing she wanted to do, she opened up her heart to him, and he betrayed her trust. And yet being in his arms at this very moment told her that everything would eventually be okay. She didn't know if she could trust him completely, but they would have the whole summer to regain trust. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she desperately needed this hug.

They stayed like that for hours not moving an inch; there was something about the waves crashing on to the surface that comforted both of them. All he ever wanted was to just regain her trust again… all he had ever wanted was all of her. Their timing had never been great at all; there was all ways something in the way. She pushed him away and shut him out and for a while all he had was Brooke. He put all of his attention on her, but was it really worth it? Brooke was the only one there. Haley was gone; Nathan and him weren't on good terms for a while, and most of all she pushed him away. All he ever wanted for a while was to just be loved and she was the only one there. Now she was gone. The day he found out he had the HCM was probably the worse day of his life. No one knew… no one knew at all and right now he wasn't planning on telling anyone. They would treat him differently and he didn't want that. He didn't want that at all, but now since he ran out of pills and had no one to pay for them he didn't know what he was going to do. He had so much to think about and having Peyton in his arms seemed like the only thing clear in his life right now.

All she ever wanted was for him not to give up so easily. She remembered that day clearly when she told him he didn't qualify as a friend anymore and at the time she meant it. He had been back for a while and not once did he ask her how she was doing and it hurt. After she had told him that he went away and he called Jake. She was grateful for that. Jake had allowed her to open up her heart again and for a while he and Jenny were all she had. They were her family… even though she knew none of it would last and it didn't, but for a while it was nice. She knew she shouldn't have depended on him so much, but she did anyway and now that she thought about it was the worst decision she had ever made. She shouldn't have let herself need him and Jenny so much at all, if she didn't she wouldn't be hurting so much now. But that was what happened when you let yourself love someone. She loved him, but she wasn't in love with him. It hadn't gone that far yet, but maybe if he would've stayed… just maybe. All she ever wanted was to be loved, she had tried coke because she wanted to feel loved and all it ever did was make her feel worse. She lost her better judgment because of it and she vowed to never do it again. Some days it was hard and others it was easy, with Jake there and her friends it was mostly easy. But now he was gone and being in Lucas' arms was the only thing keeping her sane.

After what seemed like forever they finally pulled away, but they stayed on the beach until dawn. Peyton watched as Lucas got up from the sand and stretched a little before holding out his hand. She looked up and smiled a little as she took his hand… they didn't really know where to go from there.

_"I was wrong, Luke. You do qualify." She said, her voice barely over a whisper, but he heard her. He heard her loud and clear as his mind instantly went back to that conversation in her room._

She grabbed his hand and he helped her up. They walked to her house where as soon as they reached her bedroom they both collapsed on the bed with no questions asked. They were both so emotionally drained from the events of the past couple of days all they needed was sleep. Before drifting off Peyton felt herself staring at her drawing on the wall, "Sometimes They Come Back". She turned her head to look over at Lucas who was fast asleep and she smiled. She smiled her first genuine smile in days and went to sleep.

They had an amazing summer together. Despite all of the many losses in their lives they had managed to let go and have fun. Most of the time no words were needed between the two, both of them just needed someone to understand, someone to open up to. They saw a lot of movies; they went to the beach a couple of times, and most of all they talked. Over those three long months she had learned to trust him again—they had learned to trust each other.

He had never had such a summer. He had to admit it did start off a little shaky, but none of that mattered now. Over the summer he had seen a different side of Peyton, he had seen a more relaxed, carefree Peyton. They were practically inseparable through out the summer they did everything together. He was so grateful that she learned to trust him again, that she opened up to him again. It was really all he had wanted. In return he had learned to open up to her, too. Sometimes when it was late at night they would meet up at the beach and just talk. It was there where he told her the truth about the HCM. She didn't judge him at all. Of course she was upset that he didn't tell anyone, but she was just glad that he told her and that if he kept taking his pills he would be all right. They were in his room when he told her about his Peyton box. She laughed it off and did nothing but drag him down to her house where she showed him her own box. He did the same and laughed it off even though it meant a lot to him. He was sure his box meant a lot to her, too. She was also there for him through his roughest times at the start of the summer when they found out Dan had almost died. He was still in the hospital to this day and Lucas had made no effort to see him, despite Peyton's pleas. He had felt no remorse or sadness that the man who was his father was in the hospital in a coma; he just couldn't bring himself to see him. Maybe in time he would, but right now he had other things to worry about. Deb who visited Dan everyday, despite all that he had put her through, had surprisingly paid for Lucas' pills. Lucas, who at first didn't understand until he had to confront Deb herself, was very grateful.

_"Just because you and Dan don't get a long doesn't mean that you have to suffer for it," She had told him once she decided to pay for his medication._

Maybe he was wrong about her after all.

Peyton hadn't felt this relaxed in a very long time. At first spending the summer with Lucas didn't sound like a great idea, you know with their history and all, but she was wrong. Over the summer she had shown a different side of herself to Lucas, a side that no one had seen before. They laughed a lot during the summer and they talked. They talked about everything from the whole Nikki fiasco to her doing that line of coke all of the way to him having the HCM. Just as she didn't judge him for not telling the truth about his HCM, he didn't judge her about the line of coke. It was something she had struggled with for the longest and he made sure that she wouldn't have to do it again.

_"Everyone falls sometimes—we all become a lesser version of ourselves at times. It just makes us human."_

He had said to her and after that everything wasn't so tense between them. They were regaining the connection they had.

Over the many days of summer Lucas got to see the many sides of Peyton. She went from being moody, to sad, to happy, and then back to moody all over again. It would've been annoying to some, but he could only love her for it. She would say the silliest of things at times like when they were laying in his room just staring at the ceiling.

_"What's broody, moody, and just plain dark all over?" She would ask and he would have no choice but to ask what, "Lucas Scott." And then she would laugh and soon he would join in with her laughter._

He heard her infectious laugh, he heard a sing, he watched her cry, and he watched her get angry. Those many emotions he had put up with all throughout the summer and he wasn't angry at all. He loved seeing her do all of those things, he was happy that she allowed herself to open up to him again. That was all he could ever ask for. They had learned to let go of past heartaches. It took tragedies to bring them together and now they were closer than they had ever been. They were both so lost and incomplete. He had lost himself for a while and surprisingly he found a piece of himself in her.

Peyton had learned to live with the many emotions of Lucas… or lack there of. She had finally gotten him to loosen up and although she couldn't get him to stop brooding she was still satisfied. At times when they were just lying on her bed listening to one of her vintage records he would say something really strange.

_"You know… I like it when you call me Luke." She would just stare at him like he was crazy, but answer him anyway._

_"Nathan calls you Luke, your mom calls you Luke, Hales calls you Luke, practically everyone does." She would say and he would just laugh._

_"Yeah… but I like the way you call me Luke." He would turn to look at her and give her an eye-piercing stare. She would just turn her head away so he wouldn't see her blushing._

She had told him a lot of things over the summer, she even confided to him about the whole Elizabeth situation. Although her fears about Elizabeth being her biological mother hadn't went away, he had eased the pain a little. She would still try to contact Peyton from time to time, but she would never respond. The IMs had stopped too so she could honestly say her summer was actually peaceful. Lucas in more ways than one had helped he over the summer. Even when she let herself fall he was eventually there to pick her back up again.

_For you I'd wait Till kingdom come _

_Until my days, my days are done_

_Just say you'll come and set me free_

_Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me_

Till Kingdom Come-Coldplay

So here they were—the first day of school in their first period of English. Brooke had returned from her "fabulous" as she called it, summer in California and even though she lived with him had successfully avoided Lucas and Haley was back, too. Neither Peyton nor Lucas knew what was going on between she and Nathan, but towards the end of the summer when she returned she was welcomed with no apartment and an already gone Nathan who was at High Flyers. So naturally Peyton had let Haley stay with her since the Scott household was obviously full. Nathan, who had just returned a couple of days ago wasn't even aware Haley was back in town until this morning. He looked obviously shocked to see her, but they still hadn't spoken to each other at all. They were too shy, too angry, or just too stubborn.

And that left Lucas and Peyton. Lucas, who sat across from Peyton was listening to the teacher drown on about something he obviously didn't care about and Peyton sat at her desk sketching. They hadn't spoken to each other for the first time in three long months. They both had agreed that it would be best if they just kept their newfound friendship to themselves. It was something that neither of them wanted, but something they had to do. She had told Brooke that she spent the summer with Lucas and that they were friends, but she just didn't want to act on anything in the case of hurting Brooke's feelings—or until she and Lucas had had a chance to talk.

Honestly he didn't really feel for her what he did before she left—everything was just so different now. He missed hanging out with Peyton and talking to her, they hadn't spoken or hung out for the past few days. He knew they had just started to rebuild their friendship and he really didn't want to mess anything up, but he couldn't help but feel something more for her.

Peyton watched as the teacher turned around and began scribbling something on the board. She took the opportunity to look over at Lucas who in turn looked back at her. He gave her a half smile and in turn she gave him a small one. She lifted up the paper she had been sketching on and showed him what she was sketching. It was of a classroom, much like the one they were in, where Peyton was all of the way on one side of the room and Lucas was on the other. "Notice Me," the words were written at the top.

"I'm sorry," She mouthed.

"Me too," He mouthed back before turning his attention back to their teacher, but Peyton didn't turn her head away. She continued to stare at him much to her dismay. She really missed him these past few days, but she didn't want to need him. She really didn't want to need anyone again, because she knew she would end up getting hurt, but he _made_ her need him. She wasn't too sure if his heart was still with Brooke, but she couldn't help but need him. She couldn't help but want to spend time with him. She couldn't help but practically fall for him all over again. She wanted him to feel the same way she did. Someone would end up getting hurt she was sure, but maybe time was on their side this time. She just hoped that he would wait for her.


	2. White Shadows

_Maybe you'll get what you wanted  
__Maybe you'll stumble upon it  
__Everything you ever wanted in a permanent state  
__Maybe you'll know when you see it  
__Maybe if you say it you'll meant it  
__And when you find it you keep it  
__In a permanent state  
_White Shadows-Coldplay

After a long day at school all Peyton wanted to do was go home and sketch, but instead she had to straighten some things up at Tric. Tomorrow was all ages night and she had to stack up some records for the DJ play. She let out a sigh as she went through each record; she had never been so bored.

"Need some help?" She jumped when she felt someone tap her on her shoulder. She turned around to see a laughing Lucas.

"Very funny." She lightly hit him on his shoulder.

"You should've seen your face." He smiled as he watched her roll her eyes and turn back to looking through some records.

"I'm sorry. I just haven't seen you all day and I couldn't resist." He shrugged. This was the first time they had been apart for so long. He was so use to going up to her room making sure she was ready to go wherever that it seemed weird not seeing her.

"So how was your day?" She asked ready to change the subject. Asking him how his day went was a little strange. She was so use to being with him the whole day that she didn't have to ask, but now things were different. He was different and most of all she was different. Over the summer they were just friends, but now her feelings were involved and she didn't know what better to do than to just stay away.

"Not bad… what about you? You going to cheerleading practice on Thursday?"

"Well, my day doesn't suck so far and I'll be at cheerleading practice if I'll see you there." She was trying to make a deal with him to see if he was going to basketball practice. She knew about his heart condition, but she still didn't know if he could play or not. She still remembered the day when he told her.

* * *

_ They both sat there in silence for a while, just listening to the waves crashing. This was their second time coming back to that spot on the beach, that very spot where he had found her sitting there a couple of weeks ago. He had called her and told her to meet him there because he needed to talk. He didn't want to screw up their newfound friendship again by lying to her so he figured he'd better tell her the truth now. _

_She had been nervous when she hung up the phone all the way till this very moment. What did he need to talk to her about and why was it so important? She hated when he did things like this… when everything we be fine between them and then he had to go and throw things off track. She could say a simple thing and he would respond with something that would practically turn her world upside down. _

"_So Luke, what did you have to tell me?" She asked her voice barely above a whisper. She was almost too afraid to ask._

"_Peyton I just wanted to let you know this now because I don't want to screw things up between us and because I trust you enough to tell you this, but you have to promise me you won't tell anyone." He never took his gaze off of the ocean and she noticed this._

_She contemplated on what to say and soon realize that she really had no choice, "I promise."_

"_Good…" Right there he told her everything from Dan's accident to the truth about his heart. That he had the HCM. It was then when he finally took his gaze off of the ocean and set it upon her face._

_She turned to face him, his eyes meeting her almost tear filled ones. She really didn't know what to say, but she couldn't judge him for his actions. She couldn't judge him at all. Sometimes you had to lie to the ones you loved to protect them._

"_Are you ever going to be okay?" She managed to croak out, desperately trying to fight her tears that were about to fall._

"_If I keep taking my medicine, which I told you ran out so I really don't know what I'm going to do." He admitted. There was no use lying to her, he just hated seeing her like this. He hated seeing her when she was sad or upset._

"_I know what you're going to say, why didn't I tell you, but—"_

"_I'm not going to say that," She cut him off, "I wasn't going to say that at all. Lucas, I just—I can't blame you for not telling me—for not telling anyone. We weren't on such good terms anyway and if you told, everyone would probably walk around eggshells when they were around you… or judge you and I won't do that. I can't do that. Sure, I'm angry that you kept this to yourself all this time, but all I really care about right now is that you're going to be okay." She couldn't hold herself together any longer so she did the only thing that she thought was best she hugged him. _

_Just like the last time she clung on to him as she fought back tears. She just wanted him to be okay and on top of that she had her own confession to make. She just wished she were as brave as he was right now._

_He hugged her back tightly as he rested his cheek on hers. This was what he needed. He was just so glad that he finally told someone and most of all that she didn't judge him. _

"_Thank you." He whispered as they still hugged. That was the only response he could think of and it was the only one that seemed to fit._

_She nodded and pulled away, "Lucas." She sniffed as she felt his arms leave her waist. It was now or never._

"_What?" He asked softly, not noticing the look of fear in her eyes._

"_There's something I need to tell you, too…"

* * *

_

It was at that very moment where she told him about the drugs and just as she did he didn't judge her at all and she was grateful. 

"Peyton did you hear what I said?" His voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"Huh?" She asked obviously not hearing a word he said.

"I said, yeah I'll be there. I'm going for a check up tomorrow to see if everything's okay." She nodded. She groaned at the fact that today was only Monday.

"Need some company?" She asked referring to his appointment.

He smiled, "Sure. I'd like that." He was glad that he would have someone to be there with him and he was glad it would be Peyton, given the fact that she was the only one that knew and he planned on keeping it that way. He didn't know why but when he wasn't with her he felt like a part of him was missing. They had grown so close over the summer it just didn't seem right without her.

"Great. Hey, can you put these in the back?" She gave him a box of the remaining records. Lucas being there kind of made her workload go faster.

"Sure." She watched Lucas disappear into the back before putting the box of records she had under the DJ booth. She was all done for the day.

She felt someone tap her on the shoulder again and was ready to yell at Lucas again.

"It's never funny the second time Luke." She stated as she turned around ready to meet the Lucas' laughing face.

"I'll be sure to tell him that the next time I see him." But instead was met with lying eyes of Elizabeth. The small smile that Peyton had on her face dropped and was replaced with an emotionless stare. She didn't want her there.

"What are you doing here?"

Elizabeth frowned at the cold tone of voice Peyton used, "Please don't be like this… I just wanted to see you."

"Yeah? Well you saw me and now it's time to say goodbye." She spat, not willing or ready to go threw this with the women who claimed to be her mother.

"Peyton I just want you to hear me out." Elizabeth pleaded and watched as she saw Peyton's face soften a little.

"You've got two minutes." She allowed.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. I've tried getting in contact with you all summer and you've just been ignoring me—"

"Oh so you've noticed?"

Elizabeth ignored her comment and continued with that she had to say, "I just want to—"

"I didn't know exactly where to leave the boxes so…" His words slowed towards the end when he noticed the woman standing in front of Peyton.

"Oh," His face dropped a little, "I'll just come back when you're—"

"No. Stay." Peyton said firmly. She wasn't too sure if she could stand there, listen to Elizabeth, and not break into tears. She wouldn't believe anything she was saying. She couldn't. She wouldn't allow herself to. Why would she lie like that? Everything this woman was saying was a lie. It _had_ to be.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" Elizabeth's lips curved into a smile, which Peyton saw as fake. Everything this woman was had to be fake.

She tried to shake all of the bad thoughts from her mind, but she couldn't. She was didn't like when people judged others and here she was doing the exact same thing herself. She was judging Elizabeth, but how could she not?

Peyton sighed, "His name is Lucas."

"Nice to meet you Lucas… I'm Elizabeth." She introduced herself and Lucas nodded. So this was Elizabeth the woman claiming to be Peyton's mother. She didn't really look like Peyton, well who was he to judge he had never seen Peyton's mother. Something about her didn't seem right or maybe it was his automatic defense for Peyton that made him feel like this.

"You were saying," All Peyton wanted to do was get this all over with and go home.

"I just want to get to know you that's all. I want to be apart of your life if you let me." That was it for Peyton she couldn't take it anymore.

"You just want to get to know me? You want to be apart of my life? If you really are my mother you would've been there, but instead you just ran away! It's a little too late now to be apart of my life, don't you think?"

"Peyton please." She pleaded.

"No. Just save it." Peyton didn't want to hear any of her excuses anymore.

"Peyton." She pleaded again.

"You need to leave."

Elizabeth let out a sigh there was really no use getting to her, "Here's my number—you can call me anytime when you're ready." She dropped a piece of paper on the table, turned around, and went out the door.

She stared at the number for a while and reluctantly put it in her pocket. If she would ever get in contact with her father she would show him this. The only way she would ever know the truth is if she got in contact with him.

"You okay?" She heard Lucas' soft voice.

He stood next to her and watched as she looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes. He held out his arms and closed his eyes as she fell into them. He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back as he heard her hushed sobs in his shirt. Having her in his arms again felt good… it felt right. He wished that he could do something to help her, to ease her pain, but he knew he really couldn't do anything except be there for her.

"How could she do this to me? What if—what if she's really my mom?" She muttered into his shirt as she continued to cry. She hated crying, but it was really the only thing she could do right now.

"It doesn't change how you feel about the one you grew up with does it?"

"No, but how could he lie to me like that?"

"We don't know if your father lied or not. If he did, I'm sure he had a good reason to." He said anything to stop her from crying and so far it was working. He couldn't blame her for being so lost and confused. If he were going through this he would probably feel the same way she did.

She sniffed and finally pulled out of the hug. She was glad Lucas was there for her, she was so glad. She couldn't do this alone. She needed him; she needed him so much now.

"You're right." She wiped her eyes and tried to regain her composure.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asked wanting to make sure she would be okay. He hated seeing her like this.

"No," She admitted, knowing that there was no use lying to him anymore, "But I'll manage."

He nodded, "If you need to talk you know I'm here."

She nodded and without another word they walked out of Tric. She wouldn't take his words for granted, not this time.

* * *

She walked up the steps to her bedroom and when she finally reached it she saw Haley lying on her bed reading a book. She smiled to herself happy that Haley was staying here with her. She liked having a big house all to herself, but at times it could get lonely. She was glad she had someone to share it with. 

"Hey." She greeted and watched as Haley looked up from her book and made a move to get off the bed.

"No, it's all right—stay." She offered. Haley let out a small laugh and layed back down. She moved over as Peyton took a spot right next to her.

"No work at Tric?" Haley put her book down to the side and looked over at Peyton.

"Yeah there was, but it was only a little bit. What about you? Slow day at the café?"

Haley nodded, "Slow indeed… hey you look like you've been crying. You okay?"

Peyton was hoping Haley wouldn't notice, but of course she did. She had a way of seeing through people just like Lucas did.

"Yeah, but it was nothing." She tried to shrug it off, but Haley would have none of it.

"Elizabeth?" She asked, having a notion that that was the reason. She remembered clearly when Peyton had told her what happened a week ago.

She figured there was no use lying to her either, "Yeah. She tried to talk to me again this time—convince me to give her a chance, but I couldn't." This was a subject she really didn't like talking about. Every time the name Elizabeth was mentioned she felt like breaking down.

"Hey, don't worry everything will come around." She stated as Peyton leaned her head on her shoulder.

She looked up at her with big eyes like a frightened child, "You sure?"

"I'm sure." Haley laughed as she rested her head on top of Peyton's.

"Did you talk to Nathan yet?" Haley lifted her head up and watched as Peyton did, too. She sensed Peyton wanted a change of subject, but she hoped that it wouldn't be this.

"No not yet—we haven't spoken since he came back. He keeps on avoiding me and I don't blame him—what I did was horrible." Haley sighed, a part of her wished she could rewind her life back five months ago when things were simple and another part of her didn't want to do that at all. Singing was her dream; she loved it for as long as she could remember. Nothing matched the thrill of being up there on stage, singing your heart out, but something beat it. Her love for Nathan beat out that thrill, it's what made her quit the tour and come back to Tree Hill. In her mind she knew she should've stayed on tour, but her heart assured her that she made the right decision.

"It's not completely your fault. You were just following your dream, Hales. I probably would've done the same thing." Peyton offered some empathy to her friend. She knew Haley loved to sing and she knew Haley loved Nathan. In the back of her mind she knew their marriage wouldn't work in the beginning, but now she thought differently. Yeah, she still thought they got married too young, but they loved each other, they still did and sometimes that was all you needed. She didn't like that Haley left without an explanation, but sometimes that was what you had to do.

She looked at Peyton, "Really?"

"If I could sing like you can, of course!" They both started laughing.

"Thanks for letting me stay here Peyton. You're a good friend." She really meant that. The truth was other than Luke; Peyton had been like her best friend. Sure there was Brooke, but she wasn't really that close to her. Not just anyone would take a friend in like that, but Peyton did and she was grateful for that.

"It's no problem, Hales."

* * *

Lucas shrugged through the door of his house and was welcomed with a note on the door. He took it and read it. His mom was out grocery shopping and she would be back in an hour or two. The house was quiet so he suspected Brooke wasn't there. He looked around and dropped his bag on the couch, his new bed for the rest of the year. Having his room back over the summer was great—being back on the couch definitely wasn't. He layed down on the couch and contemplated turning on the TV or just falling asleep and right now although falling asleep seemed like a good idea something was keeping him up. The whole Peyton situation was keeping him up, the whole Brooke situation was keeping him up, even Nathan and Haley's situation kept him thinking. 

"_You know what your problem is?" Peyton asked him out of the blue as they lie on his bed looking up at the ceiling._

"_What?" He asked, curious to figure out what she would say._

"_You take up so much time trying to please everyone that you almost end up loosing yourself. Sometimes you have to just take life as it is." She looked over at him and waited for him to respond. She wasn't doing this to make him angry she was just being open with him. He had done the same thing to her a week ago._

"_You're right."_

He closed his eyes and thought about that conversation they had. She was right. He was always trying to please everyone. He had tried doing that last year and ended up loosing himself and everyone he cared about. He didn't want that to happen again. He just wished that he could help Peyton. He had gotten her to trust him now all he needed was for her to trust herself. With Brooke it was different, he didn't know how she felt about him, but he was pretty sure how he felt about her. He spent a whole summer without her, a summer where he gained new insight to his life and it was great. Now she was back and his feelings they weren't quite the same, not at all. He still appreciated her as a friend, but he was sure that was it. He just didn't want to hurt her again.

If she did have feelings for him and he declined he would be looked at as a liar and he was sure she would think it was because of Peyton. Peyton wasn't the reason at all, sure he was starting to feel a little more than just friendship for her, hell he felt like that the whole summer, but he was a different person now. He thought before he spoke now.

The door slammed and he rose up off the couch, expecting to see his mom.

"Hey, mom… that was fast." He sat up on the couch and watched as she came walking up to him.

"Oh, Brooke. It's you." He didn't really know what to say, this was really the first time they spoke since before the summer started.

Brooke took a deep breath, if she didn't do this now, she would never do it.

"Lucas, we need to talk." She stated firmly as Lucas looked down at the ground. It was the moment he had waited for and yet the moment he had dreaded. He had no choice but to talk.

* * *

Okay, this chapter was longer than the other. I hoped you guys liked it. Thanks for reading and reviewing: Laur, Ella, LPS3, and Amber. I'm a huge Coldplay fan myself so I guess you'll be happy to know that each chapter is kind of based on each song from X&Y. Next I'm looking towards _Twisted Logic_. 


	3. Twisted Logic

_Sunlight opened up my eyes  
To see for the first time  
It opened them up  
And tonight  
Rivers will run dry  
And not for the first time  
__Rivers will run…  
_Twisted Logic-Coldplay

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked. He was playing dumb, he knew what she wanted to talk about. She wanted to talk about them.

Brooke held her hand firmly on her hip. She knew what he was doing and she really didn't have time for it. She just wanted to get everything over with. She couldn't take having to practically walk on eggshells whenever she was in the house. She had avoided him since the day she came back from California, not once did she say a word to him. How could he expect her to speak to him after what happened before summer started. Ever since they started going out before, she had longed to hear those words come from his mouth, but when he finally did she didn't feel the way she expected herself to feel. She was truly a different person and she planned to stay that way and yet in a way she still thought she needed him.

"Lucas—"

"I'm home!" They both turned as they heard the door slam. Karen walked over to the kitchen and put the groceries on the table.

"Hey mom." Lucas let out a sigh of relief. Now they wouldn't have to talk.

"Hey Karen." Brooke muttered. They couldn't do this now, not with his mother in the same room. She would just have to wait.

Karen's eyes darted from Lucas to Brooke and then back to Lucas again. She noticed the tension between them; it was the same tension she saw a few months ago when Lucas had finally came back home.

"Is everything all right?"

Lucas looked up at Brooke and watched as she looked at Karen. He just shrugged.

"Everything's fine," Brooke sighed as she prepared to retreat to her room, "We'll talk later."

They both watched as Brooke walked down the hall to her room and slammed the door shut.

"What was that about?" Karen asked as she began to put away the groceries.

"I don't know."

* * *

Lucas and Peyton were sitting in the lobby of the doctor's office waiting patiently for his doctor to come out. Lucas thought his check up had gone fairly well, but it wasn't up to what he thought. Nothing was ever that simple. His left leg was shaking and he couldn't stop it. It was something he did when he was nervous.

"Lucas—could you stop shaking." Peyton's irritated voice broke his thoughts.

He looked at her and shrugged helplessly, "I'm nervous."

"Yeah well you shaking is making me nervous, too." She was really scared for him.

He looked over at her, "What are you nervous for?"

She looked over at him and sighed, sometimes he could be so clueless.

"What if the doctor comes out and says that you can't play basketball anymore or that your heart is getting worse?" She hated admitting her thoughts like this, but she couldn't help it. If Lucas wasn't all right she didn't know what she would do. She couldn't take another person leaving in her life… not again. Now she was thinking too much, she rambled when she was nervous.

"And you're supposed to be my rock right now?" He joked and instead of receiving a laugh from Peyton he got a hit in the chest.

"What?" He asked defensively.

"Don't joke like that," She paused as he started laughing—his first real laugh of the day, "It's not funny."

He laughed some more at her seriousness all of the sudden. If she wasn't going to have a positive outlook on his situation then he just had to have one by himself.

"Lucas—Lucas this isn't funny." She gave in and started laughing along with him. She couldn't help it.

He loved hearing her laugh; watching the slow smile creep upon her face until she finally gave in. Her laughter was starting to make him feel better. It was the little things like this that made him weak for her.

"C'mon Peyton," He said once their laughter subsided, "We have to be positive about this."

She met his gaze and nodded. He was absolutely right. They had to be positive about this. Most of all she had to start being positive about things, but as much as she tried she just couldn't. That was one of the many things Lucas had tried to help her with this summer—not being so negative all of the time. She had to admit; if people weren't always leaving in her life she would be less pessimistic. Jake left her, her father was never home, and most of all her mother was gone.

Strangely enough ever since her mother died she had hoped that she would come back—just to tell her everything would be all right. She drew "Sometimes They Come Back" for a mix of reasons and ironically she had gotten her wish… well sort of. Instead of her mother she got Elizabeth, the woman claiming to be her mother. Being careful what you wished for never had a truer meaning.

"I'm sorry Luke, but I can't help being pessimistic. You know that."

"I know," He nodded sympathetically, "But you just wait things are gonna start looking up for you, Peyt."

He gave her one of those eye-piercing stares and she was gone. That stare that made her go weak and just want to put up her walls at the same time. She couldn't help but melt under his gaze, she just wished he wouldn't do this now, but she was sure he wasn't aware of what he was doing.

He couldn't help but get lost into her beautiful hazel eyes. The same eyes that would always pull him in and then reel him back out in the same instant, the same eyes that he could read so well. He didn't know what was going on between them recently, but he liked it. He liked spending time with her and he liked being in her life more. I guess you could say over the summer his heart's desire had been filled.

"Mr. Scott." The doctor's voice broke them both out of the moment.

"So can I play?" He wasted no time getting to the point. He just wanted to get everything over with.

"Well…" He stalled pausing to look over his files one more time. It was at this moment where Lucas' leg starting shaking again.

Peyton shot him a glare and he immediately stopped.

"Lucas you know having this HCM isn't easy," Lucas nodded. At this time Peyton placed her hand on his knee for comfort.

"But everything seems to be fine—so you can play." Lucas let out a sigh of relief. It felt like he had been waiting for this moment all of his life. He was just so glad.

"Thank you," Lucas rose up from his seat and shook his doctor's hand.

"Just remember to keep taking your medication and you should be fine." Was the last thing he had said before disappearing into his office.

"Congratulations." She rose up from her seat and patted him on his shoulder.

He turned to look at her, just so appreciative that he had someone there for him in this very moment, "Thanks for being here Peyt."

* * *

_Don't fight for the wrong side  
say what you feel like  
say how you feel…_

Peyton walked inside her house to find Haley sitting in the living room crying. She was glad she told Lucas that she would see him later. If he had came into the house he would see Haley crying and get defensive and that wasn't what Haley needed. Not right now.

"Haley? What's Wrong?" She asked as she took a seat next to her on the couch. Haley removed her hands from her face and looked up at Peyton… she was so miserable.

"It's over." She managed to croak out.

Peyton closed her eyes and shook her head; she hoped that she didn't mean what she thought she did.

"You and Nathan?" Haley nodded as she let out a sob.

"Oh Hales, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She looked at her friend sympathetically and hugged her. She really didn't think that they would actually end things. She thought they would work it out… she thought their love for each other would've been enough.

"It's okay," She sniffed as she pulled away and wiped her eyes.

"What happened?" She asked softly. She watched as Haley turned her gaze from her to look straight ahead.

"He came to me at the library during lunch and told me that we needed to talk. I agreed and after school I met him at the café and we talked. I thought—I thought we were going to work things out. We talked about things for a while and I thought everything was going well until I saw the papers sticking out of his bag." She stopped abruptly doing all she could to keep herself from crying.

"What papers?" Peyton didn't mean to pry, but she just had to know.

Haley looked at Peyton again with tears glistening in her eyes, "He wants to get an annulment."

Peyton sighed; she really didn't like to see her friend hurt like this. She knew Nathan had been hurting for a long time after Haley's departure and a part of her couldn't blame him. He had lost the love his life, but then the other part of her understood why Haley left. She had to follow her dreams and do something for herself for a change. She could never side with one of them—they both were her friends.

She couldn't really think of anything to say to her friend so she just let Haley lay her head on her shoulder.

"I know that I hurt him—I hurt him badly, but I didn't expect for him to want our marriage to be over." She whispered helplessly. She had been married and practically divorced all just before the age of seventeen.

"Did you sign the papers?"

"I practically had no choice… Deb is probably working on filing them right now so by tomorrow our marriage would've never happened. I bet she's happy," Haley laughed bitterly referring to Deb, "He said that this wouldn't work out anymore, that he was a different person now and so was I so it would be better off if we were just friends." She mumbled.

"I'm sorry, Hales. I really am. I thought you guys would work things out and that everything would go back to the way it was."

"Me too." An overwhelming silence came over the both of them as they sat on the couch. All of the events of the last year had had them both contemplating not only their everyday lives, but their future, too.

"So," Haley drawled as she stood up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen, "I've been here for a little over two weeks and I still don't know what to do when I get hungry or something."

They both laughed as Peyton got off the couch and walked to the kitchen to stand next to Haley.

She grabbed the cordless phone and wrapped her arm around Haley; "Let me introduce you to the wonderful world of take out." They both starting laughing as Peyton opened the freezer to show packaged frozen pizza that had to be about 3 yrs old.

"Unless you want to take your chances and try the pizza?" Peyton joked and Haley laughed. Peyton was doing a great job taking her mind off of things—things being Nathan, but she was helping a lot. She couldn't ask for a better friend.

"I'm serious." She tried to keep her straight face on but ended up laughing along with Haley instead.

"So, are you gonna be okay?"

"I will be."

* * *

One large pizza later, both Peyton and Haley were stuffed and exhausted as they sat on the couch watching some lame romantic-comedy.

"This is so horrible—who gets married at sixteen?" Peyton asked obviously not thinking before she spoke.

"I did." She looked over at Peyton and watched her face drop.

"Oh," She winced, "I'm sorry Hales."

"It's all right," Haley grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, "But enough about me… what's going on with you and Lucas?"

"Nothing." She answered simply.

Haley rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I saw you two after school, he got in your car! Where were you two going anyway?"

Peyton didn't know what to say now. She couldn't just tell Haley about Lucas having the HCM. Not only would she be angry with her for not telling her, but also if she did tell she would be disrespecting Lucas' wishes.

"Um…" Peyton trailed off. She didn't know what to say; even if she did lie she was sure Haley would see right through it.

"It's okay you don't have to tell me," She paused noticing that Peyton was hiding something from her, "But you still didn't answer my question."

Haley watched as a shy smile appeared on her friend's face soon followed by a light blush.

"Is Peyton Sawyer blushing?" Haley laughed and clapped her hands together. She was getting such a kick out of this. She hadn't spoke to Lucas for a few days and the last time she had really had a decent conversation with him was when he came to visit her on tour with Brooke. She had to admit she was shocked to see Brooke with him instead of Peyton. She had always thought him and Peyton had made more sense anyway.

Peyton looked away shyly, "No!"

"Oh yes you are," Haley laughed some more, "People with nothing going on between them sure don't act like this."

"Fine…fine…" She was prepared to talk, "Like I told you before we spent an amazing summer together as friends and I really don't want to ruin anything at all. He helped me get through a lot of things and we practically weren't even friends last year, but now we are and I just can't help but feel something more for him." Peyton sighed.

"Peyton—"

"It's just hard Hales. It really is." Peyton admitted as Haley patted her on her leg.

"I'm sorry Peyton. I really am, it's just you know he's seeing anyone right now, you're not seeing anyone right now…" She trailed off hoping that Peyton would get her point.

"It's not that easy. You know I want to tell him—but then I see Brooke and I just start to feel guilty."

"Have you spoken to her about it?"

"No. I've been kind of avoiding her lately." She admitted.

"So, it's not like you two are doing anything wrong." Peyton shook her head at Haley's response.

"I don't know if she still likes him or not—I don't even know if he's really over her or not either. Before she left he told her he loved her." Saying that never really hurt her up until now. What if he still had feelings for Brooke? She couldn't take ruining her and Brooke's friendship let alone her and Luke's, too.

"Peyton you should tell him, seriously." She tried to offer advice to her friend, but she didn't think her words were going to get through to her. She knew herself what it was like to be on the outside looking in, she knew what it was like to feel like your going forward but only to take two steps back. She had been doing it for months with Nathan and the tour and she just didn't want to see Peyton go through it. Conflictions with the heart and your head—she knew it all too well.

"Haley—"

"What's the worse that could happen?" She cut her off causing Peyton to think about her words.

* * *

_You'll go backwards  
but then  
you'll go forwards  
and then  
you'll go backwards  
again  
you'll go forwards…_

After much thought and a little push from Haley, Peyton had found herself at the River Court. It wasn't too late out and it was the only place she had thought Lucas would be and she was exactly right. She walked onto the court and stood there for a while as she watched Lucas shoot numerous free throws. He missed a couple, but the rest went in. It wasn't until five shots later when he turned his head and saw her standing there.

"Hey." He called out as he continued to shoot.

She walked up to where he was standing, "Hey."

He watched as the ball fell threw the hoop and rolled onto the side. He jogged over and retrieved it.

"So what are you doing here so late?" She started up the conversation wondering why she was even there at all.

"I could ask you the same question." He arched his brow and looked her way.

He watched as a small smile appeared on her face, "Very funny Luke."

"I try." He said smugly as he shrugged and smiled.

"I came here to warm up," He turned to look at her, "You know for practice tomorrow."

She nodded, "Oh? So does your mom know your here or did you just sneak out the window?" It was now her turn for the smart remark.

Lucas laughed, "Something like that."

"So now it's time for you to answer my question. What are you doing here?"

"I just came—you know to talk."

He nodded and motioned for her to follow him over to the picnic table that was positioned by the river. Within a few strides behind him they were both sitting on top of the table just staring into the night sky. There was silence, but it wasn't an awkward one. They didn't have those anymore. It was a comfortable silence; they understood each other without words.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked clearing up the silence.

She met his gaze and took a deep breath… could she really do this? Right here and right now?

"We're friends right?" She started off slowly, choosing her words carefully.

"Yeah of course." Lucas stated as if it was the stupidest question in the world.

"Good," She nodded, "Look Lucas we never really did discuss what happened over the summer and I just think now would be a good time."

"Now?" He asked. He was becoming confused by her words, what was she really getting at?

"Yes now."

"But nothing happened over the summer—I mean nothing life altering. We rekindled our friendship." He placed a hand over her shoulder and she nodded.

"Right," She said no louder than a whisper, "I—I told you a lot of things about myself and everything going on with me."

"Yeah," He nodded, "Just like I told you a lot of things about myself and everything going on, too."

"Yeah." She agreed. She couldn't seem to find the right words to say to him about how she was feeling. So she just didn't say anything. If she said too little he would think something was wrong and if she said too much he would still think that something was wrong. So either way it was basically a lose/lose situation.

"Peyt, is there something wrong?" There. She had said too little.

"No… nothings wrong," She gave him a reassuring nod but he didn't seem to believe her, "I promise."

"Okay." He said softly still wondering why she was acting like this. Something had to be wrong.

"Is this about Elizabeth?" He asked and she shook her head.

"No," She met his gaze again, "Luke you helped me get through a lot of things over the summer and—and I just…" She stalled again. She didn't know what to say; well she knew exactly what to say, but she just couldn't get it out. There was too much at risk if she told him how she really felt about him, if she told him that she wanted there to be more than friendship between them.

He set his blue-eyed gaze on her again, his eyes secretly begging her to say what she felt. A part of him was longing to tell her how he felt—but the other part was telling him not to. If he did she would probably shut him out again and he didn't want that. That was the last thing he would ever want.

"I just," She started over, "I just wanted to say…thank you." She let out. Instead of telling him how she felt she opted for gratitude instead.

Lucas let out a hushed sigh… that wasn't what he was hoping for, but it made things a little clearer. All she wanted from him was friendship so if that was what he wanted then that was what he would be… a friend.

"It's no problem… we're friends." He looked down at her, locking his blue eyes with her hazel ones.

She layed her head on his shoulder and nodded.

"Yeah… friends." She sighed… she would just have to tell him how she felt another day. That is… if he would wait.

_You'll go forwards  
and then  
you'll go backwards  
again…

* * *

_

Disappointing? You wanted Peyton to tell Lucas how she felt didn't you? Yeah… well maybe she won't, or maybe she will… eventually. Thank you guys for the wonderful reviews, I'm really glad that you like this! I hope you Coldplay fans enjoyed my use of _Twisted Logic_. Next up is _X & Y_.


	4. X&Y

_Trying hard to speak and  
fighting with my weak hand  
driven to distraction  
so part of the plan_

X&Y-Coldplay

Peyton was having a horrible day, she had been piled with homework and Brooke had been extra hard on everyone at cheerleading practice today. She must've really wanted that trophy. On top of that she was avoiding Lucas yet again. After what had happened last night she didn't think she could face him at all. She had seen him giving her glances, while he was running laps, but she ignored it. She just had to ignore it.

"Peyton wait up!" She closed her eyes and hoped that it wasn't Lucas. She just couldn't see him—it would be too embarrassing.

She slowly turned around to see Brooke practically running towards her. Did she forget to mention she was avoiding Brooke, too?

"Brooke…hey." She greeted when Brooke finally reached her.

"P Sawyer! Don't you ever make me run like that in these heels again!" Brooke cried, which made Peyton laugh a little.

"I'm sorry."

Brooke linked Peyton's arm with hers and they started to walk through the parking lot, "You left kind of fast after practice. I'm sorry I was being so hard on you guys, it's just I really don't want to lose to Claire Young again."

I nodded, "I understand."

Brooke frowned at Peyton's lack of conversation. She had only spoken to her best friend once since she came back and it made her feel guilty.

"So is it just me or have you been avoiding me lately?"

This was what she didn't want Brooke to ask. Yes, it was true she was avoiding her—but if she asked her about Lucas she would probably get upset.

"I'm sorry Brooke," She turned to give her a sympathetic expression, "It's just I've been busy—"

"With Tric. I know, I know. I just miss my best friend." Brooke pouted, which made Peyton laugh.

"I miss you, too B Davis." She gave Brooke a side hug as they continued to walk.

"Now was it just me or was Lucas practically gawking at you today at practice?" She gave me a little nudge.

"What?" I laughed nervously.

Brooke smirked as she saw the faint blush on Peyton's face, "Oh c'mon. Like you didn't notice."

"I didn't." She shrugged, hoping that they would reach her car now. She didn't feel comfortable talking to Brooke about Lucas. It felt… wrong.

"Whatever you say." She whispered as they finally reached Peyton's car.

They stopped as Peyton pulled her car door open and turned to Brooke. If she would ever have a chance with Lucas she had to know how Brooke felt about him.

"Do you still have feelings for Lucas?" She asked her best friend abruptly, which caught Brooke totally off guard.

"I guess not…" Peyton let out a sigh of relief.

"Well, I don't know. You know I've been trying to talk to him, but—whenever I get the courage to finally do it something gets in the way. He told me he loved me and I don't even know if he still does." She admitted.

"Do you," She couldn't really bring herself to say it, "Do you love him?"

"I know you told me before I left that he's not the same guy and I'm not the same girl, but— sometimes when I'm with him I feel like I'm becoming _that _girl again." She whispered. She didn't want to become that girl again, she really didn't. She was independent now and while a part of her liked it that way the other part of her still held onto him.

Peyton didn't know what to say. She had forgotten that she practically gave Brooke her blessing to go for Lucas, but she had been so caught up in her own problems that she didn't know what she was saying.

"So do you? You know… l-love him?" She stuttered over her words, she didn't want to hurt her best friend again. She really didn't, but being with Lucas was just something she felt like she had to do… it was like breathing. She couldn't help but want something more with Lucas. She just couldn't ignore it anymore. She wanted to be able to come to love him, but she didn't know if she could. She wanted things to be right.

She watched as Brooke looked down at the pavement as if she were thinking, before meeting her eyes again. She had that unreadable look in her eyes.

"I don't know." She bit her lip and answered as honestly as she could.

Peyton nodded and got ready to get in her car.

"I've got to get going—Haley's alone at the house and you know how it gets pretty lonely in there." She lied before Brooke could question her actions.

"Okay," Brooke sighed wondering why Peyton was acting so weird, "I'll call you—you know if you want to hang out or something?" Grasping at her last attempts to hold on to their seemingly fading friendship.

She started her car and tried her best to hold her small smile, "Okay."

Brooke smiled in satisfaction as Peyton began to pull off, "See you later."

"Yeah." Her voice barely above a whisper as she drove away. Things were never going to be right.

* * *

"Hey Hales." She said as she entered her friend's room, which was formally the guest room. 

"Hey." Haley sat up on the bed and watched as Peyton began going through her collection of CDs.

"What are you doing?" She asked bewildered that Peyton was actually looking through her CDs.

She turned away from what she was doing to look at Haley, who had a scrunched expression on her face.

"I'm borrowing a CD." She stated as if it was the dumbest question ever.

"I know that," She paused to throw a pillow at Peyton.

"Hey!" She laughed as she caught the pillow and threw the pillow back at Haley.

"So should I make a list of CDs I'm missing that people borrowed and put them on my door, too?" She joked and earned a small laugh from Peyton.

"Very funny and no you shouldn't. I'll bring it back in an hour or so, I just need something to sketch to." She finally turned around as she leaned on the dresser with a CD in hand.

"I'd never thought I'd see the day," She paused again to laugh, "Peyton Sawyer borrowing one of my CDs." They both started laughing.

"So which one is it? The new Coldplay?"

"No it isn't Coldplay… it's uh…The Best Of—"

"Sheryl Crow?" She asked, the shocked sound distinct in her voice. That was the only Best Of CD she owned and Peyton was the last person she would expect to listen to it.

"Yeah," She laughed slightly, "Why is that so surprising?"

"Because I just didn't think you'd be into her."

"I'm not."

"Then why are you borrowing it?" She arched her brow.

And cornered she was. If she lied Haley would see right through it, but if she didn't say anything she wouldn't be able to tell at all.

"No reason."

"Is this about Lucas?" Haley caught on and once again Peyton was wrong. Haley was just as bad as Lucas—maybe even worse.

"No—this isn't." She took her chances with lying. It was about Lucas; lately all anything had ever been about was Lucas.

"How did it go last night?" She asked hoping that Lucas didn't reject her.

"I didn't tell him." She admitted.

Haley sighed, "So what did you tell him?"

"I went to the River Court and he was there. I knew he'd be there—so we just started talking. It started off shaky and I was going to tell him—I really was, but I couldn't. I realized that if I did then I would be messing up a lot of things." Telling Haley about it all made the two feelings that she hated to feel come together again, disappointment and regret. She was disappointed with herself for not telling Lucas how she felt, for letting herself trust him again, and for letting herself fall. She regretted not doing something for herself for once, giving Brooke her blessing to be with Lucas, she practically regretted everything that had been happening lately. Maybe if she forgot about everything it would be as if none of it had ever happened in the first place, but life was never that easy.

Haley saw the hurt lingering in Peyton's eyes and tried to think of some comforting words. She needed to speak to Lucas herself… to see how he felt about Peyton. She hated being so out of the loop.

"Sometimes you just have to take a chance Peyton. You and I both know that. Sometimes you have to do something for yourself—there's nothing wrong with being a little selfish once and a while."

"Is this about Nathan?" Now it was her turn to question Haley. She wasn't one for seeing through people, but she could see the hurt look in Haley's eyes and that was all she needed to know.

Haley looked down at the ground before looking back up at Peyton and laughin slightly, "Looks like you've been hanging around me a little bit too long."

Peyton laughed at Haley's attempts to lighten the situation. Nathan was a touchy topic for Haley and he always would be and she understood that. She understood it so well because that's how it was with Lucas.

"I went on tour, I followed my dreams, and I had a blast. I wouldn't take any of it back at all. I mentally kick myself everyday knowing that I hurt Nathan so much, but I just had to take that chance. If I didn't go I would've regretted it—I know I would have. Being on tour was like getting everything I've ever dreamed of, knowing that you changed someone's life while you were up on that stage just made everything so much better, you know?" Peyton watched as she saw Haley practically light up when she spoke about the tour… much like how she was when she spoke to her about Nathan. She knew she was torn at the heart—music or Nathan. She chose Nathan, but ended up getting burned and yet she still didn't know how she held herself up everyday. How did Haley live with the regret? That was something she could never learn to do.

"Sounds like you really miss it."

"I do," Haley smiled silently, "But right now my life is here in Tree Hill. The reason I left without an explanation was to do something for myself. Singing was the only thing that I could call mine, you know? Brooke has cheerleading, you have your art, Lucas and Nathan have basketball—everyone had their thing and me, well all I had music. I had to find myself and being on tour just made everything clearer, so I came back home." Haley stopped talking and thought about the decisions she had made, all of the promises she broke, all of the infidelities that she had made.

"I'm glad you came back." Peyton whispered and watched as Haley smiled. Haley was becoming her rock these past days, she could come to her and talk about anything. Ever since she had started avoiding Lucas for the past couple of weeks she needed someone to talk to again.

"I—" Haley stopped talking when she heard the door slam.

"What's wrong?" Peyton noticed the somewhat frightened look on Haley's face.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to that," They both laughed at what Haley was referring to. People coming into Peyton's house without knocking had become the norm for as long as she could remember.

"I'll go downstairs to see who it is." Haley got up from her bed and headed downstairs.

"Luke, hey!" She said happily as she hugged him once she reached the door. 

"Hey Hales," He pulled away from the hug just to look at his best friend; words couldn't express how much he had missed her. He thought he would never see her again.

"So… how's the Sawyer residence treating you?" He watched as she smiled and shrugged.

"Well," She drawled just to figure out what to say, "I like it here. Peyton's been the best and uh, we practically eat take out every night, although there is some old frozen pizza in the fridge that I would love to try out—" She paused as she and Lucas shared a laugh.

"But um all in all, everything's great."

Lucas smiled. He was satisfied with her answer. He didn't mean to be so judgmental, but if there was no room for her at his house staying with Peyton had to be the next best thing.

"Listen, I heard about you and Nathan…" His small smile faded as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, "And I just wanted to say I'm sorry about everything."

"Don't be. It's all for the best right?" She sighed sadly as Lucas did his best to stay happy for her.

"Yeah." He said softly.

Already willing to change the subject Haley turned her head back towards the steps as she heard the sound of music blasting.

"So I'm guessing you're here to see Peyton. Am I right?"

"Right." He said sheepishly as he nodded.

"Is everything okay between you two?" She took the opportunity to get some outlook from Lucas.

"Yeah… everything is fine. We're friends." Haley tried her best not to roll her eyes at Lucas' answer. He obviously didn't know Peyton's feelings or his own for that matter. The tortured artist and tortured athlete, as she liked to call them, were just so naive at times.

"Okay. Well if you want to talk to her she's upstairs in her room." She watched as Lucas headed towards the steps.

"Be careful! She's listening to Sheryl Crow… I just thought I should tell you that." She laughed as Lucas turned to her and gave her a questioning expression.

"My thoughts exactly."

* * *

_When something is broken  
and you try and fix it  
trying to repair it  
any way you can…_

He had walked up the steps slower than usual and he really didn't know why. He stood in her doorway and watched as she sat in her chair and sketched. The First Cut Is The Deepest was currently blasting through her speakers and he tried his best to ignore it. He didn't take Peyton to be much of a Sheryl Crow listener; hell the only person he knew that listened to her was Haley. He stood there and just watched her because he really didn't know what to say at all. He had been giving her looks for the majority of the day at school and at practice, but she just ignored him. After they talked last night he walked her back to her house and now that he thought about it she was quiet… almost too quiet. Had he done or said something wrong? He could never tell with her. Every time they had become closer he would say or do something that would upset and that was something he needed help with.

He figured he shouldn't stand in her doorway for so long—it probably made him look like some deranged, obsessed stalker. He finally mustered up the courage to knock lightly on her door when she looked up at him instead.

"Lucas." She whispered softly as she put her sketchbook aside and grabbed the remote to turn off her stereo.

"I was going to knock, but then you looked up and—" He started to ramble but luckily Peyton cut him off.

"It's all right. Really." She assured him and he nodded.

"You can come in… if you want."

Again, he nodded as he walked into her room and sat down at the edge of the bed, and Peyton followed.

"So to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" He felt himself smile at her question.

"I just came by to see you…and to check up on Haley." He added the last part so she wouldn't think too much of his visit as he did.

"Oh," She said softly as she turned to look at him, "Look, I'm sorry about today. I just had a lot of things on my mind, you know?" She figured it was best if she just played it cool with Lucas, as if she didn't have feelings for him so it would be easier to forget about them. They could stay just friends… she was sure of it.

He looked at her, "Yeah, I kinda figured that."

"Okay. So now that that's all cleared up. What's the real reason behind your visit?" She asked. She could feel the smirk playing on her lips.

"Okay, okay you caught me," He threw his hands up in the air, which earned him a laugh from Peyton, "I just came to see if you wanted to hang out… you know like we used to." His voice softened on his last words. She looked down at her comforter to avoid the longing look in his eyes. She missed hanging out with him, too, but she was afraid that it would make things too complicated.

"Lucas, it isn't summer anymore. We can't just hang out and go places like it was nothing. We were alone in Tree Hill—we had nothing to worry about and now—now we do."

He just didn't understand her sometimes. Her eyes would tell him one thing, but then the minute she opened up her mouth her words would tell him something completely different. Their friendship was breaking and he was trying to fix it. He wanted desperately to fix it. He didn't care what he had to do; he just wanted her to let him in again.

"Like what?" She looked up at him and shrugged as she tried to think of an answer to his question. Nothing logical came to mind and that was because the only thing that was holding them back was she herself.

"Like school, work, homework…" She trailed off as nothing came to mind. He arched his brow as if he was expecting her to say more, to come up with better reasons, but she had nothing.

"Is that it?" A playful smirk played on his lips.

"Lucas Scott, do not give me that look." She tried to be stern as he got that look on his face whenever he was going to start laughing and laugh he did.

"Lucas!" She shrieked not appreciating that he was laughing at her.

"What?" He laughed some more, until she hit him on his shoulder.

"Oww! That could've hurt." He said in mock anger referring to his shoulder that he had hurt a while ago.

"Oh get over it. That was more than a year ago." She rolled her eyes.

"Well now that you've hit it, it feels like it happened just yesterday." He rubbed his shoulder.

"If you didn't laugh at me maybe you wouldn't feel that way." She stuck her tongue out at him and laughed.

"I couldn't help it. You sounded and acted like my mom." He defended himself and she laughed.

"Did not." She argued.

"Did to." He retorted.

She rolled her eyes knowing she wasn't winning this one. She was too tired to let this argument last.

"I'm not gonna argue with you, Lucas." She said simply.

"So what's up with the music you were listening to before I came him?"

"I just needed something to sketch to." She was lying, well atleast not fully. She did need something to sketch to, but it didn't have to be Sheryl Crow.

"Yeah right," He paused to lie down on her bed, "You have plenty other records to listen to."

Peyton turned to look at him as he made himself comfortable on her bed; they hadn't done that in a while.

"What are you doing?"

"Lying down. I'm tired, c'mon." He patted the remaining side of the bed inviting her to lie down next to him.

She looked at him with uncertainty before sighing and lying down next to him.

"We haven't done this in a while." She said softly as she turned to look at him.

"Yeah." He agreed as he met her eyes.

"So this is hanging out?" She asked, wondering if things would ever go back to normal again.

"Your eyes… they're green. I've never noticed that before." He said softly. There was something about their closeness and the way the sunlight hit her that made her glow. She was beautiful.

Peyton avoided his eyes and looked down at her comforter shyly, "They aren't—well they are… they just usually change colors." She stuttered her way through her sentence. Over the summer he would say random things like that and she would just ignore it, but now things were different.

She didn't understand him at times. In some ways he challenged her in ways no one ever could and in others he just frustrated her… he puzzled her. He would always do this to her. She would say something simple and he would respond with something so complicated, something that made her skin tingle, and her heart weak. He would always do that to her and she had missed that. The months they had spent apart was for their own good at first, but spending so much time with him over the summer made her wonder how they became so separate, so lost? She could never do that again, she didn't want to, but she was afraid she would have to.

She finally met his eyes again and he just smiled at her. She smiled back at him and went back to staring up at the ceiling in the silence. It was the simple things they would do that made her appreciate him being there. She missed him… she missed them hanging out together. When did everything get so complicated? It all got complicated when she realized it was too important to stay the way it's been, but what if she was wrong?

* * *

_I dive in at the deep end  
you become my best friend…_

She was finally going to do it. It was almost eleven and she knew it was probably too late, but she wasn't going to wait. She just couldn't. She was going to tell him, finally. The afternoon they spent in her room made everything clearer. She was ready to pour her heart at to him; she was ready to let him in completely. Haley was right, sometimes you just had to do something for yourself.

She held a mix tape firmly in her hand and she walked. If she were going to back out because of some reason, she would give him this instead. She knew she was probably pushing herself in too deep, they had just rekindled their friendship and there she was ready to have something more. Maybe this was a bad idea… the walk to his house was long and cold. She wished she would've brung her sweater or something. She wanted to get everything over with and yet she wanted things to go slow. She was so lost and confused and telling Lucas how she felt seemed to be the only thing clear right now.

"You wanted to talk?" He shoved his hands in his pockets as he stood in the doorway.

"To pick up where we left earlier, yes." Brooke placed her hand on her hip right before sitting down on her bed.

"What about?" He asked never leaving from where he stood. He wasn't ready to have this conversation, but yet he wanted to get it over with.

"About us." She locked eyes with him and he nodded. They both stood in an uncomfortable silence both of them wondering which one of them should speak first. They were both gathering their feelings together, both unsure of what the other wanted.

"Lucas I've had a lot of time to think about this and yet I still don't know what I want. A part of me is ready to move on and the other," She paused to meet his eyes, "The other still thinks that I need you."

Lucas looked down at the floor deciding whether to speak or to let her finish. He looked into her eyes, those brown pools of regret. Unlike with Peyton, he could never read her eyes. As strange as it sounded, Brooke was always so guarded lately. He couldn't tell what she was thinking… there was no connection. There never was.

"Aren't you going to say something?" Tears began to fill her eyes as Lucas finally moved from the doorway, closed the door, and went to sit next to her on the bed.

_I want to love you but I don't know if I can  
I know something is broken _

_And I'm trying to fix it…_

"I… Brooke, this summer was just like a reminder of the person I was. The person that I _need_ to be and you know I've made a lot of mistakes this past year and I'm trying to fix them. With everyone so close to me gone, I got a chance to rediscover who I am—"

"You and Peyton… you spent the whole summer together." He closed his eyes and listened to the sadness in her voice, a sadness that he caused.

"We did… and we're friends again. It took some time, but none of that matters anymore. I'm trying to right what I did wrong. All of those mistakes—"

"Before I left… you told me—" She cut him off again as she tried desperately to fight back tears, "You told me you loved me."

Among Lucas' many regrets it was that very one that he wished he could take back immediately. He didn't think before he spoke, that was his problem.

"Brooke—"

"And now you don't mean it." Her voice full of emotion as she looked down at the floor and wiped under her eyes.

Lucas shook his head sadly and tried his best to comfort her.

"I'm sorry." He said softly as he placed a hand on her shoulder. This was all eating him up alive… he just had to come to terms that he couldn't fix everything.

"It's okay," She finally looked up at him and gave him a weak smile, "I understand… I'm pretty sure I'm over you anyway."

"Brooke." He brung her into a hug, maybe months ago hearing that she probably wanted a chance with him would've made him happy, but now there was someone else. Well she wasn't really someone else… she was the one he had really wanted for so long. The one that let him in and pushed him away all in the same instant. Peyton, she was the one.

"I guess I was just holding on for too long." She laughed a little as she held onto him. He smiled a little, hoping that the lightness after their conversation would mean that they were still able to remain friends.

Peyton was ready… she was going to do this now. She took a deep breath and turned the knob to the door that led into Brooke's room… formally Lucas'. She was surprised that it was open.

_Trying to repair it any way I can_

"Lucas, I—" She paused as she saw the sight in front of her. They were hugging and they both looked happy. How could she be so stupid? How could she believe that she actually had a chance with him? In that instant the mix tape that he had been gripping so tightly dropped to the ground as she brung her hand to her mouth.

Lucas and Brooke immediately broke out of their comfort hug and turned to see a clearly emotional Peyton standing in the doorway, the mix tape still intact on the ground.

"I'm sorry, I interrupted—" She paused trying to hold herself together as she looked at Brooke then back at Lucas again.

"Peyton—" Lucas whispered, desperation and need in his voice as he saw the pain in her eyes.

"I'll just go… I'm sorry." Without another word Peyton ran back home… she was too late. He didn't wait for her; she had been wrong, so terribly wrong.

* * *

X&Y… usually seems like a somewhat happy song, with the "you and me are floating on a tidal wave… together," but the beginning seemed more depressing, so I just went for it. Tragic huh? Every story has its drama, right? I'm sorry you guys, but it'll get better… hopefully. So Peyton misinterpreted what was going on between Brooke and Lucas, atleast you all know how Lucas feels now. It's all just a matter of time, right? Lucas is just going to have to work harder than ever to get Peyton to let him in again, or will tragedy bring them together? Thank you guys for the lovely reviews, I'm glad you all liked it! Next up is… _What If_. 


	5. What If

_What if there was no light  
Nothing wrong nothing right  
What if there was no time  
And no reason or rhyme  
What if you should decide  
That you don't want me there by your side  
That you don't want me there in your life_

What If-Coldplay

Lucas' mind was spinning. He couldn't really process all that had happened in the last few minutes, he just knew that it wasn't good… it wasn't good at all. He slowly got up from the bed and went to go pick up the CD that had fell to the floor. The glass frame was slightly cracked, but he could still read what it said, "For being there". He sighed as he clutched the CD tightly in his hand. He was still crouched down on the floor when he looked up at Brooke, who seemed to be staring at the open door in confusion.

"What just happened?" She asked. So many things were going through her head right now. Not only did she clear things up with Lucas in a rather upsetting and relieving way, her best friend had just came in and left almost in tears in the same instant. What was going on?

Lucas stood up from the ground and averted his eyes from Brooke to the open door. Peyton… she must've misunderstood what was going on. All he had to do was tell her what really happened and things would be fine, but what if she wouldn't listen? It seemed his past with her would always catch up with him. She would probably think that he was lying, that he was back with Brooke, and that he wanted a replay of the whole cheating thing to happen again. He just knew her too well.

_What if I got it wrong  
And no poem or song  
Could put right what I got wrong  
Or make you feel I belong_

Peyton ran. She ran as fast as her legs would take her and only made it three blocks down. After what she had saw at Lucas' house, her legs felt like jelly. Why did this always have to happen to her? Whenever she was ready to pour her heart out to Lucas something would get in her way. She knew she shouldn't have taken that chance, but she did it anyway and now it was too late to take it all back. How could she face him again? How could she face Brooke again? Everything was going completely wrong. Maybe she could take it back, or was it already too late to lie? He didn't know what she came there for, but she was sure the look on her face said it all. It was too late to undo anything.

_What if you should decide  
That you don't want me there by your side  
That you don't want me there in your life…_

"I should go after her." Brooke offered, clearing the moment of uncomfortable silence that was now between them.

"No," Lucas said a little too quickly, "I'll do it."

Brooke looked at Lucas and suddenly saw how hurt and confused he looked. This was probably all her fault—was he hurt because of Peyton? Why didn't she see it before? The glances in the hall, the lunch periods they had been spending together, the looks he was giving her at practice, and now the hurt look on both of their faces. Lucas wanted to be with Peyton and she was sure after all that had just happened Peyton wanted to be with Lucas, too and again she messed it all up. She could see it now… honestly she could always see it. They shared a connection; they shared something way deeper than she and Lucas had ever shared, if they had shared anything at all. She finally knew where his heart was and she couldn't say she was angry. She wasn't completely happy with the idea, but she knew in time that she would be. She just had to move on.

Brooke nodded and watched as Lucas prepared to walk out of the door, mix tape in hand.

"She's the one you want, isn't she?" She finally brung herself to ask and watched as Lucas gave her a sheepish smile and nodded.

"Then go for it." She whispered as he finally walked out of the door and symbolically out of her hold. She wasn't going to be that girl anymore and for the first time in a while, she was genuinely proud of herself.

_Every step that you take  
Could be your biggest mistake  
It could bend or it could break  
That's the risk that you take…_

He walked out of the door and let the cold air embrace him; he should've brought a jacket or something. Where would he start to go look for her? At her house, the beach, or just a few blocks down? He squinted in that direction and saw her walking back towards her house. Luckily for his sake Peyton wasn't a very fast runner. He quickened his pace trying his best to catch up with her and not forget what he was going to say. Wait, what was he going to say? He had no idea… maybe this was a bad idea. He should just turn around now and go back home, maybe that was all she came by for, to give him the mix tape and then go. What if he was wrong about everything? About how he felt, about how she felt, about everything.

"Peyton!" He called out to her as soon as he got closer to her, but she wouldn't stop.

"Peyton!"

Peyton closed her eyes and stopped on his second call… why did he have to follow her, why? She wiped under her eyes and let out a sigh. Couldn't she just go home and wallow in her sadness… she didn't need him to make everything worse, to make her feel worse. She turned around and waited as he came closer to her. She was already regretting this.

She stood with her hands at her side, with a defeated look on her face. She was trying so hard to keep her composure and to not break down in front of him. That was always the last thing she had wanted to do in front of him, but it was usually the first thing to happen. He had a way of making her not only take down her walls, but appreciate who she was without them.

There he was finally standing in front of her, on a cold, deserted block, under a streetlight. What was he doing there? He looked in her eyes and could immediately see she had been crying. He was sure that it was his entire fault. It always was.

"What do you want Lucas?" She asked coldly, not even bothering to put up a façade about how happy she was, because she wasn't.

"To talk." He hated seeing her like this and knowing he was the cause of it all made him feel worse.

"We can't," She shook her head.

"Peyton what you saw in there—"

"Was none of my business, okay?" She tried to convince him and herself, her voice breaking in the process. She didn't want to let herself fall in front of him, she couldn't.

"Peyt." He tried pleading with her, but she wouldn't listen.

"Don't. Lucas you don't have to explain to me what was going on in there. I saw it with my own eyes and it's none of my business anyway. You've got everything you ever wanted now. You don't need me to bring you down." She felt the tears well up in her eyes. This couldn't happen now. How could she be so stupid? To let herself believe that she actually had a chance with him.

"You're wrong. I do need you, Peyt. I always have." He locked eyes with hers as the streetlight above them cast an eerie glow around her—around the both of them. He wanted nothing more than to tell her how he felt about her, but he never did. He had always been so afraid, but now none of that seemed to matter.

She wanted to believe what he said, she wanted desperately to do so, but she couldn't. Why did he always do this to her? Corner her into letting herself fall, into letting herself trust him. He didn't need her, he never needed her, and he had Brooke now. Brooke was what he wanted, atleast that's what she was making herself believe. She couldn't help but gaze desperately into his blue eyes, she wanted nothing more than to push him away, but she couldn't.

"I—I can't." She whispered and watched as he shook his head.

"I just want to talk to you Peyton. What—what was that in there?"

What could she tell him? Should she lie to him or tell him the truth? She didn't know what to do. If she lied to him, told him she didn't care about him and just continued to run her life would be filled with what ifs. But if she told him the truth he would tear her down, tell her he's with Brooke, and that she was nothing more than a friend. It was still a lose/lose situation.

She looked down at the sidewalk and then met his eyes with her tear filled ones, "It was nothing, Luke." She threw in a soft laugh and let her façade begin. She figured none of this was worth losing their friendship.

"Peyton." He pleaded with her; all he wanted her to do was open up to him.

"Just leave it alone. You can go back home to Brooke I'll be fine. I just—I just wanted…" She trailed off not sure what to say.

"What? You wanted to what?" He asked, hoping that she would come through and say what she was feeling.

She hesitantly grabbed his hand and received a somewhat shocked look from Lucas. He didn't know what she was doing; maybe this was his chance to tell her how he felt? He hoped it was, but instead she let her hand trail down to his fingertips and slowly took the CD out of his grasp. He let out a defeated sigh, realizing that was the reason behind it all.

"I wanted to give you this," She held the CD tightly in her hand before giving it back to him, "It's a mix, you know… to say thank you."

He held onto the mix tape and stuffed it in his pocket this was all a mistake. He should've just stayed where he was.

"That was all?" He whispered his eyes pleading with her own as if it were some sort of signal for her to open up.

She closed her eyes slowly. She could tell he was reading her—he probably saw right through it all and she really couldn't take it anymore.

"Why are you doing this Lucas?" Peyton whispered, opening her eyes again as her voice began to break.

"Doing what?" He was completely oblivious as to why her voice was breaking and her eyes were welling up with tears, as far as he knew she was the one pushing him away.

"_This_. Lucas we can't keep doing this." And still he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Doing what?" He repeated, his voice rising a little. He still didn't completely understand what she meant.

"Lying! You can't please everyone, Lucas. Why couldn't you just tell me before?" She raised her voice right back at him. None of the words that were coming out of her mouth seemed to make sense at all. She was just so angry. She wasn't angry with Lucas or Brooke, she was angry with herself.

"Tell you what?" He spoke as he tried to control his voice level. He was tired of her speaking in circles. She was doing it again. Her eyes were telling him one thing and her words were telling him the complete opposite.

"That you wanted to be Brooke." She shut her eyes as she felt a lone tear slide down her cheek.

"Peyton, I don't want—"

"You don't have to lie to me Lucas. Don't you think you atleast owe me that much not to lie to me?" Soon more tears were sliding down her face as she continued to look up at him. She hated crying and most of all she hated crying over this.

He didn't like seeing her cry and knowing that he was the cause of it made him feel worse. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and tell her how he felt, but he was afraid that she would resist.

"I'm not lying to you." He practically murmured, but she heard him loud and clear.

"What?" She practically forced herself to say. She didn't think she was ready to hear the next few words come out of his mouth. She stood there frozen as he suddenly came closer to her, closing the gap there was between them, but still giving them both enough space. What was he doing?

"I don't want to be with Brooke—" He tried to finish what he was going to say, but she cut him off once again.

Peyton immediately became angry at the start of Lucas' sentence. What was he trying do?

"If you're going to tell me that you're leading her on, Lucas—"

"I'm not! Peyton would just listen to me?" He was getting frustrated with her assumptions.

She nodded feebly and finally let him continue.

"Brooke and I—we're not together, okay?" He intently watched her, trying to see some sort of emotion on her face, but it just stayed cold.

"You're not?" She asked, hope lingering in her voice as she looked up at him with big eyes.

"No." He said softly as he looked down at her, offering a small smile. She let herself become lost in his blue eyes for a few moments, before returning back to reality… what was she doing?

"Look I'm sorry, Lucas, for bringing you out here this late. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions—you know I don't even know what this was all about." She let out a nervous laugh and turned away from his gaze. She was cracking under pressure, fearing what would happen next if she admitted her true feelings.

What was she doing? Maybe this was his chance to tell her how he felt. Of course he didn't know how she actually felt, but taking a chance sounded better than being left with what ifs.

"You don't have to apologize—"

"No," She cut him off and met his gaze again, "I do. I hope this doesn't mess anything up. We're friends, right?"

The courage that once filled the both of them had suddenly left with the coming of her words. Friends. Was that all they wanted to be?

Lucas tried his best not to let his small smile falter in front of her. When did they become so guarded, so lost?

"Yeah. Friends." His chance was lost.

Peyton hurried upstairs, sneaking past Haley's room, and went into her room. She closed the door softly, careful not to wake Haley, and collapsed on bed.

_What if you should decide  
That you don't want me there by your side  
That you don't want me there in your life…_

About three hours later she was still up, asking herself the same questions over and over again. How could she be so stupid? What was wrong with her? This night had been a total disaster. She had plenty of chances to tell Lucas how she felt, for a moment when they were standing under that streetlight she could've sworn he felt the same way she did, but that was before she told him they were just friends. Usually she was the blunt one, not afraid to show her feelings, hell she let probably hundreds of people watch her on her web cam on a day-to-day basis anyway and yet whenever she had a chance to tell Lucas how she felt something would hold her back. She was holding her own self back for a reason she didn't know. It was just… when it came to Lucas it was different, he wasn't like anyone she had ever met. He made her _feel_… and that scared her. It scared her so much that it made her push him away.

Peyton turned around and reached under her pillow where her sketchbook was. She grabbed it, opened it, grabbed an art pencil from her desk, and started sketching. She closed her eyes and envisioned what just happened between she and Lucas just hours ago. She could still remember everything so clearly. The way the light shown over both of them, the way the cold air whipped around her, and the way he looked at her… she remembered everything.

"_Lucas… I should go. It's getting late and…" She trailed off, not wanting to remain in this conversation any longer._

"_Yeah. I understand, I should get going, too." He nodded sadly at her before speaking. Why did everything have to be so complicated?_

"_Okay." She said softly as she began to turn around until she felt him grab her arm._

"_Peyton?" She hesitantly looked down at his light grasp on her arm and back up at him… what was he doing?_

"_Yeah?"_

"_I…" Lucas stalled not sure if he could do this now. He stared at her questioning expression for a while before finally letting her go._

"_Just forget it." He whispered, sighing sadly. None of this was worth ruining their friendship was it?_

_She nodded and began walking again._

"_I'll be seeing you, Peyton." He whispered more so to himself than to her._

"_Goodbye Lucas." She whispered to herself. This was all her fault._

About ten minutes later she finished her sketch of she and Lucas. The streetlight in place casting a shadow above herself, leaving Lucas in the dark watching her walk away, with the words "What If" on the top. She closed her sketchbook and placed it on her nightstand next to her bed and preceded to lie down on her bed, only she wasn't tired. She didn't think she would get any sleep for the rest of the night. She had too much to think about. What if she could never right what she had done wrong with Lucas? What if all he ever wanted from her was actually friendship? Everything was practically eating her alive. Frustrated, Peyton rose up from her bed and walked over to her closet. She grabbed a sweater that was hanging on the doorknob and headed out the door. Maybe a visit to the beach would do her some good.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. That was exactly what he was. He should've told her how he felt when he had the chance, but did he? No. He wanted to save their friendship… before that sounded like a perfectly logical idea and now… now it just sounded stupid. He laid on the couch just staring at the ceiling in the dark. He closed his eyes and remembered when he and Peyton used to lie on his bed in his room and just stare up at the ceiling… back when everything was simple.

"_Why do we do this almost everyday?" She asked, keeping her gaze fixed on the ceiling. It was only the second week of summer and here they were on a Friday afternoon lying on his bed with nothing better to do, but stare up at the ceiling. They were young, out of their little circle of friends they were the only ones left in Tree Hill, they had a whole town to roam, but instead here they were doing absolutely nothing. The strange thing about it was, both of them felt content with doing so._

"_I don't know." He answered simply. For everyday they spent doing this, she would ask this very question and he would give her the same answer._

"_That's your answer?" She asked finally turning to face him and at the very moment he turned to do the same thing._

_His lips curved into a smug smile, "Isn't it always?"_

"_You suck." She scoffed obviously not enjoying his mockery._

"_Okay… okay… we do the same thing everyday because there's air conditioning." He came up with a lame excuse, which earned him a light slap on the arm from Peyton._

"_What was that for?" He glared at her._

"_For being a moron." She joked as he rolled his eyes at her answer. They stayed silent for a few moments again until Peyton spoke up._

"_Seriously Luke. We should be outside somewhere. You know like at the beach, or the movies, or going on a road trip or something." She watched his eyes light up at the mention of a road trip and almost regretted that she had mentioned it._

"_A road trip?" He arched his brow as he sat up on his bed._

_She sat up with him; "Now Luke I didn't mean it like that… it was just an idea."_

"_I like the sound of that." He whispered referring to the road trip._

"_Lucas c'mon, it was just a suggestion. I didn't actually mean that." She looked over at him and could already see the wheels turning inside his head… he was coming up with a plan, one that she was almost afraid to be apart of._

"_We should go." _

"_It was a dumb idea… let's just stay here or go see a movie or something." She tried to suggest something else, but Lucas was already fixed upon the idea of a road trip._

"_Yeah right. C'mon Peyt, you said it yourself we're basically all alone in Tree Hill. Why should we stay here? Our parents aren't here so there's no one to catch us, we're practically free and it's practically the weekend." He tried to convince her. As much as she hated to admit it, he had a point, actually he many points. _

"_What's with the sudden burst of enthusiasm? For the past two weeks I had to practically force you to get out of your room." _

"_Don't make me beg." He gave his best pout._

"_Lucas!" She groaned, "Don't look at me like that." She hated when he did that, whenever he gave her that look she would just break and give in to practically whatever he wanted._

"_Please Peyt, please." He pleaded repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore._

"_Okay, fine! Suppose I agree to this road trip… where would we go?" She watched as he suddenly paused to think. She finally had him cornered._

"_Charleston."

* * *

And that was exactly where they went… to Charleston. The drive would've been about 45 minutes if Peyton would've listened to his directions, but she didn't and they got lost. About an hour later they finally reached their destination and just basically drove around. The only time they actually made a stop was to go stock up on junk food at the local 7-Eleven there. There was no point to the sudden road trip, but they needed something to take their mind off of things. They had fun, they always had fun with each other over the summer, but now things were different. Things were complicated, feelings were involved, and other people were involved it was all just a big mess. If Lucas had a chance to do anything differently he would've told her how he felt a long time ago and maybe, just maybe things would be different. Who was he kidding? He wasn't going to be getting any sleep anytime soon. He was suffering from insomnia._

_How can you know it when you don't even try?_

Lucas rose up from the couch and walked softly down the hall. He peaked into his mother's room to see if she was asleep, but she wasn't there. She must've been with Andy and that meant he wouldn't get caught going out. He wasn't going to risk checking into Brooke's room, it wasn't worth it. She wouldn't get him in trouble. He turned around and walked down the hall again, this time heading towards the door. Maybe a walk on the beach would clear his thoughts.

And that's the end of _What If_. Peyton and Lucas are just a bunch of stubborn people aren't they? I guess you could see where they're going to end up in the next chapter anyway… once again thanks for the great reviews they mean a lot. So… next up is _Low_.


	6. Low

_All you ever wanted was love  
__But you never looked hard enough  
__Its never gonna give itself up…  
_Low-Coldplay

He walked solemnly to the beach, well more like strolled, his mind full of thoughts. He yawned several times during his walk, his mind telling him to go back home and get some sleep, but his feet were telling him otherwise. So there he was, finally he was walking on the beach, looking for a spot to sit and listen to the waves crash along the shore. Ever since that day he had found Peyton there at the start of summer, the sound of the waves crashing along the shore calmed him. It was like the only place where he could find peace. He walked along the sand some more still trying to find the right spot until something, or someone caught his eye. He squinted a little and finally noticed who it was.

She sat there alone listening to the waves crashing she loved it here. Besides art, this was like her only escape. It was a clear, open, and peaceful place where she didn't have to worry about anything. She used to love the beach as a little kid. She, her mother, and father used to go all the time during the summer. Her mother and father would be lying under an umbrella talking while she would be in her own respective spot making sand castles. She missed those days. After her mother passed her father never wanted to go to the beach anymore, it must've hurt too much. It was amazing how she, herself, could still come here and find peace. She guessed it was because she had nothing but fond memories here.

"Hey." He whispered softly as she jumped and looked up at him.

What was he doing here? He was probably there for the same reason she was, to find some peace of mind. They had came here countless times during the summer at night to talk and it seemed like tonight would be no different.

"Hey." She finally responded patting the sand next to her inviting him to sit.

He took a seat next to her, "I think we're starting to know each other a little too well."

She looked his way and laughed, "You think so?"

"Yeah." He laughed a little with her. It was so strange how they could do these things. They were uncomfortable or angry at each other one minute and then the next they were talking and laughing as if nothing ever happened. Maybe they did it so their friendship wouldn't be ruined or maybe they did it to avoid ever really talking about things.

Their laughter finally resided and was replaced with silence. They both stared out into the ocean peacefully no words were needed.

"Listen Lucas," She turned to face him, "I'm sorry about earlier. It was stupid—I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions—"

"You don't have to apologize." He turned and locked eyes with hers, but she shook her head. She looked more together than she did earlier.

"Yes I do. It's just—you know as stupid as this sounds, I'm not used to sharing you. We spent a whole summer together, just the two of us, and then when I saw you and Brooke—I guess I just freaked out and I'm sorry." What she was saying was the truth, well most of it.

"You don't have to feel that way. Brooke and I are just friends and I'm sure it's always going to be like that. I don't—feel the same way about her. Actually, I don't think I really ever did in the first place. This summer gave me a chance to clear my head and think… realize the one thing that I really wanted." He hinted towards her, hoping she would get his point. She was what he wanted and he was going to tell her. He didn't know if he could wait any longer.

His last sentence was starting to scare her… what did he mean by that? He was probably just talking about getting his old life back, becoming the person he used to be. Over the summer she had witnessed a change in Lucas. She saw how hard he had been working to become the person he used to be and although he had claim to lose that person completely she believed that he was always the same Lucas. Sure, he had made some horrible decisions, but everyone made mistakes.

"I'm almost afraid to ask what that is." She looked at him shyly before turning her gaze from him back out to the ocean.

"I've been wanting to say this for a while, you know? It's just never really been the right time… or maybe it's always been the right time, but I was just too scared."

She looked at him and nodded, she knew how the felt.

"Peyt, I know this may seem sudden and I know it's late and we should both be at home sleeping or getting ready for school or something, but I don't think this can wait any longer." He was stalling again; he just never knew the right words to say. She had told him once that it wasn't what he said it was what he did, but this time he didn't know how to do either.

"What are you saying Lucas?" She finally got out, something told her that she wasn't prepared for whatever he had to say.

His blue eyes met with her now almond shape hazel eyes and tried to read her. It was now or never.

"I'm trying to say that—" The ring tone from his cell phone suddenly went off, breaking whatever was between them as well as his words. He dug into his pocket, silently cursing as he pulled it out. He looked at the caller ID and it read as private. Who would be calling him at this time of night—well morning?

"Hello?" He spoke obviously frustrated.

"Am I speaking to a Mr. Lucas Scott?" A woman's voice asked, what was going on?

"Yes… this is he." He turned away from Peyton and listened to the woman's words. He couldn't believe the words that had come out of her mouth. Everything was happening so fast.

"Y—yeah, I'll be there." He stammered through his sentence and hurriedly put his phone back into his pocket.

Peyton watched as Lucas' mood suddenly changed. His face was becoming pale and his blue eyes held no emotion what so ever. She was almost afraid to ask what happened.

"Lucas," She paused and placed a hand on his back, "What's wrong?"

He turned to face her and tried to speak, but everything he thought of just didn't sound right.

"I need to go to the hospital."

"Okay… I can drive you there, but why? Is this about your heart? Lucas are you okay?" Peyton's eyes widened with fear as she heard his next words. She couldn't believe it.

"Dan—he's dead."

* * *

_You see the world in black and white  
Not painted right  
You see no meaning to your life  
You should try  
You should try…_

The ride to the hospital was short and silent. She didn't want to ask any questions because she knew how it felt to lose a parent and when her mom died she hated when people asked her if she was okay or not. She hated the questions; she just wanted to be left alone. Even though Lucas barely knew Dan, she knew he would still feel the same way so she stayed silent. They arrived at the hospital, went towards the lobby and saw a grieving Deb, a somewhat somber Nathan, and Karen who was pacing back and forth. Peyton turned to Lucas and watched as he immediately stopped walking. There was an indescribable emotion on his face, but it looked more like fear. Her heart ached for him.

She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, as a way of telling him it'll be okay. He looked down at her and gave her a small smile he looked so lost. She stepped back and watched as he walked over towards his mom and the rest of the family. She watched them all comfort each other except for Nathan who stood away from the rest of them. She knew they weren't on good terms, but she didn't expect Nathan to be this cold.

"Lucas! Where were you? I tried calling the house, but no one picked up. I even came by to get you, but you weren't there." Came from a worried Karen. She was obviously shaken up by everything.

Lucas didn't know what to say. If he told her that he left the house to go for a walk he was sure he would be in trouble.

"Lucas called me after the hospital called him and I drove him here." Peyton spoke up and suddenly all eyes were on her. They probably didn't notice she was there. She didn't want Lucas to get in trouble so she covered for him. It was the least she could do.

"Oh… okay. Thank you so much, Peyton." Karen looked towards her way and then back to Lucas.

"It's no problem, really. I—I'm just sorry about your loss." At her last words they all nodded and turned back to whatever they were doing.

Watching them all together made her feel sort of out of place, like she shouldn't be there. She hated being in hospitals. As far as she knew the brung nothing, but pain, pain that she couldn't handle. She walked down the hall and stood in a vacant corner and took out her cell phone. She had to call someone.

"Hello." Came the sleepy voice of Haley.

"Hey Haley, it's me."

"Peyton? Wait… you're not in your room?" She yawned.

"No. I'm at the hospital—"

"The hospital," Suddenly Haley was wide-awake, "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but listen Dan… he died." She chocked out. Even for Peyton who barely knew Dan at all it felt weird saying that. All of the pain he had inflicted on people's lives and the games that he had played were over. It was like an end of an era or something.

"What?" Haley whispered obviously shocked.

"Yeah… I'm at the hospital right now. I need you to go get Brooke if you can and come straight here. Nathan might need you." She waited for Haley to respond, but she didn't. All she heard was silence.

"Peyton, I don't know—Nathan doesn't want me there." Haley said sadly.

Peyton sighed as she heard the sadness in her voice, she didn't like seeing her friend like this.

"Then do it for Lucas. He needs you, too." Peyton tried her best to get through to her and with luck it worked.

"Okay… I'll try to be there in a half hour." She reasoned.

"Thank you Hales." She whispered as she ended the call and went back to the hospital lobby.

It was then when she saw Deb talking to the doctor, most likely telling her the cause of his death and other information. Everything was so surreal. She stood in her respective spot, still not sure what to do, where to go, or what to say, so she just watched. She watched because she knew that there was really nothing that you could do.

"If you would like to see him, you know to say your goodbyes I can take you to where he is." The doctor offered as Deb feebly nodded.

"Okay… Karen, Nathan and Lucas would you like to come?" Peyton immediately turned to Lucas and watched for his reaction and still there was nothing. He was emotionless.

Lucas made his move to get up from the chair when Nathan started to yell.

"Why should he come? He never liked dad and if I remember correctly he was the one that drove him to this." Nathan accused and the rest could only watch.

"Nathan don't be like this—" Deb pleaded, but he wouldn't listen.

"You just had to push him right, Lucas? Get close to him; make him think that you actually wanted to be apart of his life just to bring him down?" Nathan was angry. He was just _so_ angry lately and he didn't know why. The truth was he wasn't even that upset about his father's death. He was a horrible man, but there was a time when he was much younger that he felt his father actually cared about him and despite his resentment towards him that was all he could think about.

"It wasn't like that Nathan." Lucas said rather calmly. He wasn't up for a fight, not right now. Of course he didn't like hearing what Nathan said, but apart of him knew that it was probably true. He did push Dan… maybe this was his entire fault.

"The hell it wasn't," Nathan sneered, not listening to his mother's pleas to stop.

Nathan stepped closer to Lucas so he was face to face with him, "You don't belong here. You never did."

"I will not have you talk to my son like that!" Karen stood up from her chair and now it was her turn to reprimand Nathan.

"Whatever." He did nothing but back away from Lucas and did nothing to hide the smirk on his face.

"What has gotten in to you?" Deb asked once he retreated back to where she was.

"Why don't you ask him?" He said simply, nodding his head over in Lucas' direction and soon all eyes were on Lucas waiting for some kind of explanation of this all. It was an answer that he didn't have and one that he did not want to give.

"I can't do this." Lucas whispered and without another word he walked out of the lobby.

"Lucas wait!" Karen shouted after him, but he was already gone.

Peyton looked towards the way Lucas had went… maybe she could catch up to him.

"I'll go after him." She offered, not waiting for the go ahead, and just took off.

* * *

_And all you ever wanted was love  
but you never looked hard enough  
it's never gonna give itself up…_

"I'd figure you'd be out here." She took a seat next to him on the bench that was outside of the hospital and embraced the cold air.

"It didn't feel right to be in there." He spoke, not once looking at her.

"I know you probably want to be alone right now, because I know I did when my mom died, but—I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you." She offered her sympathy, trying to get through to him, but she wasn't sure if it was working.

"I just wish I could feel something." He finally looked over at her.

"What do you mean?" She asked softly.

"I mean I don't feel _anything_. Not sadness, anger, or regret… I just don't feel anything. I don't know what to feel." He was beginning to open up to her. She seemed like the only person that he could talk to, she was possibly the only person who knew what he was going through.

"It's okay to feel this way Lucas. It just happened, you have to give it time to sink in." He nodded and then turned his gaze away from her. Never had she seen his blue eyes look so cold and lost. It was scary.

"I've never told anybody this, but when I first found out that my mom died I wasn't even sad. I was just angry. I felt like she let me down, you know? It wasn't until a couple days after when I went into my mom and dad's room and realized that she wasn't coming back. I went back in my room and stared at her picture and then it hit me. I cried everyday for a whole year, it was like the littlest thing reminded me of her and then I would just cry." She admitted. She didn't like talking about her mother's death. Even now talking about it made her feel worse. Not because she was sad, but because of the whole Elizabeth thing. Her life was becoming so screwed up.

"Peyton I'm sorry. I didn't even think—" He had almost forgotten about her own problems. He had been so wrapped up in his own. He was being insensitive.

"It's okay, really," She assured him, trying her best not to cry, "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Right now you have to worry about yourself, Luke. You're not alone in this."

Without another word Lucas leaned over and wrapped his arms around Peyton. She was shocked by his movement, but hugged him back anyway. She hung on to him tightly, and rested her head on his shoulder. In more ways than one, she needed this hug.

He held onto her just as tight as she held onto him, this was the only thing keeping him sane, the only thing that felt right.

"Thank you, Peyton." He whispered as they still held onto each other.

"For what?" She asked wondering why he was thanking her.

"For everything."

* * *

When they finally went back into the hospital Deb, Karen, and Nathan were gone. They must've gone to go see Dan and Lucas was relieved. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Dan, but he just didn't think it was his place to be there. He had never felt so lost.

"You sure you don't want to go?" Peyton asked, referring to going to see Dan.

"Yeah." He assured her, but she wouldn't listen.

"You shouldn't let Nathan intimidate you. You have a right to be here… he was your father, too." And even though he wasn't a very good father to Lucas she kept it to herself. You weren't supposed to talk bad about the dead.

"I know, but I can't help thinking that everything he said was right."

She shook her head, "Nathan—he doesn't know what he's saying. He's just as hurt and lost as you are right now. He has trust issues and he'll get over it, but right now that doesn't give him a right to bitch at you. None of this is your fault Lucas." None of this was his fault. Dan had it coming to him… bad things just didn't last that long.

"Thanks for being here, Peyt." He looked over at her and gave her a half smile. He couldn't ask for a better person to be here with him. She was all he needed; she was his rock in his time of need. Looking at her right now it felt like he was seeing her for the first time. She was beautiful… her flaws made her beautiful. He admired her. With all of her problems and things she was going through she still had time to comfort others. He had never felt so much for someone. Was it love? As much as he didn't want that right now, it probably was. He didn't even know how she felt about him and he had already fallen for her. He didn't want to do that again, fall for someone who probably didn't feel the same way, but he couldn't help it. He needed Peyton; their summer together had made him realize that or perhaps he knew it all along.

She opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted.

"Lucas!" They both turned to see Haley and a tired Brooke rushing towards them.

"Hales… Brooke, what are you doing here?" Lucas rose up from his seat to hug Haley.

"Peyton called me," Lucas broke away from the hug and turned to look at Peyton, who just shrugged, "I'm so sorry Lucas." Haley offered her sympathy to her best friend.

"It's okay." He whispered, but Haley shook her head.

"No it isn't. How are you holding up?" Haley was trying to comfort her best friend, but she wasn't so sure if she could anymore. She missed Lucas she missed him a lot. They hadn't been as close as she wanted them to be lately and that was her fault and now in his time of need she didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to make him feel better and that scared her.

"I'm… okay." Lucas didn't really know what to say. He wasn't okay, he knew that, but he had to tell her that. He had to keep on telling himself that.

Haley took this moment to take in Lucas' appearance. He looked tired. This was probably a lot to handle.

"I'm going to go see if I could get some coffee for you or something… you look like you need it." She offered and Lucas nodded.

"Thank you."

"It's no problem," She then turned to Peyton, "Can you come with me?"

Without hesitation Peyton nodded. She knew how much Haley disliked hospital. She was almost sure that Haley disliked it as much as she did, herself. Besides, she didn't want to be alone with Brooke and Lucas because if she were she would probably be forced to talk about what happened earlier. Haley began to walk off and Peyton was about to follow until she saw Brooke hug Lucas. She couldn't tear her eyes off of them because it hurt. She knew that Lucas didn't have feelings for Brooke, but she wasn't sure how Brooke felt. She watched them pull away and begin to talk… what was her problem? Why was she so jealous? Lucas' father had just passed and here she was thinking about her own selfish feelings.

"Peyton are you coming?" Haley asked once she realized Peyton wasn't behind her and she had basically been talking to herself.

"Oh yeah… sorry." She finally tore her gaze from them and went to go follow Haley.

* * *

"So how'd you know?" Haley asked as they walked out of the cafeteria where they had gotten the coffee.

"I was with Lucas when he got the call." She admitted.

"So when you left earlier you told him how you felt?" Haley knew Peyton had left to tell him, but she didn't know what really happened.

"No."

"Peyton." Haley sighed, hoping that she didn't back out again.

"It wasn't my fault this time," She assured her, "I walked in at a bad time… I saw him and Brooke together and I just ran."

"Brooke and Lucas? You mean they're back together?" She couldn't believe it. She hoped it wasn't true. Lucas had told her about what happened between him and Brooke before she left for California, but she didn't think he still had feelings for her.

"No—I don't know. He told me that he doesn't feel the same way about her and that they're not together, but I still don't know how she feels." Peyton didn't want to get into every detail of what had happened last night. She really didn't even want to think about it.

"Lucas probably ended things off with Brooke the right way. When this is all over all you have to do is tell him how you feel, but right now all we can do is just be there for him." Peyton nodded. Haley was right. They had to push all their problems aside and just be there for both Lucas and Nathan.

"I know. I just wish he wasn't so reserved. Before you came Nathan had pretty much told Lucas he wasn't family. He was pretty angry."

"Imagine how he'll react when he notices I'm here." Haley whispered, feeling guilty all over again. She didn't like seeing Nathan so angry and hurt because a part of her knew it was all her fault. She broke him and now she couldn't fix him back up again.

"Haley, Lucas is your best friend. You have a right to be here, but as a friend I'm just asking you to try to talk to Nathan." Peyton and Haley both stopped when they saw Deb, Karen, and Nathan back in the lobby.

Haley averted her gaze from Peyton to Nathan. She missed him, she missed him so much, and looking at him just made her heartache.

Nathan turned his head almost instantly and locked eyes with his ex wife. He was speechless. He missed her and he knew that the decision for the annulment was mostly his decision, but it was the only way. It was time for them to move on.

"Come on," Peyton whispered as she gently nudged Haley in her side, which broke her out of her gaze. She watched disappointedly as Nathan snapped his head away and went back to talking to his mother. Why did things have to be so complicated?

Haley hesitantly followed Peyton to where everyone was and kept her gaze fixed on the floor. She didn't want to deal with Nathan, but most of all she didn't want to deal with Deb either. She knew Deb didn't like her and it would take every ounce of kindness Haley had to keep her cool.

"We've got coffee if anyone wants." Peyton announced as they all took a cup and thank yous were said.

Peyton took her seat in between Lucas and Haley and looked around the room. Everyone looked pretty much miserable. It was almost 5 am, so she was sure none of them were going to school or work for that matter in the morning. Everything just turned out to be a horrible turn of events.

"Well… the doctor said the cause of Dan's death was cardiac arrest. On top of that he was already being dosed heavily with medication because of the poison that was already in him so I guess it was a mix of things that made him give up. " Deb finally spoke up and then started to cry. She could barely finish her sentences without her voice breaking. They all sat there practically mortified, after months they still didn't find the person who was responsible for this all.

"It's okay mom." Nathan tried his best to comfort his mother and looked up briefly to glare at Lucas.

Lucas didn't understand it all. Dan Scott was a monster, he played with people's lives just for kicks, he made people miserable, and yet everyone in this room, including him, was sitting here grieving.

"We're making arrangements for the funeral now, so we hope to get it done by Tuesday." We all nodded and wondered how she would get everything done so fast. It was already Friday.

"If you need anything… I'm sure we can all help out with the funeral or something." Haley shockingly suggested. They all nodded although of all people everyone had expected Haley to be the last one to actually help out. She was generous, of course, but Deb wasn't exactly her favorite person.

Deb looked directly at Haley and nodded, "Thank you Haley. That—that would be very nice and helpful." Even Deb couldn't hide her shock, which was evidently heard in her voice.

"No problem." Haley knew it was strange of her to lend out a hand, but they were going through a rough time and she wouldn't hold that against anyone.

"Well I guess we can all go now. There's really nothing else to do." Deb announced as she and Nathan got up from the chairs as well as the rest of them. They said their goodbyes and gave condolences to the family and all went their separate ways without another word. The good die young was just a piss poor expression now.

_Don't you wanna see it come down  
Death is throwing your arms around  
Say it in a moment too soon  
__Cause I feel low…

* * *

_

And that's the end of this chapter. Yeah, so I killed Dan off. He wasn't really important in my fic anyway, but I felt like he needed to go. He was big enough to impact almost everyone's lives. To all you Nathan fans I know he was such a smug bastard in this chapter, but he was angry. I love Nathan and all, but I was sick of him being so nice. So yeah the tragedy that I said that would bring Lucas and Peyton together… this might be it or something else I have planned. It depends. I can say this many times and still feel the need to say it again, thank you for the reviews. They mean a lot. Next up I'm looking towards _Square One_.


	7. Square One

_Is there anybody out there who  
Is lost and hurt and lonely too  
They're bleeding all the colors into one  
And a few come undone  
As if you've been run through  
Some catapultit fired you  
You wonder if your chance will ever come  
Or if you're stuck in square one..._  
Square One-Coldplay

It was the day of the funeral and word had spread fast around the small town about Dan Scott's death. Haley stayed true to her word and had helped out with the funeral preparations as well as the others. The initial shock of his death seemed to ware off of everyone except one. Lucas was still acting the same way he was when he found out about Dan's death, empty. He held no emotion.

The funeral went by fast, it was a short service, and not too many people had showed up. Most of his former employees had showed up, but only out of respect. Keith, who had been basically out of contact, didn't even bother to show up. No one was even sure that he knew about his brother's death, or that he would even care. They all rode to the cemetery, watched him get buried, and paid their last respects. That had happened a few hours ago and yet they were still there. Deb and Nathan had gone home after the first hour, as well as the rest, but Lucas still stayed and Peyton was right there with him.

"Still seems unreal, huh?" She finally broke the silence as they stood in front of his headstone.

"Yeah." He said softly, not taking his gaze off the headstone.

Peyton was getting worried. They had been standing in this spot for hours and they hadn't moved. He told her to go back home like the others, but she couldn't leave him alone like that, she wouldn't leave him.

"Beloved husband and father," He read the inscription on the headstone, "Yeah right." He let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Are you okay?" Normally she didn't like asking this question, but she felt like she had to. He was starting to scare her. He had been like this ever since Friday, silent and reserved. She just couldn't get him to open up, no one could.

"You know I kept on telling myself when this day would finally come that I wouldn't care," He ignored her question, "That I wouldn't feel one ounce of sympathy for the man and now look at me."

She took a step closer to him; she had been standing behind him the whole time just to give him his space, but now she didn't think he needed any.

"Lucas it's okay to feel hurt." She placed a hand on his shoulder, which caused him to look back at her.

"But that's just it… I don't feel anything. I don't know what to feel, Peyton. I don't know whether to cry, laugh, or just scream. I don't know what I should do." He said his voice full of emotion. He was hurt and he was lost.

"Well do you want to talk about it?" She tried to reach out to him. He looked back at her and nodded.

"Okay." She said softly as they walked over to the small stone bench that was placed in between some of the other headstones.

"Do you miss him?" She asked once they sat down.

"No I don't." She closed her eyes briefly as she heard the regret in his voice. He must've felt guilty, so guilty, and he had no reason to feel that way.

"There's nothing wrong with that—"

"Yes there is. I was lying when I told you I didn't feel anything—I mean for a while I didn't… but it wasn't until today when I realized that I do feel something." He admitted.

"What do you feel?" She asked softly, trying her best not to pry the information out of him. She didn't want to make him talk; she needed him to want to talk.

He looked over at her, "I feel guilty."

"I know how that feels." She whispered.

"That's how you felt when your mother died?" He questioned and she nodded. He didn't mean to bring up her mother, but it was probably the only way they could share some common ground.

"She ran one red light and look what happened. Like I told you before, I run the all the time and nothing happens to me. It's not fair… it's not fair at all." She didn't know why, but at that moment she felt the need to cry, but she didn't. Maybe it was remembering what happened or just being at the cemetery.

"I'm sorry." She rested her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her.

"Don't worry about it." She whispered as she took comfort in his arms.

"I just can't help thinking that what Nathan said was right. I pushed him, Peyton. I moved into his house and I tried to bring him down. I made him think that I wanted him to be apart of my life and once he thought we were close I tried to bring him down. I was practically obsessed with it. Even when Nathan told me to back off, I gave him my word, and I still went after Dan. I brung Dan to this." The guilt was evident in his voice as he spoke.

"None of this is your fault, okay? Dan wasn't exactly a saint. He had hurt you, your mom, and others countless times so you had a reason to be upset with him. I admit it was wrong of you to keep on trying to bring him down like that, but at the time you did what you thought was right. You were just trying to protect the people you love Lucas. There's nothing wrong with that. Dan brought this on himself." She tried to put everything as nicely as she could. She really wanted to tell him that Dan Scott was a bastard who played with people's emotions and didn't deserve anyone's sympathy, but she didn't out of respect for the dead.

"You're right… it's just I wish things were different."

"Me too." She whispered thinking about something else.

"What?" He looked down at her in confusion.

She pulled out of his hold to look at him, "Nothing… it was nothing. So do you feel a little better now that you've talked about it?"

"A little," He paused and actually thought about her question, "Actually a lot. Thanks Peyton." He smiled at her.

"No problem, but if you ever want to talk you know that I'm here for you okay?"

He nodded, "You're a great friend Peyton." He stood up from the bench and held out his hand to her so she could get up. She accepted it and let go as soon as they started walking.

"You too, Luke, you too." She said more to herself than to him. Just a friend was what she had to be.

* * *

"Lucas! I was worried sick about you!" He closed the door behind him and walked into the kitchen where his mother was currently yelling at him.

"I'm sorry… Peyton and I just stayed at the cemetery a little longer." That was the truth. After they had finished their talk he went with her to go see her mother. She had been so strong today; she had been his rock for the past few days. He turned to look at the clock and saw that it was almost nine; maybe he was home a little late.

"Okay… well there's some leftovers from dinner in the microwave if you're hungry." Karen didn't really know what to say. She was afraid for her son. It was like Dan's death didn't even affect him.

"Okay."

"How are you holding up?" She asked hoping that Lucas wouldn't lie to her about how he was feeling.

"Better than before."

"You know when Deb called me and told me that Dan had passed I felt just like you did."

"You did?" Karen nodded.

"I did and that was because ever since I came back from New Zealand I kept on telling myself as soon as Dan got out of the hospital I would give him a piece of mind. I wanted to make him pay and then it just happened… he died." She admitted. After she found out what Dan had done to Andy and not to mention Keith, she truly despised him. It wasn't like she didn't before, because she did, but after that she had realized what a monster he really was. Of course now she felt guilty.

"I just don't get how practically everyone is going around grieving and saying what a good man he was because he wasn't."

Karen placed a hand on his shoulder, "Well that's what we have to do sometimes… you have to respect the dead."

He nodded, "You're right."

"Of course I am." She laughed a little.

Lucas' face broke into a small smile before he went into a daze. He was thinking about her again. Peyton just understood him so well; he didn't know how he would've come to gripes with Dan's death without her.

Karen noticed the look on her son's face and immediately knew what he was thinking about.

"You know you've been spending a lot of time with Peyton lately." She hinted and watched as he immediately snapped out of his daze.

"We spent the whole summer together and as a result of that we're better friends now." He tried to act like it was nothing.

"Uh huh," She turned to look at her son, "So there's absolutely nothing going on with you two?"

"We're just friends. You don't ask questions like this about Haley." He tried to throw her off, but he just couldn't outsmart her.

"Yeah you're right," She allowed, "But you don't look at Haley the way you look at Peyton."

"We're just friends." He defended himself as they both leaned on the counter.

"She's been going through a lot lately." Karen immediately thought about when Haley had told her about Peyton and the drugs. Peyton had been so lost last year.

"Yeah," He sighed, "I just wish I could help her more… I'm starting to think being there just isn't enough."

"You really care about her don't you?" She figured the only way to get any answer from him was to get straight to the point. She had seen the sadness in his eyes when she brung up Peyton's problems.

He stalled for a while, not sure of what to say. He didn't want to lie to his mother, but it wasn't like he wanted to tell her either.

"Yeah." He finally admitted.

"Did you tell her yet?" He shook his head.

"Why not?"

"I've tried. I've tried a lot, but something always got in the way, or it just wasn't the right time."

"Sounds like you're a little scared to me." She said knowingly and he nodded.

"I am."

Karen patted her son's shoulder and began to walk out of the kitchen, "Well you shouldn't be. I don't want to interfere in your love life, Lucas, but you should tell her. She needs all the love and support she can get." Those were her last words before she disappeared into her room. With everything that was happening telling Peyton how he felt was the last thing on his mind or maybe he just let himself believe that. The truth was that he was scared, but he couldn't go on like this anymore. He would tell her when the time was right.

* * *

Peyton slowly trudged up the stairs, she couldn't wait to get to her room, but she was so tired she could barely get up the stairs. Standing up with Lucas practically all day and not moving was starting to take a toll on her. She finally reached the top of the steps and looked towards Haley's room, there was nobody in there. She must've been in her room or something. Peyton was emotionally and physically drained. All she wanted to do was go to sleep. She finally reached her room and saw Haley looking through her CDs.

"Hey Hales." She said glumly as she wasted no time and threw herself on her bed.

Haley turned away from the CDs and looked at Peyton, who was currently lying face down on her bed.

"P Boogie! You're finally home. I was just looking for the CD that you borrowed from me a few days ago." Haley said cheerfully, obviously trying to cheer her friend up.

"Oh," Peyton finally sat up on her bed, "I'm sorry Lucas wanted to stay longer at the… what did you just call me?"

"P Boogie?"

"What?" Peyton laughed wondering why Haley called her that.

"Oh c'mon," Haley sat next to Peyton on the bed, "I needed a nickname for you. Brooke calls you P Sawyer, Lucas calls you Peyt, and you told me your dad used to call you chicken so I just figured I'd make one up."

"And that was all you could think of?" She laughed some more. She was suddenly feeling much better.

"Well yeah… c'mon don't laugh."

"I can't help it. It's a funny nickname." She continued to laugh and soon Haley was laughing along with her.

"So how's Lucas doing?" Haley asked once their laughter was over.

"He's better… atleast I hope he is. He told me he was, but you know how Lucas is."

She nodded, "Yeah. I just wish I could talk to him."

"You can talk to him, Hales. He needs his best friend at a time like this."

"I know, it's just I don't know what to say or what to do. If I go and talk to him I'm afraid that I'll say the wrong thing or something and then he'll just shut me out." She voiced her fears to Peyton. She didn't like not knowing what to do or say to her best friend, but that's just how she was. She was scared.

"Then just be there for him. He needs you." She reasoned with Haley and watched as she nodded.

"Good." Peyton moved so that she was now at the foot of the bed where Haley was.

"So you don't like it?" Haley turned to Peyton; she felt the need to change the subject.

"Like what?"

"The nickname."

"Well if it was all you could think of…" She trailed off and started to laugh until Haley hit her with a pillow.

"Shut up!" Haley laughed.

"Dude that hurt." She rubbed her arm as Haley continued to laugh at her.

Haley was about to speak when the doorbell started to ring.

"Who's that?" Peyton asked wondering why whoever was at the door was actually ringing the doorbell.

"Oh yeah, I ordered Chinese is that all right?" She got up from off the bed and headed towards the door.

"It's fine."

"Good… I'll bring it up here." And with that she went out the door.

Peyton smiled to herself, Haley was definitely getting the hang of living in the Sawyer household.

* * *

Lucas stood at his locker getting some books for his last three classes of the day. Two weeks had passed since the funeral and he had been feeling much better than he did before. Speaking to his mom, Peyton, and Haley about things really helped him.

"Hey!" He practically jumped as he felt someone grip his shoulders. He turned his head to see a strangely happy Peyton.

"You scared me." He sighed as she let go of him.

"I got you good didn't I?" She began to laugh a little. Just seeing a smile on her face made him happy as he felt a smile play upon his lips.

"Yeah," He admitted, "So what's with the good mood all of sudden?"

"Oh I don't know… hey guess what." He laughed at her being so overexcited. He hadn't seen her this happy in a long time.

"What?" He closed his locker.

"My dad's coming back in to town tomorrow." She said her voice was full of happiness. She missed her father so much. She hadn't seen or spoke to him in such a long time.

"Really? That's great." They started walking down the hall.

"Isn't it?" She beamed proudly.

"When was the last time you saw him?"

She paused to actually think about his question. She hadn't seen him in such a long time that she really didn't remember.

"Probably when you tried to beat him with a rake." She smirked remembering that moment.

"Ha ha," He said sarcastically, "I just thought he was a robber or something." He tried to defend himself.

"Hey guys," Haley came out from a classroom and began walking with them.

"Hey Hales." They both said.

"What's up P Boogie?" She asked noticing the happy look Peyton had on her face.

"What?" Lucas made a face, which made them both laugh.

"It's my nickname for her." Haley laughed as Lucas still held that look.

"Don't ask." Peyton laughed and he nodded.

"I'm almost afraid to."

"But seriously Luke, you should come by tomorrow after school or whatever. That's when he'll be at the house."

"Okay." Lucas nodded.

"Who?" Haley asked feeling left out. She didn't know Peyton was expecting company.

Peyton turned to Haley, "My dad's gonna be back in town tomorrow, he's going to be staying for about a week."

Haley nodded. That must've been why Peyton was in a good mood. She had never really met Peyton's father, but she knew how much Peyton cared about him. She just hoped that Larry Sawyer wouldn't be angry at her living with them now.

"That's great, but does he know that I'm—"

"Yeah, I told him a while ago in an email."

Haley nodded and started to feel better about the whole situation.

"This is my class so I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow… or later." Lucas stopped in front of the classroom and they both nodded.

"Great. I'm sure my dad will be glad to know that Rake boy's coming over." She called out and watched as Lucas went inside the classroom, shaking his head as he walked.

"Rake boy?" She asked.

"It's a long story."

* * *

"Hey," Lucas walked into Peyton's room, but not before knocking, "Haley told me you were up here so I just figured I'd see what you were up to." Lucas looked around and realized that Peyton was in there.

"Hey Luke!" He heard her shout, but yet he still didn't see her.

"Peyton?" He asked as he tried to get closer to where the sound of her voice was coming from.

"I'm in here!" He walked over to her closet where he found her reaching for something.

"What are you doing?" He leaned in the doorway.

"Trying to get this old record." She continued to reach for it, but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get to it.

"Let me help." Lucas walked over to where she was standing and grabbed the record with ease.

"Thanks." Lucas gave her the record, but not before quickly glancing at it.

"Didn't I give you this?"

She nodded as she finally walked out of her closet, "Yeah… awesome gift by the way."

"No problem." He followed her out of the closet and sat on her bed as she went to go play the record.

"See I'm on that 80s metal kick again, so I decided to listen to this." The record started to play as she sat next to him on her bed.

"I was almost afraid to come in here."

"Why?"

"I was afraid you would be listening to Celine Dion or something." He joked referring to when she was unexpectedly listening to Sheryl Crow.

"I just needed something to sketch to." She lied.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Peyton Sawyer would be listening to Sheryl Crow."

"Shut up," She laughed a little and rolled her eyes at him, "Sheryl Crow is awesome man."

"Right… so I don't mean to throw off your good mood, but when your father comes tomorrow are you going to ask him about the whole Elizabeth situation?"

The smile on her face immediately disappeared at the mention of Elizabeth.

"I don't know," She answered honestly, "I'm just so happy that I get to see my dad again, you know? As much as I want to know if she's telling the truth or not, I would rather just run from it."

"Peyton—"

"I know it's wrong, but what if it's true Luke? What if Elizabeth really is my mother? Finding out that my dad lied to me isn't exactly how I want to remember his visit."

"I know, but what if it isn't true? What if Elizabeth was just lying? You would want to know that wouldn't you?" He was trying to get through to her. He understood her fears of not bringing it up with her dad again, but asking him about it would be the only way to put her mind at ease with the whole thing.

"Yeah. Maybe I'll bring it up the day before he leaves so we could talk. I just—I just can't help but be scared about this, Luke. It's scary when there's a possibility that everything you knew about your life, everything that made you who you are, and everything you possibly lived by was practically a lie." She looked up at him, but there were no tears in her eyes like he expected there to be. She was hurt of course, but she wouldn't cry, she was refused to.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," She shook her head, "If anything I should be apologizing to you for burdening you with my problems."

"You're not a burden, Peyton and neither are your problems. I just want to help you, you know lighten the load a little."

She looked up at him again, offering a small smile, which he returned.

"I don't know what I would've done without you over the summer or even now, Luke."

This probably would've been the perfect time to tell her how he really felt about her, just to let her know that he would always be here for her, but instead he didn't say anything. He wondered if his chance to tell her would ever come.

This would've been the perfect time to tell him how she really felt about him, too. To tell him that she needed him and wanted there to be more than just friendship between them, but once again she opted for gratitude instead. Whenever they would get closer she would always do or say something to bring them a step back again. She didn't mean to, nor did she want to, but it would always just… happen.

"The feeling's mutual." He whispered. Suddenly she got off of the bed and gave him a soft pat on the back.

"I'm going to go downstairs and ask Haley if she wants to come hang with us, okay?" She headed towards the door, but not before turning to see if that was okay with him.

"Cool." And with that she went out the door.

* * *

There's not much to really say about this chapter… the only thing I really have to say is that the next chapter is an important one. You know, with Larry Sawyer coming back into town and Karen knowing how Lucas feels about Peyton, something could happen. It's been seven chapters and neither of them have told each other how they felt... maybe things are about to change. Thanks for the reviews and I'm so sorry it's been two weeks since I last updated, but I already have the next chapter ready so review and maybe I'll post it tomorrow or something. _Speed of Sound _is next.


	8. Speed of Sound

_How long before I get in?  
__Before it starts, before I begin?  
__How long before you decide?  
__Before I know what it feels like?  
__Where to, where do I go?  
__If you never try then you'll never know…  
_Speed of Sound-Coldplay

"Hey." Lucas said as he walked into Peyton's room and sat next to her on the bed, it was becoming the routine again.

"Hey." She didn't look up at him at all when he sat down she just continued to look down at what she was sketching.

"Death Cab?" He asked referring to what was currently blasting from her stereo.

"Yup. Death of An Interior Decorator." She responded, still not looking up at him.

"I like this song."

Noticing that she wasn't looking up at him or willing to respond to his attempts to start a conversation he picked up his bag, took out a book, and began to read.

After a few minutes, momentarily, she finally broke her concentration from her strip that she was trying to do for THUD to look up at him. She smiled to herself as she watched him. Whenever he would read something his brow would always crease and it seemed like all of his attention was on the book. He made the weirdest facial expressions when he read, which caused her to laugh.

He finally turned his attention from the book that he was reading to her as she continued to laugh at him.

"What's so funny?"

"You," She paused to laugh, "Are you aware of the faces you make when you read?"

"No." He wasn't aware that he made faces when he read; it wasn't like he read while looking at a mirror.

"Well you should be. You look like you just swallowed a lemon." She continued to laugh. She now believed fully that laughter was the best medicine. She had been feeling down all day ever since the phone call she got this morning.

"That's funny because that's how you look when you sing." He retorted and couldn't resist laughing at her shocked expression.

"Now you should see your face." It was his turn to laugh at her now as she held the expression.

"Shut up!" She finally broke, finally laughing a long with him.

"Hey c'mon, I may not be a Haley James, but I can carry a tune." She laughed it off, as did Lucas.

"Yeah, yeah." To be honest Lucas thought Peyton's singing voice wasn't that bad… actually she was pretty, better than she gave herself credit for.

"You know Jake called this morning." She said once their laughter was finally over.

"He did? How is he?" Jake was a subject that he knew Peyton didn't really like to talk about. He didn't know if Peyton still felt the same way about him, but for his sake he hoped she didn't.

"He's um… okay. He found Nikki and Jenny two weeks ago in Georgia." Her voice held no emotion. She was happy that he finally found Jenny, unbelievably happy, but she was afraid. Nikki had too many tricks under her sleeve just to up and leave them alone to be happy.

"Georgia? Are you serious? How'd he find them there?"

"I don't know, but once he did Nikki just ran away. He doesn't know where she went, but he's not going to wait around in Georgia to find out so he called his family and their moving to Savannah. He called me to tell me that he's not coming back to Tree Hill." A few months ago if Jake would've told her that she probably would've broken into a million pieces and go back into her semi state of depression, but now things were different. She was stable now and she knew that there were people who cared about her and would help her anytime she needed them.

Lucas noticed the lack of emotion on her face and thought that she was putting up her walls again, that her emotion or lack there of was all a façade. He wouldn't let her get like this again; he didn't want her to be like this again.

"I'm sorry, Peyt, but atleast he found Jenny and Nikki's gone so there shouldn't be such a big problem now."

"Yeah." She nodded, still not responding to his attempts to cheer her up, even though she didn't need it.

"It's okay to be upset or sad because Jake's not coming back—"

"But that's just it, I'm not upset or sad. I'm actually relieved." She admitted. She didn't mean to feel this way, but she just… did.

"You are?"

"Yeah. I don't mean to be, but I am. Don't get me wrong what Jake and I had for that short period of time was great, but I knew we never stood a chance. Before he left he told me to move on and that's what I'm doing. I miss him and Jenny, I miss them a lot, but I don't blame him for not coming back or not wanting to. They're happy wherever they are. I know they are and I'm happy where I'm at now, too. I'm a different person now… last year was probably the lowest I've been since my mom died and I don't have to be that person anymore."

He watched in admiration as she spoke of her newfound outlook. She was truly amazing. He had seen her fall many times only to pick herself back up again and he admired her for that.

"I'm proud of you Peyton." Their eyes locked as he smiled softly at her.

"Seriously?" She asked wondering why he had said that. The last person who had said that to her was her father in an email not too long ago. He said that he was proud of her for being able to live on her own and handle everything so well. She missed him a lot and was glad that he was finally coming home today.

"Of course. You're amazing you know that?"

"Thanks." She turned her head so he wouldn't see that she was slightly blushing.

"You know you and Haley have been like my best friends lately… I can't thank you guys enough for just being there and listen to me bitch about my problems when you both have your own, but I guess that's what friends are for, right?" She finally turned to look at him as she started to ramble. She was nervous.

"Right." He nodded.

"Good." She whispered as a silence soon came over them.

"Well as long as I'm here, Peyton there's something I need to tell you." He tried his best to keep his cool as he spoke, but ended up feeling nervous anyway. He figured now since he knew how she felt about Jake he would just seize the moment. He just hoped that he was making the right decision.

"Is it serious?" She watched as he nodded, "Is this about your heart because if it is—"

"No, this isn't about my heart, it's about something else…" He stalled not knowing what words to use.

"What is it?" She suddenly sat up on her bed and set all of her attention on him.

"I know this probably isn't the right time to do this, with your father coming in just a few hours, but—" He immediately stopped talking when he heard the door slam.

"Who's that?" Peyton asked as she got up off her bed and headed towards the door.

"Luke can we talk about this later… or just until I see who's at the door."

"Sure." He tried to act as if it wasn't that important and watched as she went out of the door. This couldn't keep happening—these interruptions, he would tell her before the day was over, he couldn't wait anymore.

"Daddy!" He heard her shout happily from up where he was. So her father was finally home, that was exactly what he felt she needed. She needed her father, a family figure just to reassure her that she has family that cares. After a few minutes he figured he should go down and say hi. He got up from the bed and finally walked downstairs to see an extremely happy Peyton and Haley whom were both talking to Larry.

"Hey Rake boy! I didn't know you were here… I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see boys coming out of Peyton's room." He joked as he went over to shake Lucas' hand.

"Daddy!" Peyton cried, obviously embarrassed by his little joke.

"I'm just joking chicken." Larry laughed.

"It's good to see you again sir." Lucas finally spoke up.

"Rake boy please just call me Larry."

"I'm never gonna live that name down am I?" Lucas laughed slightly.

"Afraid not. So did you come by to visit or are you living here, too?" He joked and they all started laughing.

"No—I was just visiting." Larry nodded and watched as Peyton and Haley disappeared into the kitchen.

"Listen Lucas," He preceded to take Lucas to the side, "Peyton told me about what happened to your father… and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Lucas nodded; he should've known Peyton would tell him about what happened and surprisingly he wasn't angry with her at all.

"It's all right." Now he could finally say those words and mean it.

Larry nodded sympathetically, "If you ever need to talk or anything while I'm here this week you can just stop by."

"Sure." He didn't really feel comfortable talking about Dan's death right now. He was at peace with it, but talking about it was another thing.

He looked down at his watch and realized that he was supposed to go help out at the café and if he didn't leave now not only would he be late, but he would be grounded, too. He let out a sigh. As much as he wanted to stay and hear some more embarrassing stories about Peyton when she was younger, courtesy of her dad, he really had to get going.

"I have to go help out at the café, so I'm going to go… tell Peyton and Haley I said I'll see them tomorrow?"

"Sure." Larry said as he watched Lucas head towards the door.

"Hey Lucas," He called out right before he went out the door, "Say hello to your mom for me."

* * *

Hours later Peyton found herself on Lucas' doorstep. She stood in front of the door waiting for someone to come out, this time she knocked and used the front door, instead. She waited a while until Karen finally opened the door.

"Peyton, how are you? Come on in." She greeted warmly as she opened the door wider for Peyton to come in.

"I'm fine." She said as she walked into the house.

"So Lucas tells me your father's back in town." Karen watched as Peyton practically lit up at the very mention of her father being here.

"Yeah he is. He just came in this afternoon."

"That's great. How long is he staying?"

"For about a week."

"Good." Karen was happy for her. She knew how much Peyton needed an adult figure in her life and at times Karen would opt to be that adult figure, but she knew no one could replace her father.

"Well if you're looking for Brooke she just left. She's at some party and if she's not back in two hours she'll be grounded, so—"

"I'm not here for Brooke—I'm here for Lucas." Peyton spoke up to keep herself from laughing at the thought of Brooke being grounded. Karen was really whipping Brooke into a shape—in a good way, of course.

"Oh… well he's in the bathroom. He should be out in a few."

"Okay." She nodded.

"You know Peyton you've been there for Lucas a lot—especially lately with everything that happened and I just wanted to thank you for that." She took the opportunity to speak up, maybe get some insight on Peyton's feelings for her son.

"It's no problem, really. I'm just returning the favor."

"Oh—"

"Hey." They both looked over to see Lucas, who was now coming towards them.

"Hey." Peyton suddenly brightened up and Karen saw this.

"You up for a walk?" She asked and Lucas nodded as he looked at his mom.

"Sure go ahead, just be home be in two hours." Karen smiled knowingly as she watched them head to the door.

"Oh and Peyton, tell your father I said hi." She said before they went out the door.

* * *

"Well that was weird." Lucas said once they were about a few blocks away from his house.

"What?"

"My mom told you to tell your father she said hi… that was the same thing your dad told me to tell my mom before I left your house earlier." They both looked at each other and started laughing.

"Maybe my dad likes your mom." She joked.

"I think my mom likes your dad." Lucas joked.

"No way… your mom's with Andy." Peyton rolled her eyes at him. The last time Larry had been in town he was flirting with Karen, which was strange, but not entirely wrong.

"They're on a break—and besides does it really matter anyway?"

Peyton laughed, "Why are you supporting this? You do realize if they ever started dating and then eventually get married we'd be like sort of related."

"Ew." They both said simultaneously and shook of the thought of that.

"Okay we need a change of subject."

"Definitely." She agreed.

"So while we're on the subject of your dad, shouldn't you two be somewhere hanging out or something?"

"Yeah… we should, but he's tired so I let him rest. We'll have tomorrow or the weekend to do stuff."

"And Haley?"

"Haley's out finishing her shift at the café. So I just figured that I'd come and bother you."

"I'm flattered." He said sarcastically.

"You should be." She retorted.

"Good one."

"Luke do you think we're boring?"

"What?" Her question caught him off guard as they stopped since they reached the docks.

"We're seniors. This is supposed to be the craziest year of our lives, we're supposed to be spontaneous, or out having fun, and going to parties, committing felonies…"

"What?" He laughed at her last suggestion.

"You know what I mean."

"No I don't think we're boring—responsible maybe, but not boring."

She nodded in agreement, "I guess."

"Do you want to dance?" He asked after a few moments of silence.

"What?"

"Do you want to dance?" He repeated as he held out his hand.

"You're crazy."

"You said it yourself… we're seniors, we should be going crazy."

"Yeah… but I meant normal crazy things—not this." She thought he would use her words against her, like he always would, and she was right.

"C'mon Peyt, you know you want to." He practically pleaded.

"Fine." She laughed a little as she rolled her eyes and accepted his hand.

They both started swaying to the nonexistent music, their eyes never leaving each other. They were both captivated by each other's deep stare. They had never danced before, so this being a first was nice.

"Well Lucas I thought both of the Scott brothers were horrible dancers, but you just exceeded my expectations." She spoke, clearing up the silence that was between them. Although she didn't want to admit it she was glad that he thought of this, dancing on the docks with nothing but the night sky above them. She wasn't one to believe in these things, but she would say this moment was almost perfect.

"What made you think that?"

"Nathan. Great guy, but he's a horrible dancer."

Lucas starting laughing as he pictured Nathan stepping all over Peyton's feet.

"You wouldn't think this was so funny if you were the once dancing with him." It was now Peyton's turned to laugh.

"So is this crazy enough for you?"

"Not as good as committing a felony, but it's certainly up there." She smiled at him, happy that he suggested this, because being in his arms never felt so good.

"Good." He couldn't help but smile as he looked into her green eyes.

"So you left kind of early today… what happened?"

"Your dad didn't tell you?" She shook her head.

"I had to go work at the café."

"Oh, so are you coming by tomorrow?"

"I guess—if my mom doesn't need any help at the café then I'll stop by."

"Okay." And once again they went back to their comfortable silence.

"Peyton there's something I really need to tell you." He was going to do it this time. His cell phone was back home, there was no one else here, Haley was working, Brooke was at a party, and her dad was resting. He was sure there wouldn't be any interruptions this time… and if there would be he would just tell her anyway.

"Is this the same thing you had to tell me earlier?" She asked as they stopped moving, but his hands were still placed comfortably on her waist.

"Yeah."

"Well go ahead." She said softly, suddenly fearing what he was going to say. She didn't like the serious tone of voice he held.

"We've spent a lot of time together, Peyton. We spent a whole summer together rebuilding our friendship… we're closer than we've ever been now and I don't think I could hide this anymore—"

"Lucas what are you saying?" She asked, growing uneasy with each word he uttered.

"The time we spent last summer was amazing and throughout the time we spent together I started to feel something more than just friendship for you. I don't know when it happened, but I know that's how I feel. I can't keep on just being your friend; it's getting to be too hard."

She felt herself become emotional as tears filled her eyes, but she didn't want to cry. She had waited so long for this moment and now it was finally here.

"Lucas—"

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm in love you Peyt." He whispered softly. He had finally did it; he told her how he felt. He just hoped she felt the same way he did.

His hands finally left her waist and were now placed on both sides of her face. Everything was happening so fast, yet their movements were going by slowly. He leaned in slowly, making sure if what he was about to do would be okay. She felt like a deer caught in headlights as his face came closer to hers. She was scared, but she couldn't remember wanting anything so badly in her life, so she closed her eyes and let it all happen. They both felt as if it was the greatest feeling in the world as they kissed; it was gentle, yet passionate.

He released everything he had felt for her in the one kiss and was relieved when he felt her respond. This was it. There was no turning back now atleast not for him.

"Oh wow." She whispered raggedly as they reluctantly broke their contact.

"Yeah, wow," Lucas, replied softly, smiling at her as his thumb absent-mindedly caressed her cheek. He leaned in for another kiss and Peyton was eager to respond before she realized what she was doing.

"Lucas." She moved her head away from his and pulled away from him.

"What's wrong?"

She looked into his now confused eyes and felt tears slide out of her own. She was a mess.

"I—I can't." She forced herself to say as she stepped back.

"Peyton it's okay—" He tried to get through to her not wanting her to get scared and run away.

"No… I'm sorry." She brung her hand up to her mouth as she continued to cry. She couldn't do this. The one thing that she had wanted, she couldn't do. Sometimes she just didn't understand herself.

"Peyt—"

"I'm sorry, Lucas." She kept on saying repeatedly as she backed away from him.

"Don't do this." He pleaded with her. He watched helplessly as she began to walk away. He knew going after he was the wrong thing to do right now. He blew it, he messed everything up. He thought she wanted the same things he did and when he felt her kiss him back he was sure of it, but he was wrong. He was so very wrong.

* * *

So finally Lucas told Peyton how he felt! Of course it all blew up in his face, but atleast she knows now. So where do they go from here?Well I can't reallysay, but you guys probably won't be disappointed like you probably were when you got to the end of this chapter.Maybe someone could knock into Peyton's head or maybe another "tragedy" will bring them together. _Talk_ is next…


	9. Talk

_Oh brother I can't, I can't get through  
__I've been trying hard to reach you  
__Cause I don't know what to do  
__Oh brother I can't believe it's true  
__I'm so scared about the future  
__And I want to talk to you  
__Yeah I want to talk to you…  
_Talk-Coldplay

"Luke, hey Luke! Wait Up!" Lucas immediately stopped walking in the parking lot as he heard someone call his name. He turned around to see Haley coming towards him.

"Hey!" She greeted once she reached him.

"Hey, so what's going on?" He asked as they started walking.

"Nothing much. I'm just going to head home."

"Oh."

Haley noticed his lack of conversation and found it weird. Whenever Lucas was silent like this there was always something wrong, something that he didn't want to share, but she would just get it out of him anyway.

"You know it's so weird calling Peyton's home," She said with a laugh, "But I guess I can since I've been living there for two months."

"Yeah…" He trailed off, his thoughts suddenly going back to Peyton. Last night was probably the worst thing that could have ever happened to them. He was still confused about it even after he kept replaying the situation in his head.

It was then that Haley noticed how distant he was being right now. She couldn't take it anymore. Between him and Peyton both she couldn't get a word out of either of them. Maybe their silence had to do with each other.

"What's on your mind?" She decided to ask him, hoping to get some kind of answer from him.

"Have you seen Peyton in school today?"

Haley sighed, so that was what this was all about… Peyton. She wondered what mistake did Peyton or Lucas make last night.

"Yeah, earlier at the library, but that was it. I know she told me that she was going to come in late today because she wasn't feeling well, but that was all."

"Oh." He said flatly. He couldn't help but feel that she wasn't "feeling well" because of him.

"You know she came up to my room last night in tears—she was crying for a couple of hours and I still don't know why. She wouldn't tell me what was wrong at all."

So he was right. He was the reason. He messed up their friendship.

"This is all my fault."

"What? Peyton not feeling well isn't your fault. It was probably the pizza we ate after you left— it had pineapples and raisins on it," She made a sour face, "It made me a little sick, too—"

"I told her that I loved her last night." He came clean about the events of last night. He couldn't hold it any longer. Besides Peyton, he could always talk to Haley and now that he ruined things with Peyton, Haley was the only one he could talk to.

"You did? Lucas that's great!" She shouted happily, finally one of the admitted how they felt. She expected him to be happy, but he his somber mood didn't change. She then pieced all together, both of their moods today and Peyton coming into her room crying—now she was sure it didn't end well.

"I thought she felt the same way I did so I kissed her and then she ran away—she said she was sorry." He didn't want to talk about what happened last night, but he felt he had to.

"Lucas I'm sorry, I really am." She gave him a pat on his shoulder. She had never seen his blue eyes look so sad.

"I messed everything up Hales. I ruined our friendship, but I just had to tell her. I couldn't hold it in any longer, being with her everyday, watching her laugh, holding her when she cried—it was just getting to be too much. I thought—I thought she would feel the same way, but she turned away." He said, his voice full of sadness.

Haley didn't understand, she knew how Peyton felt about Lucas and now she knew how Lucas felt about Peyton. Why Peyton turned him down was beyond her.

"But Lucas I'm sure Peyton didn't know what she was saying—what she was thinking. She's probably just scared, you know with everything that happened with you in the past and now the whole Jake situation. Maybe she's just afraid to open up her heart again. You have to give her time." Haley was speaking from experience. Ever since she and Nathan got the annulment she wasn't sure if she could ever love again. She was afraid of getting hurt and even though the circumstances weren't the same, she knew Peyton probably felt the same way.

"There's nothing I can do about it now. I can't take back what I said, I'm not even sure if I want to and most of all I ruined our friendship. I don't know what I should do, Hales." They stopped walking once the reached the café.

"You hold on, Luke. That's what you do, you hold on. Don't give up on her." Lucas nodded and then disappeared into the café. Haley was right; he wasn't going to give up on her yet.

* * *

"C'mon Peyton!" Larry practically yelled at his daughter who was far behind as they walked to the café.

"Daddy can we please go back home or I could show you Tric or something, please." Peyton pleaded. She didn't want to go to the café. She was sure Lucas would be in there and she didn't want to see him. She even skipped her first two periods at school so she wouldn't see him. Last night had to be the biggest mistake she had ever made in her life. He had told her everything she wanted to hear, everything she had wanted him to say for the longest and she just pushed him away. Why did she always feel the compelling need to push him away whenever they were getting so close? She could still feel the impact of his kiss and the sweet taste he had left in her mouth had plagued her all night. She had wanted nothing more than to tell him that she loved him, too, but she didn't. She just couldn't do it and she didn't know why. She was just scared… scared to let him in again.

"Why don't you want to go the café sweet pea?"

"I—"

"Are you still feeling sick? Because if you are we can just go on home, I can say hi to the others later."

Peyton didn't want to lie to her dad, "I'm fine—it's nothing. I'm just a little antsy that's all." But she did it anyway.

"You sure?" He asked once the reached the café.

"Yeah… I'm fine." She gave him a small smile as they walked in.

"Good," He smiled happy that his daughter was okay now, "Why don't you go get us a booth while I go say hello to everyone." Peyton nodded and watched as her dad went over to the back and immediately started talking to Deb and Karen.

She walked over to an empty booth and sat down. She let her eyes wander over to the back, where she met eyes with Lucas, who was currently wiping the counter. She watched as he took off his apron and started walking over to where she was. This wasn't happening. She knew it was a bad idea for them to come here. She didn't want to face Lucas, not right now.

"Hey." He spoke softly as he looked down at her.

She hesitantly looked up at him and offered a small smile, "Hey."

"Can I?" He asked as he pointed to the seat opposite her.

"Sure." She watched as he sat down. Everything was becoming so tense between them.

"I um… I didn't see you at first period today…" He took the opportunity to start a conversation hoping to ease the tension between them.

"I wasn't feeling well."

"Are you okay now?"

"Yeah… I'm fine." She lied, actually right now she was feeling sick to her stomach. She didn't like when things were like this between them, but it was her fault and she didn't know how to fix it.

"Can we talk?" He asked, still trying to ease the tension between them, but it wasn't working.

"I wouldn't want to distract you from your job—"

"I'm on break." He wasn't going to let her get herself out of this one. This was something they needed to do.

"Oh… okay then. I guess we can talk." She said hesitantly.

"Good." Was the only thing he could think of saying. He didn't know where to start.

"Lucas, about last night—"

"I'm sorry."

Peyton was confused. Wasn't she the one who was supposed to be apologizing? None of this was his fault. All he did was open his heart up to her; she was the one that stepped on it… she was the one that needed to apologize.

"You are?"

"Yeah, I am." He was lying. He wasn't sorry for anything he had done last night. He meant what he said and he wasn't going to take it back, but if doing so meant having Peyton as his friend back, then he just had to do it or atleast pretend he did.

"No Lucas, you don't understand. I'm the one that's supposed to apologize. I'm sorry for running away like that, I just—"

"It's okay, Peyton. It really is." Although he didn't want to do this, he was willing to put everything in the past if she was.

Peyton sighed defeated, "I just—I want us to be friends. I hate us being like this."

"I guess I want us to be friends, too." He was lying again. Yes, he wanted them to be friends, but he was afraid just being friends with her again would be to hard. He wanted all of her—he wanted her heart, but right now he just had to listen to what Haley said. He had to give her time.

"Good. So last night—that kiss—we were just really caught up in everything." She didn't want to do this. She wanted to tell him how she felt, but she was just too scared.

"Right." He said while nodding.

"So it didn't mean anything, right?"

Lucas locked eyes with her before responding, "It always does."

* * *

_Are you lost or incomplete?_  
_Do you feel like a puzzle?  
__You can't find your missing piece  
__Tell me how you feel  
__Well I fell like their talking in a language I don't speak  
__And they're talking it to me…_

Days had passed and Lucas' words were still ringing in Peyton's head. It always does… what kind of answer is that? She knew what kind of answer it was; it was like the one she gave him after what happened, or what almost happened at the motel. She didn't really like feeling like this, but she missed Lucas. Even though they had agreed to remain friends, their little chats in the hall, the jokes at lunch, the visits after school had basically all stopped. She had said more words to Brooke than himthis past week, who even stopped by a couple of times to see "Papa Sawyer". He did come by once this week for dinner, after her dad had invited him over, but even then he had said more to Haley than he had to her. She was to blame of course, and she wanted nothing more than to tell him how she felt, but it was too late.

So now here she was sitting at the table with her dad, it was Saturday afternoon and he was leaving tomorrow. She would miss him a lot, but he promised he would either call or write almost everyday. She knew he wouldn't keep the promise, but just hearing him say it was enough for her. Since he was leaving tomorrow, she decided it would be best to finally talk to him about the Elizabeth thing. She didn't want to know, but she had to.

"So chicken what did you want to talk about?" Larry asked, wondering why they were suddenly sitting at the table in a serious manner.

Peyton didn't know where to start. What was she going to say? Oh hey dad you know there's this lady claiming to be mother, I think she's a lying bitch, but is she really my mother? No she couldn't say that… she needed more time to think, but that was time she didn't have.

"You know a lot has happened since you've been gone…" She tried to choose her words carefully. She didn't want to say the wrong thing.

"Like what? You know you can talk to me about anything."

"Um… well about four months ago this lady she wanted to do an interview on me, you know about Tric—"

"Chicken, that's great!" He said with a smile, but she shook her head. It wasn't great at all.

"She said she wanted to interview me and we met up at the café and we talked about a lot of things, but then I don't know—something happened and I started getting these creepy IMs from someone—"

"Well did you tell the police?" Now Larry was getting worried. If he knew about all of this he wouldn't have thought leaving her alone in the house for months was still safe.

"No—but that's because they went away. Anyway to make a long story short, this woman… her name is Elizabeth," She watched as her father practically cringed at mention of her name, but she let it go, "And she wasn't—she isn't a journalist… she says… she says that she's my mother." She tried to read her father's eyes for some type of answer, but nothing was there.

"I mean I know she's lying—she just has to be. She's probably just some deranged lunatic or something." She tried to shrug it off, she even tried laughing a little about the whole situation, but her father's silence was scaring her.

"Peyton… we need to talk." His tone and the fact that he didn't use her nickname were making her nervous. She didn't want to hear whatever he had to say now.

"Daddy it's okay—you don't have to say anything. I know she's not my mother and that's all that matters."

Larry hated seeing his daughter like this, he didn't want this time to have to ever come, but it caught up with him.

"Peyton when your mom and I were in high school she was best friends with a woman named Elizabeth. They were always together, going to parties, they were cheerleaders, I guess you could say that were inseparable. During our junior year I started dating Elizabeth even though I had eyes for your mother. We dated all of the way until the middle of senior year until she lied and told me she was pregnant. I found out that same day that she was just lying as a way to get back at me once she found out that I had feelings for Anna so we broke up."

Peyton shook her head as her father continued to speak… why did this all sound somewhat familiar?

"We didn't really speak to each other since we broke up and then the summer before we all went to college I started dating your mom. We got married right out of college and we had been married for about a year when the problems starting happening. For some reason we were always fighting and arguing over the pettiest of things. It was terrible, so we agreed to go to marriage counseling for about a couple of months. The counseling seemed to work because after the first month we made the decision to have a baby. We tried and tried for months, but nothing seemed to work. It was then when we made the decision to go get checked out, it was at the doctor's when we got the heartbreaking news that Anna couldn't have children. We were devastated and the fights just started happening again. We decided to go to counseling again and we thought that would be the answer to all of our problems but it wasn't. We separated a month later."

"So what are you trying to tell me? That I was adopted? That whatever happened between you and Elizabeth is justified because you and mom were separated at the time?" Peyton asked she was practically disgusted. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear anymore about this.

"Peyton listen," Larry sensed his daughter's hostility and tried to explain the story as best as he could, "Your mother and I were always fighting… it just wasn't working out. So we were separated for about three months and during that time I had a chance meeting with Elizabeth one day. We were talking and laughing just like we used to in high school, she was making me forget about all of the problems at home. We kept in contact for about a few weeks and we would meet up sometimes. One night we just took it too far and things just got so—messy. After that night I realized that what I did was wrong and that your mother was the only one for me, so I called up Anna and told her that I couldn't live without her. I came home and we continued to go through counseling and things were going well for us again. I still tried to keep in touch with Elizabeth, but she had left town."

"You cheated on mom?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her father had cheated on her mother, all of these lies they were just coming out and she didn't know how to stop them.

"You have to understand Peyton that I didn't mean to," She watched as her father's expression soon saddened. She knew he was sorry for what he had did, but that didn't mean she could forgive him.

"Well did you ever tell mom about it?"

"I told Anna about what happened immediately. She didn't forgive me at first—it took time, but we got over it together. About a year later Elizabeth came back to town and she asked me to meet her. I agreed and when I went to go meet her she was carrying a baby with her. When I saw her with you in her arms Peyton, I just knew that you were mine. She told me that she couldn't take care of the baby—she said she wasn't ready for a big responsibility like that. So I convinced her not to give the baby up for adoption, instead I told her that she could give the baby to me and Anna, we would legally adopted you, and be your parents. She agreed and ever since that day you became our child. That's the reason why your middle name is Elizabeth—she's your biological mother, Peyton. I know this isn't easy for you, but Anna was your mom and I'm your dad. We're your parents and that's all that should really matter."

Peyton didn't know what to say, well she did, but she wasn't sure if what she had to say would be appropriate. She was shocked. Everything that he had said were like her worst fears all coming true. She couldn't comprehend any of this she wouldn't let herself. How could her parents do that to her? How could they lie like that? All of these questions were just running through her head, everything was happening so fast.

"I can't believe this." She muttered as she stood up from the table, ready to go up in her room or outside somewhere, she didn't want to be in this house right now.

"Peyton you have to understand we didn't tell you about this for a good reason." He went over to where she was standing and tried to touch her arm, but she pulled away.

"And what reason was that? To protect me?" She shouted at him and Larry could only shake his head. He didn't mean for this to happen like this.

"Peyton—"

"How could you do this to me? How could you both lie like that? For seventeen years I believed that she was mother and now you tell me that it's all a lie!" She turned her head away from him so he wouldn't see her crying. She didn't like crying in front of her dad… she had spent so many tears over a woman that wasn't even her real mother and a father who had betrayed her mother's trust. Everything she had ever known, everything she had come to believe was all a lie.

"I know you're hurt right now and I know this probably wasn't what you wanted to hear right now, but I couldn't lie to you anymore—"

"You did it for seventeen years of my life, what's wrong with doing it now?" She snapped bitterly at him.

"I deserve that." He sighed defeated.

"No," She turned around to face him, "You deserve a hell of a lot more. If I didn't bring this up would you have ever told me? If Elizabeth didn't come back to Tree Hill claiming to be my mother would you have ever told me about this all?"

"Eventually… yes I would've. The only reason I didn't tell you sooner is because I knew this was how you would react. Your mom and I wanted to wait until you were older to tell you and then the accident happened, so I just put it off… until now." Larry tried his best to explain this whole thing, but he knew that there was nothing he could say to get her calm down and listen to him. He had to give her time and let this all sink in. Hopefully by tomorrow, before he would leave, she would come to her senses.

"How can I believe you? I can't… I can't even trust you anymore." She whispered hoarsely, her voice breaking on her last words. She couldn't stay there anymore. So without another word or glance at her father she went straight out the door. Not even worrying to get her jacket or car keys, she just walked. She didn't know where she was going; she just knew that she had to get away.

As she walked she took out her cell phone and began dialing various numbers. She desperately needed someone to talk to; she didn't want to be alone right now.

"Haley, it's me. Call me back when you get this—I really need to talk to you right now." She hung up after she left a message on Haley's voice mail. She must've been working at the café.

She dialed Brooke's number and waited for her to pick up, but she never did. She really needed her best friend right now and she wasn't answering, she even tried Nathan, but he was out of town. That left one person, one person she didn't really want to need right now, but she was sure she could count on him. She turned around and started walking in the direction of his house. She reached it within minutes

She stood in front of Lucas' door, not sure if she should knock or not. What if Karen answered it? She didn't feel like explaining why she was currently in tears to her. She didn't know what to do… she needed Lucas right now, once again when everyone was basically gone he was the only one she could count on. Taking her chances, she softly knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer. She stood there for about a minute and still no one came. She thought about knocking again, but instead she got ready to turn around.

"Peyton?" She turned around as she heard the door creak open and came face to face with Lucas. He looked like he had been sleeping… this must've been a bad time.

"I'm sorry—I'll come back another time." She tried to turn away so he wouldn't see that she was crying, but it was already too late.

"Peyton? What's wrong?" Now he was getting worried. It wasn't everyday that Peyton would end up on his doorstep crying. He knew her father was leaving tomorrow and then it all hit him—this had to be about her mother.

"Peyton, I'm so sorry." She nodded sadly as she continued to cry. Without another word from either of them, she just fell into his open arms and cried, forgetting everything.

Lucas closed his eyes as he held her in arms. Everything that happened between them didn't seem to matter; this was what they both needed. He would be there for her no matter what; everything else just didn't seem so important anymore.

* * *

Yeah so they're friends again… atleast they'll try to be. So that's it for the whole Peyton/Elizabeth/Larry thing. I have no idea where they're going to go with it on the show, but I thought it made sense for Larry to cheat or whatever. It was the only way things would've worked out so I just went with it. Thanks for the reviews guys; I hope you liked this chapter. There are onlythree more chapters left… so things are coming to a close soon. Next is _Fix You_.


	10. Fix You

_When you try your best  
__But you don't succeed  
__When you get what you want  
__But not what you need  
__When you feeling tired,  
__But you can't sleep  
__Stuck in reverse…  
_Fix You-Coldplay

She couldn't sleep. She felt miserable nothing was helping her at all and the weird thing was that she was actually really tired. She shut her eyes and tried to fall asleep, but it didn't work. She was desperate so she even tried counting sheep, but all she could think of was what had happened earlier. She rolled over and set her gaze upon Lucas. After she came to him he had invited her into the house, of course she accepted knowing that there was no place else for her to go. It was getting late and she didn't want to go home so he said she could take his mother's room. Brooke wasn't in yet and his mom had told him earlier that she would be out with Andy, they had gotten back together, so he assumed that she wouldn't be back until sometime in the morning—or the afternoon considering that she had to take care of the café. She was hesitant at first, but he assured her that no one would have to know that she was here and so she accepted.

She didn't know what was wrong with her. Was this all like karma kicking her in the ass because she had made some mistakes in the past? This was all really too much to handle between her father, Elizabeth, and not to mention her whole confusion situation with Lucas. Right now she envied him. He was sleeping peacefully and she wished she could do the same, but she couldn't. She felt like she had been going backwards this whole day—this whole month. She was so broken right now and felt like he was the only one who would be able to fix her. He was the only one she could talk to right now, the only one who would understand.

"Is it morning yet?" Her eyes shot open and she nearly jumped out of her skin. The one moment when she finally closed her eyes and thought she could get some sleep, he chose to get up. She rolled over a little to look at the digital alarm clock on Karen's nightstand.

"It's 3:30 in the morning, Lucas. Go back to sleep." She whispered, hoping that he would just listen to her and go back to sleep so they wouldn't have to talk.

"I can't… I'm already awake." He shifted as he set his gaze upon her.

"Great." She frowned.

"And since I know you haven't gotten much sleep either, I was hoping we could talk." He eased up on the situation. He knew if he said the wrong thing Peyton would probably just run out, she wasn't really an easy person to deal with when she was angry or sad, but then again who was?

Peyton practically groaned at the mention of talking. She didn't really want to talk about it, atleast not now.

"I'm okay Lucas… honestly, I don't want to bother you with my stupid problems. You've obviously got your own and—"

"You're problems aren't stupid, Peyt. We could talk about it or we could not talk about it whatever you want. I just want you to know that I'm here to listen. I'm always going to be here for you."

She looked fearfully over at him and nodded. God, she loved him. He was the only would who understood her—the only one who understood anything that she was going through. He was the only one she could trust right now, it had been like that since their summer together. She had grown used to it, but why couldn't she just tell him that? She was just so scared to let him in.

"She's my mother Lucas. My dad, he—he..." She couldn't bring herself to say what happened.

Lucas placed a comforting hand atop of her own, "We can talk about this when you're ready…" He waited for her to say something, but she never did.

"Or we just won't." He added.

"He lied to me. Elizabeth and my mom were best friends in high school. They did everything together. They were even cheerleaders together. That all changed once Elizabeth started going out with my dad even though she knew my mom—Anna, had a thing for him and my dad had a thing for her." She stopped talking and turned to see his reaction.

"Sound familiar to you, too?" He just nodded.

"To make a long story short they dated until senior year, Elizabeth realized that she couldn't play second string anymore. My mom and dad got married right of college. They had been having problems shortly after that so they separated. My dad had a chance meeting with Elizabeth, they had a one-night stand and she ran away. Then when my parents were back together again the bitch decides to come back with me. She claimed she couldn't take care of me so she left me with my dad." Peyton couldn't help but feel resentment towards Elizabeth. She was making her life a living hell.

"Peyton I'm so sorry." He said sympathetically. He couldn't stand to see her like this.

"Can you believe her? I doubt she even knew that my mother died before she came into town claiming to be my "real" mother. I bet she didn't even care! How could she do this? She practically disowned me when I was a baby and now she's trying to come back in my life. I'm not gonna let her do this to me, Luke. I can't."

"Peyt I know it's hard and I know you're probably going to hate what I have to say, but you need to talk to Elizabeth… and your dad."

"I won't."

"I'm not saying that you have to talk to Elizabeth right away, but your dad, he's not going to be here tomorrow or the next week or probably the next week after that. It could be months before you see him again. Remember what you told me when I told you about my HCM? Sometimes we lie to protect the people that we love. Your father was just trying to protect you. He was probably afraid." Peyton took Lucas' words into consideration even though she knew he would use her words against her, he always did. She knew what he was saying was right, but she didn't want it to be. She didn't want to listen to him right now. She wanted her mother back. What she really wanted was for this all to go away.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because those are all the same reasons why I only told you about the HCM. Everyday I get up before mom and Brooke, I go to the bathroom and I take my medicine. I walk out and find a place to hide it somewhere because I'm afraid that if my mom or Brooke finds it than they'll find out that I really do have the HCM. I don't ever want to see the look on my mom's face once she finds out, Peyton. That's why I have to keep it a secret… that's why I lie about it. It's the only way."

Peyton nodded. She was in no position to scold him or tell him that if he actually told his mom he would feel better because she knew that that was just a bunch of bullshit. She wasn't going to judge him.

"So are you—you know ever going to tell her?"

"I don't know. I kinda want to spare her the pain of knowing, you know? I'm more afraid of her finding out than what she'll do if she walks into her room to see us lying here."

They both let out a laugh despite the irony or somewhat depression they were both going through at this very moment.

"About that—I should go—"

"No, Peyton it's fine that you're here. Like I told you earlier my mom's definitely staying at Andy's and with the stuff she has to do at the café she probably won't be back here until the afternoon and Brooke, she sleeps through anything. She won't even notice."

Once again she took his statement into consideration, he was probably right.

"Okay."

"Good. Now we can try to get some sleep." Well that was easy for him to say.

"I can't—I can't sleep."

"If you want to talk some more—"

"No," She shook her head, "That's not it. I want to go to sleep and I am tired, but I just can't. I've tried ever since we came in here and nothing seems to work. I just—forget it, it's stupid."

"Peyton, you can tell me." He urged.

"I just want to be able to close my eyes, wake up, and hopefully learn that everything my dad told me was just some nightmare, some horrible nightmare, but I know that's not possible… I told you it was stupid."

"It isn't stupid. You had a rough day; hell you've had a rough year. We've all hit our low points at one time or another this is just another obstacle that you've gotta overcome."

Once again she looked fearfully over at him, "And what if I can't?"

"You will and I'll be right there beside you."

* * *

After their conversation last night, Peyton had finally gone to sleep. It took some time, but it was worth it. She finally opened her eyes to see Lucas staring at her. She wondered how long he had been doing so.

"Morning."

"Morning." He finally took his gaze off of her.

"How long have you been staring at me?" She asked and he let out a short laugh.

"You caught me… for about a few minutes."

"Did your mom come home?"

"No… not yet. It's 9 so she might come back in a couple of hours or something."

"Oh no, I've gotta go. My dad's gonna be leaving in about an hour. I want to catch him before he leaves." She got up from the bed and stretched.

"Did you come with your car?" Peyton shook her head, "Then I'll drive you back so you could catch him on time."

She nodded gratefully, "Thanks Luke."

"It's no problem." He stood up and after that they both walked to the door.

He placed his hand on the doorknob and turned to her, "Come on let's get out of here before—"

He opened the door and before the words completely came out of his mouth she was already standing there with a smirk and a questioning look.

"Well, well, well if it isn't broody and P Sawyer." Brooke couldn't contain the smirk off of her face. She had saw them sleeping in each other's arm a little earlier when she peeked into Karen's room to see if she was there, but instead she saw something better. She couldn't wait to tease them about it even though she knew it was completely innocent.

"Brooke, I—um, this—this isn't what it looks like." Peyton stuttered her way through her excuse.

"Oh?" She arched her brow, "Then what is it?"

"I—"

"Because it looks to me like you and Lucas just came out of Karen's bedroom together, might I ask what you two were doing in there?" Brooke loved every minute of this, teasing them was so fun.

"Brooke." Lucas blushed as he avoided her gaze.

Brooke sighed, "Okay… okay, I'm just joking. I saw you guys sleeping a few hours ago. I know it was totally innocent, I was just teasing." Lucas and Peyton both nodded and were ready to get out of the house before any more embarrassment.

"Here's a tip though, the next time you wanna spend the night with Lucas, lock the door." She joked.

"Brooke!" An even more embarrassed Peyton cried out.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. So are you two going to tell Karen about this?" Lucas and Peyton glanced at each other again; they hoped Karen wouldn't suddenly appear.

"We—"

"Tell me about what?" Karen asked as she walked into the house and to the hall where the three teenagers were standing.

"Tell you that my dad—he's leaving town tomorrow… we just thought you should know." Peyton quickly covered up.

"Right." Lucas and Brooke both nodded.

"Oh? I'm sorry Peyton, I know how much you miss him when he's gone." She added sympathetically.

"Okay… mom we have to get going. I'm going to drive Peyton back home so she could catch her dad in time." And with that they were gone.

"You think they'll ever realize what's between them?" Brooke asked once she was sure Peyton and Lucas were out of the house.

Karen shook her head and laughed, "With how stubborn the both are, I doubt it'd be anytime soon."

* * *

As soon as Peyton and Lucas pulled up in front of her house, she spotted her father putting his suitcase in the trunk of the taxi. He was actually going to leave without saying goodbye.

"Thank you once again." She hopped out of Luke's car and shut the door.

"It was no problem. Listen, call me if you need someone to talk to—anything."

She smiled at his kind words, "Okay." And with that she took off to stop her dad before he left.

"So you were just going to leave without saying goodbye?" She asked once she got his attention.

Larry frowned, seeing his daughter's sad face just broke his heart.

"I didn't think you wanted to talk to me, let only see my face, so I left you a note."

"Dad I don't want us to be like this."

She watched as hope glimmered in his eyes, "So you forgive me?"

"Not yet… but I will, eventually." He nodded and turned towards the cab door. He was about to get in until Peyton stopped him.

"Daddy wait."

"Yes?" He turned to face her again.

"I love you." She whispered as she gave him one last hug before he went off.

Larry smiled as he heard those words from his daughter; there was hope for them yet.

"I love you, too chicken." They both reluctantly pulled out of their hug and Peyton had stood in her same spot on the sidewalk, watching the taxi until she couldn't see it anymore before she went inside.

* * *

Hours later Peyton had finally came out of her room and headed to the kitchen only to see Haley sitting at the kitchen table.

She looked up from nothing in particular and greeted Peyton, "Hey P Boogie."

"Hey Hales." Peyton took a seat at the table.

"So where were you all night?" Haley asked. Her tone oddly similar to Brooke's when she saw Lucas and Peyton coming out of Karen's bedroom.

"I—"

"You were with Lucas weren't you?" Haley guessed. She had gotten up to tell Peyton's dad goodbye and then after that she went back to sleep in her room, she didn't even know Peyton had been back.

"How'd you know?"

"Just a lucky guess. Your dad left you a note, you know."

Peyton nodded, "I know he told me outside."

"Okay, but just so you know I'm not going to ask what happened with you and Lucas… unless you want to tell me?" A smile played on Haley's lips as she watched her best friend squirm.

"We didn't do anything. I just slept over there since I didn't want to come home… that's all."

"Oh. So did your dad mention when he was coming back?"

"He said he'll try to come home once a month—but that means twice every six months." She loved her dad, but she knew time management was never one of his strong points.

"That seems like a while… hey, so what was that message you left me about? I tried calling you back, but your phone was off." Haley asked wondering why Peyton had left her that strange message. She was worried about her.

"The reason why I didn't come home yesterday was because my dad told me that Elizabeth is really my mother." There was no use lying to Haley, she knew she would understand. That was the thing about their friendship, they were never afraid to talk about the real stuff.

"Peyton—"

"Please don't ask me if I'm okay or say that you're sorry," Peyton pleaded almost sadly, "I told Brooke an hour ago on the phone and she couldn't stop apologizing."

"I wasn't going to ask or say that."

"Oh."

"I was going to ask you if Lucas knew. I wasn't going to apologize or ask you how you were doing because I know you probably feel like shit." They shared a brief laugh.

"You're right. Yesterday I did feel like shit, but I had time to think about it and I realized that I couldn't stay mad at him. Talking to Lucas made me see that." Peyton watched as a smirk appeared on Haley's face. This couldn't be good.

"Since we're on the topic of Lucas again, he told me what happened between you two last week." Haley nudged Peyton playfully.

"Hales!" They laughed.

"What? I'm not teasing you… yet," Haley, laughed, "I'm just letting you know that I'm aware of what happened."

"We just kissed and that's all."

"And you didn't feel anything?" Haley became serious. She knew how Peyton felt about Lucas, but she was still confused about why she just ran away like that.

"Of course I did. You know we were just walking and then we were talking about how we're seniors and we should be doing crazy things, so he asked me to dance—"

"Luke?" She asked she had never seen Luke dance. Well she did once when they were little, but she didn't remember much of him, she just remembered laughing… a lot.

"Yes Luke and then he told me—he told me that he was in love with me. I was so happy, Haley… I really was and then he kissed me. That kiss—it just made everything so much clearer—"

"So then why did you runaway like that?"

"I was scared Hales. I just freaked out you know?"

Haley nodded, "Well you can always just go to Lucas right now and tell him how you feel."

"I can't. I already messed things up, you know I practically cornered him into saying that we were just friends at the café. God Hales, when did I become such a horrible person?" She asked suddenly aware of her horrible decisions lately.

"The same time everything got so complicated." Haley had often wondered about that, too. When did she, herself become such a horrible person? The day she left Nathan to go on tour, that was it.

"Right."

"Oh c'mon Peyton. You're not a horrible person—you're my best friend. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have overcome my fear of singing in public—I wouldn't have experienced probably one of the most exciting things of my life—going on tour. You've helped me in more ways than one, P Boogie. That's what friends do. They help each other and if you ever need someone to talk to, you know I'm here."

Peyton smiled at her, "Thank you Hales. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well, you'd be living in this huge house all alone that's for starters and…" Peyton laughed a little and rolled her eyes as Haley went on and on, this was going to be a long day.

* * *

Haley was covering the late shift at the café and Peyton was all alone in her big house. She couldn't help but feel angst filled right now. She had been contemplating on calling Elizabeth for the whole week now. It was Saturday night, a week since her father left, and she still hadn't made a decision. She got a call from her father during the week; he spent most of it apologizing and she spent most of the call lying telling him that she was okay. The truth was she wasn't okay… she wasn't sure if she would ever be okay. It was because of one mistake that he had made that caused her life to be thrown upside down. She felt like she was paying for his mistakes, but she knew this wasn't completely his fault. He sent her an email yesterday, but she didn't have the heart to respond back, not just yet. As much as she didn't want to admit it she needed to hear Elizabeth's side of the story.

Without much thought she picked up her phone and began to dial a number, "Hey. Can you meet me at the River Court? Okay. I'll be there in ten."

Stepping out of her car she walked rather slowly to Lucas' front porch. She hoped that he was there; she really needed him right now. Finally walking up the steps, she walked towards the door and knocked softly. After a few minutes the door finally swung open.

"Hey."

"You doing anything right now?"

He shook his head, "No. Why what are you gonna do?"

"Well I thought about what you said last week and you were right."

"I'm right about what?" He asked as she sat in the driver's seat.

"I'm going to the River Court to talk to Elizabeth." She answered simply and watched as a shocked look appeared on his face.

"Peyton—"

"Now are you coming or what?" She asked before he had a chance to properly respond.

"Sure." He opened the car door and sat in the passenger seat. This was going to be one hell of a night.

* * *

_When the tears come streaming  
__Down your face, when you lose  
__Something you can't replace  
__When you love someone  
__But it goes to waste  
__Could it be worse?_

"Can you believe her?" Peyton practically yelled at Lucas as she paced up and down on a space on the sidewalk.

Lucas who was leaning on the side of her car just shook his head. Peyton had been silent during the whole car ride back from the River Court, but as soon as they reached his house she started venting.

"How could she say those things? I can't believe a word that she says." Peyton couldn't believe the things Elizabeth had told her. She sat on the bench next to her biological mother with an opened mind and left it angry. Elizabeth had told Peyton that she didn't want to give her up and had basically said that she chose her career over her own child, but now things were different she said. She said that she had learned to balance her career and finally be apart of Peyton's life, but that was only if Peyton wanted that, too. Of course Peyton didn't answer right away, she told her that she needed time to think about it. Actually she had already made a decision she didn't want Elizabeth in her life. She didn't want her before why did she want to be in her life now? It was too late for that; Peyton just couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't good enough. Knowing that her own mother didn't want her had opened a whole new batch of insecurities for Peyton.

"Peyton you've gotta understand that what she said was probably her point of view of things. I'm not saying you have to, but don't you think it would only be fair to give her a chance?" It was when Lucas had started speaking that Peyton finally stopped pacing.

"I—I can't. She didn't want me… was she ashamed of me or something? I just don't get it." Peyton's voice began to crack and her eyes began to water with tears.

"It was probably just too much for her to handle."

"You're probably right, but… I just can't shake this feeling Luke. This feeling of being unwanted."

"I know the feeling." Lucas admitted sadly.

Peyton covered her mouth with her hand as she heard Lucas' words. She had been so wrapped up in her own grief that she had forgotten about Lucas' situation with Dan. How could she be so insensitive?

"Oh Luke, I'm sorry."

"It's fine," He protested, but she gave him a look that showed that she didn't believe him, "Really. I promise."

"I just don't know what to do. I don't know who or what to believe anymore. Why should I give her a chance if she didn't want me in the first place? What if I do let her in, Luke, if I let her get to know me and actually form a bond with her am I turning away from my mom?"

Lucas listened as Peyton began to vent about the situation some more. He had never seen her so confused and so hurt at the same time like this. He wished that he knew the right thing to say to make her feel better, but he didn't.

"It was wrong of her to choose her career over you, but look on the bright side; wonderful people raised you. Your mom and your dad loved you, Peyton. Just because you're getting to know the mother that you never knew you had doesn't mean you still don't love the one that you grew up." Peyton slightly nodded as tears started to run down her face, this whole month had been such a disaster. She didn't know what to do.

"I just… I just want my mom back," Her voice began to crack, "I'm sick of crying and I'm sick being so lost and confused. I just want her back, Luke, so then I wouldn't have to go through this… or atleast not alone."

"Peyt." Lucas finally stopped leaning on the car and went to the spot where she had been standing.

"Hmm?" She looked up at him.

"You're not alone in this." He said simply as she just nodded and fell into his arms.

He held onto her tightly as she did him and placed a kiss on her forehead as he tried his best to console her. All he really wanted now was just for her to know that he would always be there for her.

_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
__And I will try to fix you…

* * *

_

Not much to say about this chapter, I just hoped I did the song justice since Fix You is like the ultimate Coldplay song or whatever. Thank you so much for the reviews and there's only two more chapters left. I wonder what will happen. _A Message_ is next.


	11. A Message

_Your heavy heart  
Is made of stone  
And its so hard to see you clearly  
You don't have to be on your own  
You don't have to be on your own…  
_A Message, Coldplay

She woke up to find Lucas sitting at the edge of her bed. She had been so exhausted she had forgotten that Lucas had drove her back home since she was too emotional to drive herself and along the ride she must've fell asleep. She rubbed her eyes and yawned before sitting up, he had done so much for her these past few days, these past few months. He had really become someone she could count on no matter what.

"What time is it?" She spoke while yawning again. He turned his head as soon as he heard her voice and got up to sit at the head of the bed where she was.

"It's 6 AM."

Not believing him Peyton turned her head toward the window as the light from the sun came peeking through it, which hurt her eyes. That was a bad choice.

She squinted, "You stayed here that long?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You can go now, you know. I mean—I wouldn't want you to get in trouble with your mom again."

"It's all right. I called her and told her what happened."

"And she took it okay?" Peyton asked knowing that Karen wouldn't have let Lucas off the hook that easy.

"I didn't say that," They laughed, "I have to do extra shifts at the café for two weeks, but other than that I guess you could say she took it well."

"Lucas I'm really sorry." She felt horrible for getting him in trouble.

"It's okay… all that matters right now is that you're okay. I just want to be here for you Peyton." He gave her one of his infamous eye piercing gazes and she was gone.

"Lucas," She suddenly turned away from his gaze, "It's all right. I'll be fine." She tried to convince him, but he would have none of it.

"You don't have to be alone right now, Peyt. Especially after everything that happened lately, alone is the last thing you should be."

"Haley's here… so technically I'm not alone. Like I said before you don't have to worry about me, Luke. I'll be fine… I promise." Okay so she would exactly be fine, but she planned to get over everything in a few months tops.

He could tell she was lying, he could always tell when she was lying about something and now wasn't any different. She was just so hard to get to sometimes.

"Sorry Peyt, but I don't believe you." Lifting up his feet so that his entire body was lying on her bed he looked over at her and watched her frown.

"I knew you wouldn't. You're right. I don't want to be alone right now," She locked eyes with his before speaking again, "I need you Luke."

His heart broke at the desperation and sadness in her voice as he wrapped his arm around her and brung her closer to him. She rested her head on his shoulder and they stayed like that for the rest of the morning. Those words were all he needed to here to get him to never leave her again.

* * *

_My song is love  
My song is love, unknown  
And I'm on fire for you, clearly  
You don't have to be alone  
You don't have to be on your own…_

"Hey bestest friend in the whole world." Peyton looked up from nothing in particular and saw Brooke sitting across from her.

"Hey Brooke. What's up?"

"I should be asking you the same question." Brooke said with a devious tone.

"What?" She watched as Brooke leaned in a little as she always did when she either wanted to gossip about something or if she wanted to know something.

"So what really went on with Lucas in Karen's room?" She arched her brow and smirked at her best friend.

"Brooke!" She blushed not wanting to go through the questions again.

"Oh c'mon P Sawyer, you mean to tell me nothing's going on between you two?" All Brooke wanted was for Peyton to admit her feelings about Lucas, teasing her about it was just an advantage.

"I told you nothing happened in there. We just fell asleep." She tried to convince her, but Brooke was ready to speak again.

"Right and—"

"That's all that happened." Peyton cut her off.

Brooke shook her head at her naïve and stubborn friend, Lucas and Peyton were so much alike emotion wise it was scary.

"Fine I'll change the subject." She grumbled as Peyton laughed a little and nodded.

"Okay."

"So what are you doing sitting all alone?" She watched as Peyton turned a little and set her gaze on where Lucas was standing, who was currently talking to Haley. He saw that she was looking at them and gave her a wave.

When Peyton turned back around to face Brooke, she saw an accusing look on her face.

"Don't say it Brooke." She warned her.

Brooke laughed, "Fine… I won't."

"I was sitting with Lucas," She tilted her head towards him, "He just went to get go Haley." Peyton couldn't help but still feel uneasy talking to Brooke about Lucas.

"I see." Brooke said unaffectedly. She honestly didn't really care that Lucas and Peyton were spending more time together. She had to admit when she came back from California she felt a little jealous after seeing how much they had grown closer over the summer, but now she was completely cool with it. She was happy for them.

Peyton mistook Brooke's nonchalant response for something negative; "Brooke if this is about me spending more time with Luke I can—"

"What? Peyton it's fine, really. I'm cool with it. I just wanted to come over here and see how my best friend was doing. The last time we actually talked you were broken up about the whole Elizabeth situation and before that you…"

"About that, Brooke I just wanted to give Lucas this stupid mix, then I walked in and I thought I was interrupting something so I freaked." Of course Peyton didn't like lying to Brooke, but she wanted to avoid the topic of Lucas.

"It was more than that wasn't it?" Brooke's accusing gaze made Peyton avoid eye contact with her.

"It was nothing."

"Peyton you don't have to lie to me. I saw the look on your face that night; whatever you came for was obviously for something other than a stupid mix and you know it." Brooke had Peyton cornered. There was no way she could back out of this one.

"Are you sure you won't be mad if I tell you?" Peyton missed talking to Brooke about things, but she knew Lucas wasn't one of those things. It would probably be one of those things that would be awkward no matter what.

"Oh please, me crushing on Lucas is like so two seasons ago." Brooke said while rolling her eyes, which made Peyton laugh. To be honest the thought of ever getting back with Lucas kind of repulsed her. He was a great friend, but that was definitely all she needed him to be.

"I came to tell him how I felt about him… but then I saw you two and I just thought the worst, you know?"

Suddenly Brooke felt bad. She hoped that she wasn't the reason Peyton didn't go for Lucas yet, she didn't want to get in between them… not again.

"Peyton what you saw in there was nothing. Before you came in Lucas and I were just straightening things up between us. You have nothing to worry about… besides; when you left he told me you were the one that he wanted."

"I know and I turned him down." She practically hated herself for running away from Lucas like that. It was wrong and it was stupid of her, but she didn't know how to make it right.

"You did what? Why? But I thought you felt the same way about him?" Brooke began to ask loads of questions and all Peyton could do was give her a simple answer.

"Because I'm scared."

"Scared of what? You of all people should know how much Lucas has changed this past year."

"I know, but I can't help it Brooke. Everything's just been so complicated and—"

"Hey guys." Lucas and Haley acknowledged Brooke as they sat back down.

"Hey tutor girl, broody." She said before standing up.

"Brooke… you can stay if you want." Peyton hoped Brooke wasn't getting up because Lucas was there.

"I can't," Brooke frowned, "I've gotta go to another Student Council Meeting. I'll see you guys later." They all said their goodbyes to Brooke and watched her walk off.

So now Peyton knew how Brooke felt about Lucas. She had made it clear that she was in fact over him. There was now nothing stopping Peyton from going after Lucas, but herself.

* * *

Peyton had been walking through the school's parking lot until she heard someone call her. She turned around and saw Lucas coming towards her.

"Hey Luke."

"Hey." They started walking through the parking lot.

"Have you spoken to your dad lately?" Lucas took the opportunity to speak up after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah I spoke to him a few days ago."

"What about Elizabeth?"

"What about her?" Peyton snapped.

"Peyton—"

"I'm sorry Lucas. I didn't mean to snap at you, I just don't want to think about her right now… or my dad for that matter. I just want to forget about this all." She hated talking about Elizabeth and her father. The one thing she could say about Lucas was he always made her talk about things, even when she didn't want to. At first she would've said it was a bad thing, but the more she talked to him, the more she didn't mind it.

"So what are you doing tonight?"

"Well I was just going to lay around, sketch, listen to some depressing music… you know the usual." Peyton joked.

"Well how would you like to be able to forget about all of your problems for one night?"

Peyton who was taken back by Lucas' strange words just shook her head at him, "That's not possible."

He frowned at her pessimistic view of things, "Okay how about some of them?" He reasoned with her.

"That'll work," Her lips curved into a gentle smile, "But how do you suppose we do that?"

He laughed a little and shook his head, lately there were always questions with Peyton.

"You can come over tonight and see." He offered.

"Oh Lucas c'mon," She began to whine, "You know I hate secrets… why can't you just tell me?"

"Because it'll be better if it'd be a surprise."

"Fine," She groaned, "But whatever you have planned better take my mind off of things."

He laughed at her semi threat and just shook his head.

"What took you two so long?" Asked in impatient Haley who was leaning on the side of Peyton's car.

"Well hey Hales, how are you? Lucas and I are fine. Thanks for asking, though." Peyton joked in response to Haley's impatience.

Haley laughed, "Okay… fine, Hey Lucas and Peyton. How was your day?"

"Well, my day—"

"Okay great. Now let's go." Haley opened the car door and sat in the passenger seat, not even waiting for Lucas to finish his sentence.

"So are you coming over to Luke's with me tonight, Haley?" She asked as she got in her car.

"I—" Haley looked up towards Lucas who had a look of warning in his eyes, she knew what she had to do.

"I'll… just sit this one out."

"Are you sure?" Peyton asked obviously not taking no for an answer.

"Yeah I'm sure." She replied as she looked at Lucas again and shook her head. What would happen between Lucas and Peyton tonight would be interesting.

* * *

Haley leaned on Peyton's doorframe, which led to her closet and watched as Peyton stood there looking at her huge collection of clothes. She figured it had to do with whatever she and Lucas were doing tonight. She knew it probably would be something big by the look Lucas gave her so she would back out.

"Are you ready for your date with Lucas?" Haley teased and watched as Peyton turned around, her face flushed and red.

"It's not a date."

"Sure it isn't." Haley walked into her closet so that she was now standing next to Peyton.

"It's not. We're just hanging out at his house."

"Sure—"

"And that's all." She cut Haley off.

"No need to be so aggressive, dude."

Peyton rolled her eyes and laughed at Haley's comment, "Whatever man."

"So how long have you been in here staring at your clothes?"

"I was just trying to figure out something to wear—"

"For your date—" Peyton shot her a mean look, "I mean for when you _hang out_ with Lucas."

"Right and I still can't find anything that looks good enough."

"Just go as you are… Lucas doesn't care about stuff like that Peyton and you know it."

"You're right," Peyton sighed, "I just wish I wasn't so nervous." She walked out of her closet with Haley right behind her.

"Are you sure you don't wanna come?" She turned to face Haley.

"Oh no," She frowned, "I can't."

"Why not?" Peyton didn't know why she was so desperate for Haley to come… she wasn't used to being so nervous around Lucas. Things weren't ever really the same after she found out how he felt about her.

"Because Lucas doesn't want me to."

"What? Well why not?"

"Because he wants to be alooone with you." She joked as she threw her arm around an embarrassed Peyton.

"Haley!"

* * *

_And I'm not gonna take it back  
And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that  
Your the target that I'm aiming at  
But I'm nothing on my own  
Got to get that message home…_

"Thanks for tonight Luke." They were currently sitting in his car, which was parked a block away from her house. They had been at his house for hours watching cheesy comedies and it really did take her mind off of things. It was now past eleven o'clock and she would've stayed longer, but Karen came home and insisted Lucas drive her back home. They had both laughed way too much tonight.

"It was no problem."

"You really helped take my mind off of things." She smiled gratefully at him.

"Yeah… well what can I say? I just miss hanging out with you, Peyt."

She nodded, "You're a great friend, Luke."

Lucas winced. He was sick of it, just being a friend to her. He wanted to be more than just a friend to her and she knew it, so why did she say that? Why must she continue to say things like that? Did she know how much it killed him inside to hear that?

"What's wrong?" She asked immediately noticing the discomfort on his face.

"I can't… I can't continue being just friends with you." He admitted.

She shifted in the seat uncomfortably, "Lucas I told you how I felt."

"No actually you didn't," He turned to look at her, "You just ran away."

Not wanting to get in this argument again, she just kept quiet.

"You know what… just forget I said anything." She took the easy way out of things, opened the door, and stepped out of his car.

He sat still in the vehicle and watched as she began to walk to her house, she was running away again, but this time he was going to go after her. He stepped out of his car and caught up with her within a few strides.

"Peyton," He tried to get her attention, but she ignored him, "C'mon Peyt… I'm sorry."

"You're not sorry." She replied as she stopped walking, but she still wasn't facing him.

"You're right," He sighed, "I'm not."

"Lucas don't do this, please don't do this." She pleaded with him, finally turning around to look at him. The sad look on his face was enough to break her.

"Don't do what? Tell you how I feel about you?"

"Don't ruin what we have… our friendship."

"Peyton I can't be just friends with you anymore… it's too hard."

She shook her head, "Lucas please… don't make this difficult. I don't want to lose you."

"I don't want to lose you either, Peyt, but this is all getting to be too hard. Watching you laugh, comforting you when your upset, holding you when you cry… when I do this things its just killing me to know that all you want to be is friends. I don't think I can do this anymore." He was trying to get through to her, trying to make her see how he felt.

"I just wish we could go back to the way things were you know?" She was trying not to cry in front of him, but it was too late. The tears were already sliding down her cheeks.

He sadly shook his head, "It's too late for that."

"It doesn't have to be." She tried to reason with him.

"I'm not gonna take back what I said to you Peyton or tell you that that kiss didn't mean anything when we both know it did. I just can't. I love you and I know some part of you wants to tell me that you love me, too."

"You're wrong." She lied. She hated lying to him and she didn't want to push him away, but he was making her do so and it was tearing her up inside.

"No I'm not." He ignored her comments.

"Lucas—" In one swift movement he gently pulled her close to him and stared deeply into her hazel eyes.

"I know you want the same things I want… all you have to do is just say it." He whispered softly to her as his lips brushed softly passed hers. She could barely feel the light kiss he placed upon her lips, as she was rendered speechless by his actions.

He released her from his gentle hold, but never took his eyes off of hers as he waited for her to respond. Inside he was pleading with her to just say how she truly felt.

"I'm sorry Lucas… but I can't. Not now. I can't." She mumbled as she started crying again, she didn't want to let him down, but she was scared.

"Why? Why are you so afraid to just let us happen again?" He felt himself getting emotional as his own eyes filled with tears. He hated how far apart they were becoming now.

"I can't answer that." She whispered and then she avoided his gaze once she saw the tears in his eyes .

"I know what you want from me and that's to be just friends… but I can't do that. I'm sorry."

"Then maybe we just shouldn't be friends at all then." It pained her to say it, but she just turned and walked away from him anyway knowing fully that she just made the biggest mistake of her life.

He sighed defeated as he watched her walk away from him, disappointed that he was letting her go willingly. He messed things up big time and he knew that he wouldn't have much time to fix it… if he could ever do so.

_My song is love, is love unknown  
And I've got to get that message home…

* * *

_Thanks for the reviews I know some of you are probably pissed off with how I ended things this chapter, but the next one is that last and it gets better I promise. Next up, _Swallowed In The Sea_.


	12. Swallowed In The Sea

So this is it, the finally chapter of The Hardest Part. Will Peyton finally tell Lucas how she feels about him? Well… not all endings have to be happy so who knows. Sadly I just love inflicting pain on Lucas' part, I just had so many issues with his character after season two, but then I bought the DVD and listened to Mark's commentary on DTMFG and it was like all was forgiven. I usually wait and write whatever I have to say at the bottom, but I figured I'd say something now… and at the bottom. So yeah, I had a great time writing this. I've never finished a fic before so this is actually a first for me. I'll ramble some more when the chapter is finished…

* * *

_You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me  
and that's what made me see where I was going wrong  
You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself  
I can only blame myself, you can only blame me…_

Stupid was definitely what she was. Why she told Lucas that they shouldn't be friends and walking away from him was the stupidest thing she had ever done… okay maybe not the stupidest thing she'd ever done, but it was certainly up there. Cleary, the stupidest thing she had ever done was run away from him at Nathan's party when he told her he wanted it all with her. Of course all of the things that she basically beat herself up for involved Lucas, she was always so conflicted at the heart when it came to him. She was just so scared when it came to him.

She was lonely. She had been lonely and bitter for the past two weeks. She hadn't spoken to Lucas at all, he avoided her and she avoided him, it had become as simple as that. She hadn't told anyone about their fight, not even Haley, but she knew Lucas probably told her. She had to admit, she did miss Lucas. No one really understood her like he did, he saw through her and that's what scared her. That was the very thing that always made her back away from him. If she could do everything all over, she would've never run away from him.

"Hey Peyton have you seen Lucas?" Haley sat down on the opposite side of the lunch table Peyton was sitting at.

She looked up from the book she was reading, "If by Lucas you mean the broody, blond, bitch who isn't satisfied with being just friends with someone… then no."

Haley was obviously shocked by Peyton's comment because it showed all over her face. She bit back a laugh, but ended up doing so anyway.

"Whoa… where did that come from?" Haley asked.

"You should ask Lucas that." She replied. She really didn't know why she was so angry with him, she should've been angrier with herself.

"I did and all he told me was that you two aren't speaking anymore. Why is that Peyton and how come you didn't tell me?"

"We got in a fight a couple of weeks ago and as a result of that fight we decided that it was best that we shouldn't be friends anymore."

"We as in you and Lucas or really just you?" Haley was starting to know Peyton all too well.

"Just me and the reason why I didn't tell you was because it really isn't that important." Peyton tried to brush everything off as if her and Lucas' fight that night didn't really matter, but it did matter. It had been eating her up alive ever since.

"Of course it's important, Peyton. What were you two fighting about anyway?"

Peyton sighed as she gathered her thoughts and prepared to tell Haley everything. She figured there was no use lying to her about what happened anymore.

"He told me that he couldn't be just friends with me anymore and I pushed him away. That's the end of the story." She replied not willing to go into details just yet.

"Why did you do that Peyton? You obviously care about him… and you know he cares about you." Haley pointed out, but Peyton just shook her head.

"And yet I keep pushing him away. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. Whenever things just start to go well between us he says or does something that makes me want to push him away and the worse part is he just keeps on coming back. I kind of got used to that, you know? Pushing him away, but him still being there. It wasn't until a couple of days ago when I realized he wasn't coming back… I pushed him way too far this time Hales. I blew it."

Haley took sympathy on her best friend. She had sympathy for Lucas, too. They both just had to be so stubborn and secretive with each other when it came to how they truly felt.

"Lucas hasn't given up on you Peyton. He still needs you, just like you need him." What she said was true, even though Haley hadn't spoken much to Lucas about what happened, she could still see it in his eyes when he looked at Peyton.

"Haley—"

"Tomorrow's the Raven's first game, you'll be there and he'll be there. Promise me you'll talk to him after or before the game?"

"I can't." She said her voice was full of sadness.

"Peyton please." Haley pleaded with her.

"Fine I'll talk to him after the game… I promise."

* * *

Lucas stood in his respective spot for what seemed like hours making free throws. He had been practicing at the River Court for tomorrow's game. He was nervous and as much as he missed playing basketball, his heart just wasn't in it. He was too worried about Peyton. He couldn't stand not being near her and not being able to talk to her. He hated that he wasn't able to read her anymore with their recent distance. He missed her. He missed her a lot.

Currently interrupting his thoughts was the sound of feet walking across the pavement. He kept his eyes straight ahead, secretly wishing that it were Peyton. He just wanted to apologize to her, having her, as a friend was better than not having her at all.

Lucas finally turned his head to see who was on the court with him and surprisingly it was the last person he would've expected to see.

"What are you doing here?"

"It's a public court," Nathan said while smirking, "I could practice here when ever I want."

"Whatever." Lucas ignored him; he wasn't in the mood to start anything with his brother so he just kept on shooting. Out of the few he had just shot, he only missed one. He didn't know what was wrong with him… he rarely missed.

"You suck." Nathan pointed out.

Lucas picked up the ball and just glared at him, "Can you explain to me why you're here again?"

He rolled his eyes, "I told you to practice for tomorrow's game… and to talk to you."

Lucas was surprised, he didn't think Nathan wanted to talk to him… they hadn't spoken since he had gotten back from HF and that was almost three months ago.

"What do you want to talk about?" Lucas stopped dribbling the ball, turned, and set his attention on Nathan.

"I want to talk about tomorrow's game. I want to win…and I know you do, too so despite what's going on between us it doesn't exist when we're on the court. Got it?"

"Yeah." He replied, his voice no louder than a whisper. He wished there was something he could do to get Nathan to actually talk to him again. He had made so many mistakes last year.

"So what's got you so distant lately? The only time I've really seen you miss a shot was back when your shoulder was acting up and now it's fine… so what's going on?" Nathan took the opportunity to actually talk to his brother. He knew he was wrong for acting so resentful towards him, but he just wouldn't tell him that. He couldn't, his pride just wouldn't let him. He didn't want to let himself get close to anyone anymore, he had no wife and he didn't have a brother and during the summer he struggled with that. When he was at High Flyers he realized that he just had to accept things the way they were. He would make peace eventually, but he would just have to do it one step at a time.

"I've just got a lot of stuff on my mind, that's all." Lucas turned, walked toward the picnic table, and sat on top of it. He wasn't in the mood to practice anymore.

Nathan shook his head, knowing that the stuff on Lucas' mind was obviously about a girl. Lately it always was. He walked over to the picnic table and sat on top of it next to Lucas.

"By stuff you mean girl right?"

Lucas laughed at Nathan's perception of him and despite whatever anger he felt towards him, Nathan felt himself laugh, too.

"It always is, isn't it? Remember a few months ago when you were telling me that my heart would be flawed until I told that girl how I felt?"

Nathan nodded, "Of course… how could I forget?"

"Yeah." Lucas nodded as a silence fell between them.

Nathan snapped out of his deep thought and hit Lucas on the side of his head.

"Hey! What was that for?" He turned to Nathan, giving him an angry look as he rubbed the side of his head.

"I meant Peyton you ass!" He practically shouted at him. He had been so confused when Lucas started to pursue Brooke, he had assumed Peyton turned Lucas down, but now he wasn't so sure.

"What?"

"The girl… I was talking about Peyton. What did she turn you down or something that night because you and I know good and well that you were never in love with Brooke."

"I know who you meant and I meant Peyton, too, and I was going over to see her when I remembered the conversation she and I had earlier. She told me some things that I really needed to hear… I wasn't what she needed at the time so I called Jake and then he came."

Nathan shook his head, "And where does Brooke come into all of this?"

"I was afraid of being alone… and I realized that it was easier to get on Brooke's good side so while we spent all of that time together I somehow blurred the lines of friendship between us. I convinced myself that I loved her… when of course I didn't. I was just afraid of being alone."

Nathan sighed; his brother had a pretty complicated life.

"That's what your problem is Lucas. You don't think before you speak and you're so caught up in trying to solve or help everyone when you don't realize that sometimes you have to just take a step back."

Lucas nodded, Nathan was right. Of course Nathan was right, Peyton had told him something similar to that a while ago.

"Calling Jake for Peyton was a really caring thing to do for her." Nathan added, realizing that he was a little too hard on Lucas.

"I just wish I could do things over you know?"

"Don't we all?"

"Yeah."

"So what's going on with you and Peyton now?" He asked; he was becoming curious to this situation.

"We're not talking anymore. I told her how I felt about her twice and she kept on freaking out… so a couple of weeks ago she decided that we just shouldn't be friends at all."

"And you're going to accept that?"

Lucas nodded, "Nathan, I have to respect Peyton's feelings."

"Oh yeah right… you mean to tell me you're just going to make the same mistake twice? You should go after her Luke. She's going to be at the game tomorrow… you should talk to her." Nathan began to devise a plan in his head.

"I can't."

"Yes you can," Nathan insisted, "Tomorrow after the game you're going to talk to her Lucas."

"Fine." He would talk to her, but he wasn't so sure she would be willing to talk to him.

* * *

_You put me on a line and hung me out to dry  
Darling that's when I decided to go to see you  
You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes  
Made me realize what I could not see…_

He couldn't wait; he was so nervous and had so many thoughts swarm through his head that he just had to talk to her now. If he didn't talk to her now he would lose his nerve and end up not saying anything to her at all and he couldn't let that happen again. He opened her door and walked straight upstairs to her room. When he got there she had her back turned towards the door and had her cheerleading outfit on. That reminded him, he was supposed to be at practice before the game started, but he just had to talk to her. He probably just caught her before she was going to leave for the game, realizing that he only had a little bit of time he took a deep breath and prepared himself for what was to come.

As he was about to speak Peyton turned around and their eyes immediately met. There was a pained look in her eyes… pain that he caused and that hurt him.

"What are you doing here?" She gained some nerve and spoke up.

He stepped into her room so that he was closer to where she was standing and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He didn't know how to answer that so he just stayed silent.

"Lucas." She spoke again waiting for some sort of explanation from him.

"I—I need to talk to you." He finally got out.

She rolled her eyes. They hadn't spoken to each other in two weeks what was so important that he had to talk to her now?

"Well can you make it fast? I'm supposed to be at practice right now and I'm already running late so—"

"It'll be fast. I promise."

"Okay." She said while nodding.

"I can't stop thinking about what happened between us two weeks ago… they way we ended things. I didn't mean to push you into something you're not ready for and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for that. If there's anything I can do so that we could start things over between us I'll do it. I'll do anything to get you back Peyt."

She avoided his gaze and looked down at the carpet… deep down she knew his words were sincere, but she didn't know if she could let him back in. If they went back to being just friends again would they stay like that or would a replay of what happened before just happen again? She wasn't sure if she was willing to take that risk.

"We can't start over Lucas… it's not possible. Things are much different now and our feelings are involved… it just wouldn't be right."

"You're right things are different now, but I'm willing to put it all in the past if you are."

She sat down on the side of her bed and thought about what he said.

"Lucas… I don't know if I can do this again. We make all of these mistakes and expect them to just be swept under the rug and forgiven, but it's not that easy. It's _never_ that easy."

"I know I've made a lot of mistakes and I've been trying to fix them. You just have to give us a chance again, Peyton."

"Where did all of these feelings come from Lucas?" She decided to change the subject; "I mean you were practically chasing after Brooke last year and now—"

"Don't you see Peyton?" She watched as he walked over to where she was sitting on her bed, crouched down directly in front of her, and gently grabbed her hands. She was too caught up in everything to even pull her hands away… to even think.

"See what?" She asked softly.

"It's you, Peyton… it's always been you. I called Jake for you because I knew you needed him. I knew that I wasn't what you needed so I stepped back. The whole thing with Brooke, it was all just a big mess… I blurred the lines of friendship between us. I convinced myself that I felt something more than friendship for her and for a while I believed it, but then I found you on that beach and everything became clear again. When I held you in my arms everything felt right again and I don't want to lose that feeling Peyton. I can't lose you again."

Peyton sat there in shock at Lucas' confession… how was she supposed to deal with this? She didn't even have to question his feelings because she knew he was telling the truth. She wasn't even angry at what he said about Brooke, they both had been so lost months ago and now they were finally finding themselves. They were finding pieces of themselves in each other.

"I don't want to lose you either… but I just… I need some time to think about all of this."

He let go of her hands and stood up. That wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear, but it was better than her running away. He would just have to give her time.

"That I can deal with," He joked, which made her laugh, "I'll see you at the game then?"

"Yeah." She replied never leaving her spot on her bed as she watched him walk out of the door. She didn't need time to think about anything, she knew what she wanted and after the game she would tell him.

* * *

"United we stand, divided we fall, it's time to play, some basketball, GO RAVENS!" Peyton and the other girls cheered the team on from the sidelines. There were only two minutes left in the game and so far it was tied.

Lucas and Nathan were definitely working overtime; they hadn't let their disagreement come between them at all.

Lucas could feel the sweat pouring down his face and with each move he made his heart beat increased. It was all a mix of exhilaration and pressure. He was just so excited about playing again. He really missed the thrill of the game. There was really nothing like it. There was only a half a minute left as Nathan suddenly passed him the ball. He dribbled the ball through the court with ease dodging the other team's players left and right. This was it. This was his moment. He bent his knees as he prepared for the shot and kept his eyes on the basket. The crowd's screams and yells seemed to get louder and louder, but it didn't phase him.

He made the shot, stood there and waited for it to go in. He would've heard the final buzzer ring, see the ball go through the hoop, and the team celebrating if he didn't feel so dizzy. The crowd's screams began to sound distant and soon all he could see was darkness.

* * *

_And I could write a book, the one they'll say that shook the world  
and then it took, it took it back from me  
and I could write it down and spread it all around  
Get lost and then get found and you'll come back to me…_

She stood there in shock. Just a second ago she had been cheering rather happily when it happened. It all seemed to happen in slow motion as she watched Lucas make the winning shot and then collapse on the ground. What the hell was going on? She looked around and saw the various people on the bleachers including Haley stand up from their seats to see what happened to Lucas. She looked to her left and saw Brooke and Bevin with equally shocked faces. She didn't know what was going on.

And then it dawned on her. His heart… it must've been it his heart! How could she forget? Was he going to be okay? About a million questions were going through her head as she dropped her pom-poms and ran over to where Lucas was.

As soon as she reached where he was Haley was right beside her.

"Oh my God. Peyton what's wrong with him?" She asked as they tried to get inside the crowd that was formed around him. Haley was so scared for Lucas; she didn't want to lose him.

"I don't know Hales." She answered. Of course she knew what was wrong. It was his heart, but as much as she wanted to she couldn't tell Haley. She had sworn to Lucas that she wouldn't tell anyone.

Nathan was just as shocked. He remembered seeing the ball go through the hoop and feeling happy that they had won the game and then that's when it happened. In a mere second the happiness wore off when he noticed that his brother was on the floor. If Lucas would make it through this he would never let a stupid disagreement come between their bond as brothers.

"Everyone stay back and give the boy some space!" They all heard Whitey shout as the crowd backed away and Lucas finally sat up. Haley and Peyton watched from the side as the EMT began to talk to him and see how he was feeling.

"He's gonna be okay right?" Haley looked up at Peyton with tears in her eyes. She couldn't take losing Lucas.

Peyton, who was pretty much speechless right now just continued to stare at the spot where Lucas was currently standing. She couldn't get over what happened… she had almost lost him tonight.

She looked down at Haley and tried to keep herself from crying, "He has to be."

* * *

She didn't go straight home after what happened. She dropped Haley off back at the house and just drove around. She couldn't get what happened out of her head. She couldn't shake the image of Lucas just falling to the ground like that and even though she knew he was okay, she wouldn't believe it until she could actually see him. What if he would've never woken up? They would've ended things horribly and it was all her fault. She needed to go home and get her thoughts together. She wanted to talk to him, but she didn't know where to start.

* * *

He was sitting there at the table with his mother sitting right across from him. They had been sitting there ever since she came out of her room and hour ago. An hour before that he came home and caught her sitting on the couch crying. She had no words for him so she just went to her room and slammed the door. Now, of course was different because now he was waiting for what she had to say, and whatever it was it probably wasn't good.

"So how long have you known?" Karen practically forced out as she glared at her son.

"I—"

"Or should I say how long have you been lying about it?" Karen stared at her son coldly as he gave her a defeated look.

"Mom please don't be like this." He pleaded.

"Answer the question."

"For a few months."

"A few months?" She practically shouted at him. She was trying very hard not to express her anger, but she just couldn't help it. She was so disappointed and angry with him, but she couldn't help but be scared for him. She was so scared for him.

"Mom—"

"Why didn't you tell me? How could you keep something as serious as your life from me?"

"Because I didn't want you to worry… I didn't want you to get upset."

"Well you wasted your time! I'm your mother, Lucas. It's my job to worry about you. You don't get to decide things for me."

"I'm sorry." Was all that he felt he should say; he didn't regret keeping this from her at all, but one thing he did regret was letting it come out like this.

"So that whole thing a few months ago… you living with Dan it was because he knew wasn't it? Were you ever going to tell me about this or were you just planning on keeping it to yourself?" She was asking the last question more to herself than him.

"I didn't want you to know because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to see you like this—"

"Lucas Eugene Scott do not take that tone of voice with me…" She stood up from her seat and prepared to handle every aspect of her son's disease. This time there would be no secrets between them.

* * *

She practically dragged herself up the stairs to the front door of her house. She was tired and she was scared. She turned the doorknob and walked into her house. All she wanted to do was go to sleep and forget all that had happened tonight. She wanted nothing more but to get the image of Lucas on the court out of her mind. She made her way towards the steps and was ready to climb up them when someone stopped her.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Haley blocked her way from climbing up the steps. Her voice was shaking and her eyes were red from crying.

"Tell you about what?" Peyton had no idea what she was talking about.

"Don't play dumb with me Peyton." She stared her right in the eye wondering how she could've kept something so serious from her.

"Haley I really don't know what you're talking about." She was being honest. She didn't know what she was talking about, but by the tone of voice Haley had held, Peyton knew it had to be serious.

"I know about Lucas, Peyton. I know that he has the HCM."

Peyton's hand flew up to her mouth and her eyes widened in shock. This wasn't good at all.

"Haley, I—"

"It's really horrible when I had to find out from Brooke of all people about it instead of my own two best friends." She said bitterly. She hated that she was basically out of the loop of this whole thing and yet she could see why neither Lucas nor Peyton had told her. Luke was probably scared that she would tell Karen, which she probably would've, and Peyton was just respecting Lucas' privacy. But that didn't make it hurt any less.

"How did Brooke find out? Haley I swear I didn't tell her—"

"She overheard Karen and Lucas yelling about it." Haley watched as a look of fear grew upon Peyton's face.

"No… Lucas didn't tell Karen that you knew." Peyton let out a sigh of relief.

"Haley I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I really am." She looked sympathetically at Haley. She didn't mean for any of this to happen this way… it just did.

"Then why didn't you?"

"It's just you know Lucas and I we were all alone over the summer, everyone had left, he told me you weren't coming back—so I guess I was the only one he could lean on about it. Once you came back, I wanted to tell you, but I had to respect his wishes. He promised me not to tell and I couldn't disrespect his wishes."

"This is Lucas' life we're talking about Peyton—something horrible could've happened to him tonight all because of his stupidity. I just wished he wasn't so protective all of the time… he has to realize that he shouldn't make decisions for others like this. All it leads to is disaster." She sat on the bottom step and cradled her head in her hands. She was just so frustrated with Lucas.

"Haley—"

"No Peyton, I'm sorry for yelling at you… none of this is your fault. You were just looking out for Lucas. It's just he gets me so angry and it's times like this where I just want to hurt him and cry for him at the same time." Peyton sat on the step next to Haley and nodded.

"Have you heard from Karen?" Peyton asked. She was curious to know how Lucas was doing.

"No," She shook her head, "But Brooke told me Karen was really upset about the whole thing."

"Well has Brooke spoken to him?"

"She tried when they got home, but he didn't really want to open up to her. I want to call him… you know, to find out how he is… or just to talk, but—"

"You're scared." She finished her sentence.

Haley looked towards Peyton, "Yeah."

"Me too." She said softly.

"I'm a horrible best friend." Haley stated, referring to her not being able to be there for Lucas.

"You're not a horrible best friend, Hales. You're an avoider… and in a way we all are."

"You should go talk to him." Haley spoke up after a few moments of silence.

"What?"

"You should go talk to him Peyton," She repeated, "Tell him how you feel."

Peyton stared down at the floor, "I can't."

"Hasn't tonight taught you anything? You promised you would talk to him after the game… well here's your chance."

"Haley I don't know. I should give him his space…"

"You should do it now before something gets in your way again. You and Lucas deserve your share of happiness… what's wrong with having it now and having it with each other?"

Seeing that Peyton had no answer to her question Haley knew she had finally knocked some sense into her head. She just hoped Peyton would actually use her advice this time.

* * *

_The streets you're walking on, a thousand houses long  
Well that's where I belong and you belong with me  
Oh what good is it to live with nothing left to give  
Forget but not forgive, not loving all you see…_

She had walked the whole way to Lucas' house. Haley had practically pushed her out the door and her thoughts were so scattered she forgot that she could've just drove there, but none of it mattered. She just needed to see him. For some strange reason the streets had seemed so much longer this time around. It was probably a combination of the nerves and anxiety she felt.

She took a deep breath and walked up the steps to his house. She could do this… she knew what she wanted and she knew that he wanted it, too. There was nothing in her way anymore… there was nothing in their way anymore. She stood in front of the door and contemplated on whether to knock or not. Instead she played with the ends of her leather jacket and tried to think of something to say.

She turned towards the door and was about to knock when it opened up. She stood there frozen as Lucas stepped out of the doorway. He stood in his place as well, with the same scared look on his face. Neither of them knew what to say to each other.

"Peyton…" He spoke up first, but couldn't get any words out except for her name.

"Lucas…" She responded the same way. She was happy to see him—she was glad that he was okay, but something about him was off.

"I—" They both started to speak, but ended quickly. He didn't know what to say to her… he knew that his little accident had scared her.

She continued to stare at him, but this time her vision was blurred with the tears that were forming in her eyes. She was scared, but she would start over this time. She moved in closer to him closing the gap that was between them and wrapped her arms around him tightly.

He could feel her tears soaking into his shirt as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held onto her tightly. He never wanted to let her go. She was the only one that he could trust right now and the only one who truly understood him and after what had happened earlier, he just couldn't let her go.

She couldn't stop herself from crying, she had been fine before, but once she saw him and read the look in his eyes she just fell apart. Maybe it was the realization finally sinking in that she could've lost him tonight.

"Don't ever leave me again Lucas." Her voice was muffled because her face was buried into his shirt, but he still he heard her.

"I won't… I won't…" He repeated, comforting her as she continued to cry.

"You promise?" She lifted up her head so that she could see his face.

He looked down at her and nodded, gently wiping her tears off of her face, but never taking his eyes off of hers.

"I promise." His voice was barely over a whisper, but she heard him. She heard him loud and clear.

"So you're gonna be okay right?" She knew he was but she just needed some reassurance.

"Yeah… I guess the reason why that whole thing happened was because I didn't take my pills this morning—"

"Lucas—" She was preparing to scold him, but he cut her off.

"I didn't do it on purpose… I guess I had so many things to think about and then there was the excitement of the game… so I just forgot." He explained.

"You gave us all a scare tonight, Luke. I thought—I thought something really serious happened to you and that I would never—"

"Shh," He placed a finger on her lips, "I'm fine okay… and that's all that matters. I'm not going to leave you Peyton. Not now and not ever."

She nodded and gently pulled away from his hold, just feeling the need to walk around or something.

"You should talk to Haley… she was kind of pissed that we didn't tell her what was going on and besides she's really worried about you."

"I'm sure she wasn't nearly as pissed off as my mom was when she found out." She watched Lucas' whole demeanor change at the mention of his mom. That was what was different about him; they both must've taken what happened very hard.

"What did she do?" He started pacing around the porch, not willing to look her in the eye.

"Well after crying she basically yelled at me for lying about it, yelled some more, hugged me for being brave about things, grounded me for a month, and then she cried some more. I can't say that I blame her for yelling at me… because I don't. I deserved everything she said. I caused her more pain than I meant to… you know this whole thing made me realize how stupid it is to keep things from the people you love."

Instead of replying, she just sighed, wishing she could share his outlook on things. It was stupid to keep thing from the people you loved but if she agreed she would just sound like a hypocrite.

"So does your mom know you're out here right now?" She changed the subject when she noticed his jacket in his hands.

He began pacing again, "About that…"

Peyton noticed the way he was acting and grew nervous.

"Lucas what's wrong?"

"Nothing," He assured her, "My mom's sleeping and I just… I need to get out of here."

Any other time she was up for leaving, but she didn't want to get him in any more trouble.

"Lucas I don't think that's such a good idea… you're already grounded and—"

"Please." He gave her that look that just made her give in to anything he wanted.

"Fine… lead the way."

* * *

They ended up walking along the docks in silence. She was trying to figure out how she would tell Lucas how she felt and he was thinking about how his life would be now that basically everyone knew about his HCM. If they didn't know now he knew by the end of this week they all would.

"You're going to be okay right?"

"Yeah, but you know someone once told me that if I didn't tell this girl how I felt about her my heart would always be flawed…" He trailed off hoping he would get his point.

"Well did you?" She played along.

"Yeah… but she ran away." They both shoved their hands in their pockets at the same time and laughed a little because of the awkwardness of this all.

They both stopped walking and turned to face each other.

"You know, it was right here when you told me how you felt—when you kissed me." She recalled that night as well as her stupidity, but she wasn't going to let it happen again.

"Yeah… I noticed." He said sheepishly.

"Why do you keep coming back? Wh—why do you keep waiting—running after me when I push you away so much?" She wanted to know how he felt again; she didn't need to be reassured that this was all worth it; she just wanted to hear him say it.

"I guess—I guess I'm in it for the chase." He said half joking and half serious. There was much seriousness in that statement. The chase was all both of them had known for the past few months.

"Well I've stopped running a while ago, Lucas… I was just scared. I was too scared to move forward and I was too scared to lose what we had… to lose our friendship. I just didn't want to get hurt again. I was so use to everyone leaving that I just expected you to just get up and leave me one day, too, but you didn't."

"Peyton, you don't have to explain—"

"Yes I do, Lucas. I'm sorry that I pushed you away so much lately and I'm sorry that it took me this long to tell you how I really felt about you. When you hit the floor tonight… you wanna know what I was thinking? I thought I would never see you again and then I thought about how we had left things and how it was all my fault." She felt herself becoming emotional as the tears began to slide down her face.

"Peyton none of this is your fault." He tried to reassure her, but she wouldn't listen.

"We had left things so open ended… we weren't even speaking, Luke and this was all because of my selfishness. But I'm not letting this happen again… because everything that happened tonight just made me realize that I never want to lose you, Lucas. You mean too much to me."

Lucas stood in his place, he had waited so long for this moment and now it was happening. He was finally getting his heart's desire.

"You'll never lose me, Peyt." He whispered to her as he gently cupped her face.

"Good… because I don't want to. I'm tired of running. I'm in love with you, Luke… I always have been. You've always had my heart." Without another word she tip toed up to meet his face and her lips crashed onto his in a passionate kiss. That kiss told him everything that she was afraid to say.

Breaking away from her he replied jokingly, "Is this the part where you run away?"

She laughed and shook her head.

"There's nothing to run for me to run from anymore." She said simply as she met his lips again in a sweet kiss.

She had realized now that life was entirely too short and that she couldn't just hide her feelings anymore. Although it took many tragedies for her to see that, she finally reached her destination; the final stop on her journey and that was to be with him. They both didn't have to run anymore because they had gotten past the hard parts, they had gotten through it all together and finally found the happiness both deserved.

_You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea…_

* * *

Finally it is finished. I had such a great time writing this and thank you to all of you who reviewed. It was between your reviews and my pent up longing for OTH to premiere that kept me motivated to finish this. So yeah Lucas and Peyton… they're happy now… finally. They had some pretty messed up things happen to them, but now it's all over. I hope you guys enjoyed this last chapter. I had fun writing it, the whole basing the chapters off of songs really made the whole writing process go faster. It's really much easier to do it this way when you find a song that relates, you know? I might even do another one of these, of course with a different CD and probably a different band, but most likely still L/P.


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